Down 1.0

Two days in a row... what do you know?

Oops, forgot my Golden Corral story.  Tonight, I promise... kind of.

Down 1.2

I'm back!  I'm not telling you my weight... yet.  As you can guess, it's not good.  But, I will give you my updates.  Down 1.2 from yesterday.

Tonight... a story about Golden Corral.

238.0

Down .2 after a night of candy, cashews, a couple of beers and a shot of Patron.  Maybe I should continue doing that every night!

Day 76 - (0.2), Overall - (14.6), Pounds To Break 220 - 18.2

Quick Update

Doesn't feel like a week since I last posted.  Not much has changed.  I do good for a few days and then ruing it with a bad day.  Though, sometimes the "bad" in bad day doesn't seem appropriate.  This weekend's 2.2 pound gain on Sunday was after a great night with friends eating some really good food.  And, I had more than enough laughs to make me feel better about the couple of pounds I gained.  Does anyone know how many calories are in a shot of Jaeger?

My progress has slowed a little bit because I tweeked my knee... my good knee.  So, I rested my knee a few nights and only worked out about three.  Even those workouts were not as intense as normal as I tried to let my knee recover.  The only thing worse than a week off is doing something to my knee that keeps me permanently in the gym.  Last night wasn't 100%.  But, it was a little bit better.

Last 7 days:
10/25 - 238.6
10/26 - 238.8
10/27 - 237.6
10/28 - 239.8 (can you guess what night the party was?)
10/29 - 239.4
10/30 - 238.6
10/31 - 238.2

My goal tonight is to eat less candy than I hand out. 

Day 75 - (0.4), Overall - (14.4), Pounds To Break 220 - 18.4

239.0, 238.8, 237.8, 238.4

Not much going on lately.  Since hitting my recent low of 235.6, I put a couple of pounds back on and have just been hovering around the high 230s for the last 9 days.  Need another week or two stretch where I move that needle to the low 230s. 

Day 68 - 0.6, Overall - (14.2), Pounds To Break 220 - 18.6

237.6

Good day.  Thursday is forgotten.  Down 2.2 this morning and ready for the weekend!

Day 64 - (2.2), Overall - (15.0), Pounds To Break 220 - 17.8

239.8

Going backwards.  So, instead of maintaining the status quo this weekend, I now need to lose weight just to start next week even with last week.  I ate poorly yesterday and skipped the club.  Not a good day.

On a more positive note, my daughter Kelsea is now down 36 pounds!  So proud of her and still hoping to find something that triggers me to be as focused as she has been.

Day 63 - 2.2, Overall - (12.8), Pounds To Break 220 - 20.0

237.6

Down .2 pounds.  Decided to drop the numbers below that compare my actual to my pace goals I set for myself over 12 weeks ago.  It is obvious I am not breaking 220 by the end of October.  I will set some new mini-goals and keep them to myself.

Day 62 - (0.2), Overall - (15.0), Pounds To Break 220 - 17.8

237.8

No mixed emotions this morning.  I guess it wasn't all salt.

Day 61 - 0.2, Overall - (14.8), Pounds To Break 220 - 18.0, Ahead/Behind Pace - (11.9)

237.6

So much for having a good weekend!  It is odd having such mixed emotions about a day...

The Highs - Let's focus on the highs since I am trying to be a little more positive in my self-assessments.  First, I planned to go to a friend's house to watch the Broncos on Monday Night Football.  I knew he would have some good Mexican food and I knew I was not going to have a great night.  So, I made sure to get to the club before going over to his house.  Since I only had a 30 minute window, I worked out hard for those 30 minutes.  I think I ended up burning more calories than I do when I go my normal 45.  Those 30 minutes included 8 minutes of running!  I think that is what I am most excited about.  As I have put weight back on, my knee stopped handling my runs and I went back to walking on the treadmill.  I have been anxious to run again and I missed it.  I was pretty excited to be running and my knee held up pretty well.  Hopefully, I can up the minutes each week and go back to what I was doing over a year ago.

That wasn't my only high.  After eating poorly at my friend's house, I felt like crap.  Way too much salt.  Way too much food.  My ride wanted to leave a little early and as we drove, I asked my daughter if she felt like going to the club.  Like me, she was full.  But, she agreed and I ended up back at the club with the intent of trying to limit the damages.  I walked another 45 minutes and, while it didn't erase what I had done at dinner, it made me feel much better about myself.  In addition, it was fun to cheer on the Broncos with a group of people exercising as they made a miracle comeback against the Chargers!

The Lows - Again, I won't go in to details.  I ate too much.  I was upset when I went back to the club thinking about how much better it would have been to have two workout sessions and not eaten poorly.  I was upset that it hurt a little bit to exercise because I was so full.  And, I was upset about the 2 pounds this morning.

Back to the highs... despite that, I know that a lot of it was salt and with a good day today I will be back to where I was yesterday.  I am okay losing a couple of days, just don't want to lose 5.  I am going to stay positive despite accepting that I am a food addict and will never have full control over that. 

Day 60 - 2.0, Overall - (15.0), Pounds To Break 220 - 17.8, Ahead/Behind Pace - (11.2)

235.6... Yes!

It wasn't earth shattering.  But, I did it!  For only the second time in 12 weeks, I made it through a weekend without gaining and managed to be lower than my Saturday morning weight by .2 pounds and my Friday weight by 2 pounds.  Two new lows set and I am now at my lowest since December 4, 2011!  The best news is that I lost 7.4 pounds since last Sunday, or 8 days ago.  If I can get through two consecutive weekends without gaining, I should be sub-230 by the end of next week.

Day 59 - (2.2), Overall - (17.0), Pounds To Break 220 - 15.8, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - (8.8)

235.8

Nice start to my Saturday!  Down 1.8 after waking up feeling fat.  Feel like today has been a decent day.  So, hopefully, I am halfway through the weekend battle with no major wounds.  Anxious for tomorrow's weigh-in and tomorrow in general.  Would love to actually start next week under 235.

That means I have now lost 35 pounds during the week and gained 20 on the weekends.  Unbelievable...

Day 57 - (1.8), Overall - (16.8), Pounds To Break 220 - 16.0, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - (8.1)

237.6

Down another .8 pounds to my new recent low and my lowest weight in all of 2012!  This is the lowest I have been since December 17, 2011 when I weighed exactly the same.  After 8 weeks, I am still behind my original pace by a bunch.  But, at the same time, I am down 15 pounds.  And, if the worst-case scenario was that I only lost another 15 pounds over the next 8 weeks, I could live with that.  I know I can lose faster than that.  But, I tell my daughter to be patient and I need to practice what I preach... a think I don't do often.  That would put me at around 222 by December 7.  I would be perfectly happy with that.  I will take that positive energy in to this weekend and try to reverse an ugly trend.

Day 56 - (0.8), Overall - (15.0), Pounds To Break 220 - 17.8, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - (9.5)

238.4

Down another 1.2 pounds.  New low and lowest weight since February 28.  Still way behind pace.  But, you know me, I still haven't given up.  I just need to lose 18.6 pounds in 22 days.  I think I have done it before!

So, now I have lost 35.2 during the week and gained 20 on the weekends. Bring on the weekend!!

Day 55 - (1.2), Overall - (14.2), Pounds To Break 220 - 18.6, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - (9.7)

239.6

Down a pound and back under 240.  I'm not going to say it...

Day 54 - (1.0), Overall - (13.0), Pounds To Break 220 - 19.8, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - (10.6)

240.6

Dear Anthony - Hopefully, tomorrow, you will once again go back under the 240 barrier.  I just want you to know that the Anthony who is writing this plea to you is sick and tired of seeing any number on the scale that starts with "24", or "25" for that matter.  I am tired of blogging about my crappy weekends.  I am tired of typing that number in to my Excel tracking spreadsheet.  I am tired of the guilt I feel on Monday mornings when I debate lying about my weight so that I don't have to fess up to my sins on this blog.  I am stunned by the statistics I blogged about yesterday showing the difference between my weekdays and weekends.  Which, by the way, is now even bigger after another 1.4 pounds lost today.  I am upset that I believe I have had that "moment" and then set out to disprove that with a Saturday like I had this weekend.  I am begging you, Anthony, to lose at least .8 today.  I am begging you to do everything in your power to stay under 240 for the rest of your entire life!  That includes the weekend, by the way.

That is all.  Thanks, Love You, Your Friend In Weight Loss, Anthony

After seeing those numbers yesterday, I am half-tempted to just start working on the weekends.  Maybe if I come in to the office and work a few hours it will keep me in a routine.  I am actually looking forward to this weekend and am determined to change this behavior.  Maybe I will make a poster for my wall that shows the stats I posted yesterday. 

By the way, I am dropping the "commitment" numbers on the bottom of my daily posts. Obviously, it hasn't worked and I haven't been very committed.  All I need is another set of numbers reminding me of how disappointing I have been.

Day 53 - (1.4), Overall - (12.0), Pounds To Break 220 - 20.8, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - (11.2)

239.4, 238.6, 243.0, 242.0

Okay, I lied.  Wasn't I taught to "never say never".  You would think I would learn by now.  If I hadn't used it as a blog title before, I would have titled this "I Suck".  I am not sure what is worse, going back over 240 or realizing that, despite what I may think to the contrary, I have not fully made the mental switch that is required to really make a change.  I keep thinking I have had that moment again.  But, when faced with even the slightest temptation, I am still weak. 

I felt energized after waking up to a new low on Saturday of 238.6.  After going to the club, I decided to weigh myself again and saw 237.2!  That was the motivation I needed with a planned housewarming party that we were going to that afternoon.  I figured there would be some snacks and beer.  A beer or two, easy on the snacks, and I would wake up Sunday to something in the 238 range.  But, they had chicken wings, pizza, and home-made salsa and bean dip.  I will blame it on the Florida Gators.  In my excitement over the huge win over LSU, I lost my senses and kept eating... and eating... and eating.  I don't even know what comes over me at those moments.  I feel the resentment as soon as I take a moment to breathe.  I knew I would be close to or over 240.  But, when I saw 243 on Sunday morning, all of those feelings of self-loathing came back in full force.  It is amazing that I can gain 4.4 in one day.  Even more amazing that I gained 5.8 from my post-workout weight.

So, once again I am doomed by my choices on the weekends.  I started thinking about the difference between my weeks and my weekends.  So, I looked it up.  Over the last 11 weekend weigh-ins, those on Sunday and Monday (based on my Saturdays and Sundays), I have gained 20 pounds.  20 pounds!  Over that same period, my weigh-ins on the other five days, Tuesday through Saturday, I have lost 30.6 pounds!   If I took away the weekends, I would already be close to 220.  During that period, I have had only one weekend where I stayed the same and one weekend where I lost 3.6 pounds.  The other 9 weekends all saw me gain weight.  It is hard to believe that I know this and can't control myself. 

Back to the week, where I will kick butt and get myself back to 238.  Then on to the weekend where I have nothing planned... yet.  But, there will come a point where I don't care whether I have plans or not.  That hasn't come yet.  But, I hope it does soon.

Day 52 - (1.0), Overall - (10.6), Pounds To Break 220 - 22.2, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - (12.1)
The Commitment - Day 13 - (1.0), Overall - (3.0)

239.4

Down .4 and still under 240.  Four days later, I am still .2 pounds away from recovering from this weekend.  So, I should get back to where I was last Friday just in time for a new weekend.  This one will be better...

At this point, my prospects of reaching my goal by November 1 look bleak.  But, I will still keep tracking that pace as a goal and hope it can at least motivate me to something better than when I started seven weeks ago.

Day 48 - (0.4), Overall - (13.2), Pounds To Break 220 - 19.6, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - (7.8)
The Commitment - Day 9 - (0.4), Overall - (5.6)

239.8

Back under 240... FOR THE LAST TIME EVER!!!  Down .4 from yesterday.  If I can string 12 more days together of being decent, I shouldn't ever see 240 again.  Time to start working on sub-235.

Day 47 - (0.4), Overall - (12.8), Pounds To Break 220 - 20.0, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - (7.8)
The Commitment - Day 8 - (0.4), Overall - (5.2)

240.2

Down 2.6 pounds after a good day. 

Lost in my self-loathing yesterday was the fact that I actually hit 239.2, another new recent low.  Hopefully, I will move under that tomorrow or the next day.  All in all, despite the poor weekend, I am down almost 5 pounds over the last week.

Still stupid though...

Day 46 - (2.6), Overall - (12.4), Pounds To Break 220 - 20.4, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - (7.7)

The Commitment - Day 7 - (2.6), Overall - (4.8)

239.2, 242.6, 242.8

Yes, I am that stupid.  Upset with myself for the weekend.  Tired of being upset with myself for the weekends.  I went in to the weekend expecting to struggle.  But, I still had hopes of staying under or real close to the 240 mark. 

I had planned to eat very little or nothing at all on Saturday knowing that we had dinner plans.  But, my Mom invited us to join her, my sister, and my nephews for breakfast at the Pantry.  I didn't overdo it.  But, I didn't eat healthy either.  I think there was a part of me that knew I was already writing off the day, so I stopped worrying about it.  Bad decision. 

I planned to enjoy myself at dinner.  But, there is a difference between enjoying one's self and being a glutton.  I was going to say subtle difference.  But, it's not so subtle.  Maybe glutton is too harsh of a word.  I didn't eat to the point of embarassing myself.  But, I had a little bit extra of everything.  And, I won't bore you with my food choices.  For a weight-loss blog, I already spend way too much time talking about food.  Suffice it to say, everything was awesome. 

So, I woke up on Sunday 3.4 pounds heavier.  In my mind, I was hoping for about 2.  Okay.  Worse than expected... so, time to buckle down.  Then I had a pretty good day on Sunday eating and exercising.  I even threw out a refrigerator full of tempting leftovers.  So, like most of these bad nights, I figured I would get at least 2 pounds back this morning and the weekend damages would be just over a pound.  Instead, this morning was even higher than yesterday.  I wanted to cry.  This is not an exaggeration.  This is not my blog-persona being over-dramatic for purposes of a better read.  I am upset that I ruined a really good start with a bad weekend.  I am upset that I couldn't have eaten and drank 60% of what I consumed.  I am upset that I not only went back over 240, but I went way over 240.  I am upset with myself for not exercising on Saturday.  I am upset with myself for not making a better choice at breakfast.  I am upset with myself for letting my mind tell me that it is okay to give up a whole day.  I am upset that this blog has become so redundant.  I don't know if I would keep reading if I was a follower.  Down 3.  Up 2. Up 1.  Disappointed.  Ready to start.  Committed.  Back in a groove.  Up again.  Bad day.  Behind pace. Blah blah blah blah blah...

So stupid...

Day 45 - 0.2, Overall - (9.8), Pounds To Break 220 - 23.0, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - (9.9)
The Commitment - Day 6 - 0.2, Overall - (2.2)

239.4

For the first time since February 29, or 212 days ago, I am back under 240!  On that day, i weighed 238.8.  I crossed over 240 on March 1 and have been there ever since.  Down .8 for the day.  Down 13.2 over the last six weeks.  And, down 5.6 over the last three days.  I am still 5.2 pounds behind my original goal for today.  But, considering I was 9.5 pounds behind just three days ago, I am okay with that. 

After tomorrow night, I plan on two more weeks of complete diligence that will, hopefully, put me at or below my original pace goal.  Making better choices.  And, finally saying no to my temptations.  Not only feeling better physically, but feeling better mentally.

Day 42 - (0.8), Overall - (13.2), Pounds To Break 220 - 19.6, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - (5.2)
The Commitment - Day 3 - (0.8), Overall - (5.6)

240.2

Day 2 of my "commitment" and I am down another 1.6 and 4.8 in just a couple of days.  "The Commitment", sounds kind of like a Nicholas Sparks' movie.  I really need to name these things better.  This is a new recent low and the last time I weighed this exact amount was March 2.  My mini-goal is to lose a couple of more pounds, get under 240, and try to stay there even after our dinner on Saturday night.  It would be great to start a new week just at or under 240 and start looking at some numbers on the scale with a "3" in the second digit!

Day 41 - (1.6), Overall - (12.4), Pounds To Break 220 - 20.4, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - (5.5)
The Commitment - Day 2 - (1.6), Overall - (4.8)

241.8

Now that's how you get something started!  Down 3.2 after Day 1 of my "commitment".

Now, I must confess that I still ended up cheating... though I wasn't conscious of my decision.  My old nemesis, free food, tried to ruin Day 1.  I wasn't aware there was free food in the office.  I wasn't even invited to the party.  But, as I walked past a conference room where a baby shower was taking place, I heard a bunch of ladies yell my name and invite me in to partake in all of the extra food they had.  I promise you it was actual people yelling my name and not the sound of free food calling me!  So, I joined them.  And, I was good... or so I thought.  I filled my plate with mostly salad with a light dressing.  Then, instead of making a sandwich, I put some deli slices and pickles on my plate and skipped the bread and mayo.  But, I also grabbed some provolone and some blue cheese crumbles for my salad.  When I left the room, I felt good about my decisions.  But, almost immediately after updating myfitnesspal.com with the details, my brother sent me an e-mail that read, "I thought you weren't eating any cheese?".  I have heard of Facebook creeping before, but never MyFitnessPal creeping!  But, he was right.  I had forgotten.  I honestly would have skipped the cheese had I remembered.  It was an oversight and not a decision to cheat.  So, apologies to my brother and our commitment.  And, thanks for keeping me on track you psycho obsessive nutbag (you can see that this type of behavior is a family trait).  Based on my results, I still met up with my old nemesis, free food, and won this battle.

So, back to my commitment.  I have to make a slight modification.  This is the problem with life, or at least my life recently, too many "events".  I picked this two weeks because I had nothing going on.  And, as soon as I had written it in this blog, my boss and his girlfriend invited Lori and I over for dinner on Saturday.  There is no way to stay true to my committment.  No way that I can go and have a salad.  No way that I can skip the beers and mafiosas (a treat I have only heard about and not experienced) and drink just water.  She is an awesome cook and it will be an Italian smorgasbord of authentic delights.  She is even making home-made pasta!  My best bet would have been to say we had plans and then hope for another invite.  I wanted to go and didn't want to risk that not happening in the future.  So, here is my new "modified" commitment.  I will do awesome through Saturday night.  I will limit the damages that night as much as possible without offending (lol).  Then, I will add two more weeks to my original dates.  So, 18 of 19 days of being "almost" perfect.  And, then I will pray that nobody else asks me over for dinner, to a fundraiser, in to a conference room with free pizza, to a sporting event, or out to a favorite restaurant.  That's all...

By the way, I also had bowling last night.  I skipped the Shock Top pitchers and the chili cheese fries that looked really good.  Despite my teammates attempts at getting me back over 250, I was good.  Just thought you should know.

Day 40 - (3.2), Overall - (10.8), Pounds To Break 220 - 22.0, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - (6.7)

245.0

I got back to 245 quicker than I got to 240.  I don't think I have ever been that "good" at Mi Ranchito's and it still cost me a pound.  I guess I penciled in a gain.  But, when I got home last night, I had high hopes of being the same this morning. 

So, further in to the rabbit hole I go.  But, today I start on my two weeks of...  hmmm, I was going to say hell.  But, I need to celebrate the next two weeks.  So, today starts my two weeks of living right!

Day 39 - 1.0, Overall - (7.6), Pounds To Break 220 - 25.2, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - (9.5)

244.0

Awful weekend.  I now find myself even further behind pace and 4 whole pounds away from getting under 240.  Not good.

Tonight, we have our quarterly Mi Ranchito's dinner with my Mom.  I plan on limiting the damages and not being my normal self.  But, it will still be a struggle to not go back over 245.  I had mentioned my commitment of a week of diligence to my brother.  Sadly, that couldn't start for me last week.  I could have been better, yes.  But, I had too much going on to be diligent. 

So, it starts tomorrow.  And, I am committing to two weeks of diligence.  From Tuesday, September 25 through Monday, October 8, I will commit (or at least promise to try really hard) to do the following...

- No soda.
- No beer.
- No fried foods.
- No cheese.
- No bread.
- No ice cream.
- 14 days straight of entering everything in myfitnesspal.com.
- 14 days straight of at least 30 minutes of cardio.
- 10-12 days of weight lifting.
- Nothing that I would consider an "exception".

My goal is to get under 235 in that period.  I need something to kick this in to a higher gear.  This slow down and up is not working and I am painfully behind the pace I set for myself... with the posted pace not even agressive as what I really had in mind.

Day 38 - 2.4, Overall - (8.6), Pounds To Break 220 - 24.2, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - (8.0)

240.6

Down .8 pounds and ever so close to the 230s.  It's kind of like Chinese water torture... slow and brutal... drip... drip......  drip..........  drip.........................

Instead of focusing on how I am still 3.3 pounds behind the pace I set for today, let's celebrate some of the good news.  In five weeks, I am down 12 pounds.  I wanted 15.  But, if you told me I could lose 12 pounds every 5 weeks over the next four months, I would be more than thrilled.  Instead of hovering around the low 250s, I am now hovering around the low 240s.  I feel better in my clothes and feel better mentally and physically. 

See, that wasn't so hard to say now, Anthony, was it?

Day 35 - (0.8), Overall - (12.0), Pounds To Break 220 - 20.8, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - (3.3)

241.4

Down .4 pounds.  Creeping was the wrong word.  Not even sure "inching towards" 240 would be correct.  I am at a snail's place.  But, I will take the drop since I still couldn't muster up the energy to get to the club.  Did I tell you how much I hate being sick?!

Day 34 - (0.4), Overall - (11.2), Pounds To Break 220 - 21.6, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - (3.7)

241.8

Down 1.2 from yesterday and at a new low as I creep ever so close to the 240 barrier that has eluded me.  Still not feeling great, but closer to human each day.  May push my luck and go to the club this evening.

Day 33 - (1.2), Overall - (10.8), Pounds To Break 220 - 22.0, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - (3.6)

242.2, 242.8, 243.4, 243.0

I hate being sick.  I hate being sick now even more than I used to.  It's because when I'm sick, I don't feel like exercising... even if I feel like exercising.  So, my new pact with my bro to go a perfect week is somewhat sidelined by my inability to exercise and lift weights.  So, the perfect week will have to wait.  But, I can still work on a really good week.

Despite not feeling great, the Mexican fiesta still took place, along with lots of my favorites.  Somehow, maybe it was all of the activity in getting ready for the fiesta, I was able to only gain .6 pounds.  I was pretty happy with that.  I was less happy after I gained another .6 the next day without Mexican food as an excuse... well, other than the leftovers. 

Back down .4 this morning.  Not a bad weekend.  But, I still find myself making little progress and not managing to get under 240.  So, I will try to get healthy and owe my brother that perfect week.

Day 32 - (0.4), Overall - (9.6), Pounds To Break 220 - 23.2, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - (4.4)

242.4

Down .8 pounds and at a new (recent) low.  After four weeks, I am down 10.2 pounds and 2.0 behind my pace.  After a fast start, I am not thrilled.  But, I will take it and be content.  I will tell myself what I tell my daughter, even if it is harder to convince myself.  Don't be in a hurry.  10 pounds per month still gets you to a great place by the end of the year.  Though, I am hoping that my two weeks of diligence to end September give me a little bit of a headstart. 

Day 28 - (0.8), Overall - (10.2), Pounds To Break 220 - 22.6, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - (2.0)

243.2

Down another .8, but still 2.4 behind the pace I established.  Maybe I can run a marathon on Saturday to offset my Mexican fiesta!

Day 27 - (0.8), Overall - (9.4), Pounds To Break 220 - 23.4, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - (2.4)

244.0

Down .8 after an okay day. 

Made an agreement with my brother to go a week without any exceptions.  Unfortunately, that week can't start yet because we gave friends coming over this weekend and the dinner menu consists of green chile, chips and salsa, guacamole, beef, chicken, fideo, and margaritas - all of it home-made (yes, even the chips)!  I am not even going to pretend that there is even a small chance of being good.  As my brother said yesterday, I may end up hitting 250 after that night. 

So, our commitment to each other is 9 days, from September 16 through September 24, with NO exceptions.  I need a run of days like that.  In fact, I am actually going to strive to go from this Sunday all the way through the end of the month.  That includes a visit from my Mom and a likely trip to Mi Ranchito's.  But, I need to figure that out someday and it might as well be this trip.

Day 26 - (0.8), Overall - (8.6), Pounds To Break 220 - 24.2, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - (2.8)

244.8

Ho hum day.  Not much to say.

Day 25 - (0.4), Overall - (7.8), Pounds To Break 220 - 25.0, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - (3.1)

245.2

I can't tell you how hard it is to post on here when I have had a bad day, or bad weekend in this case.  I want so badly to get through a weekend a little lighter and start a new week on a good note.  Even more so with my lack of recent success.  I think, more than anything, posting these posts just feel so redundant and boring.  "I suck", "curse the weekend", "back to it", blah blah blah, yada yada yada.

We had originally planned on going to Elitch Gardens (a Denver amusement park) on Saturday.  I thought with all of the walking, an hour or so in the wave pool, climbing some steps for some of the rides, and an average amusement park lunch, I would be down a little or pretty much equal heading in to Sunday.  But, after finding out the water park portion of the amusement park was closed as of Labor Day, we decided not to go.  So, with absolutely nothing planned other than letting Kelsea see Niko's new apartment, we did the next best thing... we looked for a good place to eat. 

Kelsea suggested Duffy's Cherry Cricket, a place I had been to years ago when consulting in Denver and a place recommended to her by some people she works with.  The Cherry Cricket is a bar near the Cherry Creek Mall hidden amongst a bunch of high-priced shopping.  Well, it used to be just a bar.  After being featured on a couple of food shows on television, including Man Vs. Food, business is booming and the restaurant expanded a couple of years ago and must seat at least three times the number of people than it did 15 years ago. 

The Cherry Cricket is known for their burgers with a ton of toppings to choose from, including the infamous peanut butter and egg combo.  I skipped that, though I did have the egg... and bacon, and cheese, and mayo, and french fries, and chips and salsa, and a good portion of Lori's burrito.  When I had previously frequented The Cherry Cricket 15 years ago, I got the same thing every time I went and loved it.  I was going to get the same thing again, a white chili chicken burrito.  But, I wanted to try the burgers as well.  So, when Lori ordered the burrito, I figured I could try both.  I didn't intend on eating mine and almost half of hers.

So, we spent the rest of the day shopping and trying to make that miserable feeling go away.  I was stuffed.  Right about the time I was feeling like a normal human being again, Lori and my son wanted to go to dinner.  So, we ended up at the place I thought we would go originally, Red Robin, a family favorite.  Now, before you thing this story takes an even more tragic turn, let me just say that I didn't eat.  Well, very little.  I picked at a few fries, took a small bite of my wife's burger and my son's wrap, and had a couple of spoons of my daughter's shake.  That was enough to make me feel slightly gross again.  But, all in all given the circumstance, a minor dalliance with willpower.

Despite my late night restraint, it wasn't enough to keep me from gaining 3.2 pounds on Sunday.  Yesterday wasn't a whole lot better.  Played in a scramble golf tourney and ate and drank.  Ate some more last night.  The only good thing was the 18 holes of golf. 

I somehow managed to get 2.2 back this morning, leaving me 1.8 higher than I started the weekend.  I hate this sense of relief mixed in with my anger.  I should just be mad at myself.  I hate that my son moved to Denver.  As soon as I pass Castle Rock on the way to Denver, all I can think about is what I want to eat.  It's a good thing I don't live in a big city.  And, it's a good thing that I decided I am never visiting my son again.

That puts me way behind pace...

Day 24 - (2.0), Overall - (7.4), Pounds To Break 220 - 25.4, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - (3.1)

243.4

First, the bad news.  I am actually 1 pound heavier than I was last Friday. That's not good.

Now, for some good news.  I am down 1.4 from yesterday... the first decent drop in days.  And, I am back on pace.  Exactly on pace to be more specific.  My three week goal was 243.4.  After starting so well, it seems somewhat bittersweet.  But, in the grand scheme of things, I am where I wanted to be and will take some solace in that.

Day 21 - (1.4), Overall - (9.2), Pounds To Break 220 - 23.6, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - 0

244.8

At this rate, I will be 300 pounds again soon.  But, I will be really strong! 

I went from two weeks ahead of pace to now being behind pace by almost a pound. 

Day 20 - +0.8, Overall - (7.8), Pounds To Break 220 - 25.0, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - (0.9)

244.0... Again

Once again, a near perfect day is squandered by...  well, I don't exactly know why.  This has become somewhat disheartening and my initial goal of just getting under 240 again seems like it is permanently on hold.  I did this once before and was pretty confident about my formula.  The only thing that has changed is that I am now lifting weights daily.  In fact, I haven't lifted this hard since I was a teenager.  But, I still have a hard time believing that this is the reason I have flatlined on this phase of my journey. 

Yesterday, I ate well, lifted weights at lunch, bowled for two and a half hours, and still made it to the club for 30 minutes on the treadmill.  I didn't even eat or drink anything at the bowling alley!  What would normally be a 2 pound loss resulted in absolutely NO CHANGE! 

The only other possibility besides gaining muscle weight is the possibility that I am not getting enough calories.  The only way to fix that issue is to begin to eat less healthy foods.  I say this because I honestly could not eat much more food.  I eat plenty of food and am always full.  Yet, because of my choices, I am having a hard time getting my calories up.  The solution of changing the foods to higher caloric foods just doesn't feel like the answer.  But, if things don't turn over the next week, it is my only option.

Day 19 - no change, Overall - (8.6), Pounds To Break 220 - 24.2, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - 0.3

245.0 Yesterday, 244.0 Today

Well, I got 2 of the pounds back over the last couple of days and that puts me back slightly ahead of pace.  Still 1.6 behind where I was on Friday with a pretty ugly weekend.

Day 18 - (1.0), Overall - (8.6), Pounds To Break 220 - 24.2, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - 0.7

242.6 Yesterday, 246.0 Today

I followed up a perfect day that saw me STILL gain .2 pounds with an absolutely dreadful day that included CiCi's pizza buffet, a lot of cashews, and some chocolate-covered pomegranate to complete the fat trifecta.  That combination resulted in more than 4,000 calories, or more than I had consumed total for the three previous days!  And, I paid for it dearly with a 3.4 pound gain this morning.  That also puts me behind pace.

Day 16 - 3.4, Overall - (6.6), Pounds To Break 220 - 26.2, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - (0.4)

242.4

With my .8 pound drop from yesterday, that puts me at 10.2 over the first two weeks.  I like that I am 10+ pounds down.  But I am disappointed that week 2 was only a pound.  Given the three "episodes" (as I will now call them) that I had, I guess I should take the pound and shut up.  I still find myself 2.2 pounds from my internal goal of 240 that I wanted for today.  The good news is that I am already a pound in front of next Friday's original goal and 2 pounds from the following week's goal.  Even better than that, despite what the scale shows, I have had three near-perfect days and I feel better already and my clothes are starting to fit better again.

Day 14 - (0.8), Overall - (10.2), Pounds To Break 220 - 22.6, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - 4.1

243.2

That's a little better.  Down 1.8 after another near-perfect day.  Would have been even happier had that not followed a 1 pound gain yesterday.  I won't get to 240 by tomorrow as I had hoped.  So, I will hope for something around 242 and still be thrilled!  Today's weight is my lowest since May 26 and puts me 3.7 ahead of my pace.

Day 13 - (1.8), Overall - (9.4), Pounds To Break 220 - 23.4, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - 3.7

245.0... WTF?!!!!!!

Over the last two and a half years, I have had plenty of surprises.  Days, like Monday, where I thought I would be up a pound or two and am only up .4.  Days where I feel like I have done pretty good and find myself exactly the same as the day before.  But, NEVER have I been as disappointed as I was this morning.  I had a perfect day yesterday.  My calories were low (possibly too low?), I lifted weights at lunch, rode my bike to the gym and back and around the neighborhood (25 minutes), and walked on the treadmill for 45 minutes.  I fully expected to not only lose weight, but to have one of those 2-3 pounds losses that would put me back on track to being 240 by Friday. Well, that hope was dashed this morning after gaining a pound.

Now, before you send me comments saying "don't give up", "maybe you put on muscle", "you need more calories", let me assure you that: 1) I will not give up and still feel good about what I am doing; 2) I have not gained any muscle yet and this theory is over-rated and over-used; and 3) I will be careful about my calories and up it a little bit.  Regarding that last sentence, I don't believe that the body goes in to starvation mode that quickly. 

I will just chalk it up to one of those days.  The weird thing is how well I can predict where I am going to be and how far off base I was this time.

Day 12 - 1.0, Overall - (7.6), Pounds To Break 220 - 25.2, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - 2.4

244.0

Down .2 from yesterday after eating a not-so-good lunch.  That means I have failed to eat well for the third time in four days.  Not good.  Today I will make amends before I lose any momentum.  I wanted to be under 240 by this Friday.  I now have left myself with only three days.

Day 11 - (0.2), Overall - (8.6), Pounds To Break 220 - 24.2, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - 3.8

244.2

Alright, so I start the new week .8 pounds up from Friday's weight.  Not the weekend I had hoped for.  But, not quite as damaging as weekends have been lately.  I have said this before, it's all about expectations.  After a great first half of the day, I had a horrible night.  I won't go in to details.  But, suffice it to say, I thought I was going to gain at least a couple of pounds and was dreading going back over 245.  I couldnt' believe the scale when I saw I had only gone up .4.  That was incredible news.  Message to the weight gods - I will reward you this week with hard work for being so kind to me this morning.

Day 10 - 0.4, Overall - (8.4), Pounds To Break 220 - 24.4, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - 4.0

243.8

Down .4 after an okay day.  Need to lose .6 by tomorrow so that I start my week lower than I ended the previous week.  If I can get through the weekends lower or close to my weight going in to the weekends, that will be a good omen.

Day 9 - (0.4), Overall - (8.8), Pounds To Break 220 - 24.0, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - 4.9

244.2

My punishment for free food was .8 pounds.  I guess it could have been worse.  Moving on...

Day 8 - 0.8, Overall - (8.4), Pounds To Break 220 - 24.4, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - 4.9

Stupid VIP Passes

One of the perks I left behind when I left Loaf 'N Jug was Colorado State Fair tickets.  It's not that I don't want to pay for the day or two when we might go the Fair and actually spend the day there.  It's just that Lori and I had gotten out of the habit of actually spending a whole day wondering around the Fair.  Instead, and because we had an admission pass for the entire length of the Fair, we would go over on a lot of nights for shorter periods of time.  Mostly, we just went for walks and did a lot of people watching.  We would walk for a couple of hours, catch up with friends we ran in to, watch the young kids in the Midway macking on one another, and laugh at all of the strange foods, stores, shows, and mostly the people.  But, I don't want to pay full price just to take walks.

It was also nice to get to see some of the shows that have come through the Fairgrounds.  I have enjoyed going back in time with Loverboy, Foreigner, and REO Speedwagon and getting a chance to see some of my new faves like Chris Daughtry.  The only thing that helped me not miss having a chance for concert tickets this year was the fact that I really didn't have a lot of interest in any of the shows this year.

So, I realized that my recent tradition of finding myself at the Fair on the opening night was coming to an end.  I got home from work tonight and checked Facebook quickly before heading to the club.  And, there it was.  A local restaurant, Feelin' A Little Philly Cheesesteaks, posted that they had two tickets to the Chris Young concert if anyone wanted them.  I asked Kelsea if she wanted to go.  Not because I love Chris Young.  I honestly don't know a single Chris Young song and only recently even heard the name.  But, I wanted to go to the Fair, I thought it would be nice to hang with my daughter, and I thought it would fun to see a rodeo.  Yes, I have never been to a rodeo... we are not all cowboys in Colorado. So, we picked up the tickets.  Thank you Feelin' A LIttle Philly Cheesesteaks for the generous offer (and I do frequent your restaurant... even have a punchcard!) and apologies to those two females out there who were dying to see Chris Young only to find out two people who just wanted something to do had already taken them.

The point of this long story?  Well, when we got the tickets, she said they were also VIP tickets and got us in to the VIP tent... with free food.  Yes, my nemesis, free food.  I had already had some tomatoes and mozzarella for dinner and was feeling pretty good.  But, it was free food.  So, I went through the line and got a little bit of everything.  In the end, I skipped over a lot of it and probably ate half my plate.  But, there was also chips and salsa on the table... my other nemesis.  I ate plenty of that.  And, as I took my last bite and drank my last drink of the beer I also had, the regret started sinking in.

So, I have shown some resolve at a couple of lunches and at an engagement party.  But, not so much tonight. Shame on me. The one thing I have never fixed even when I was losing weight was wanting to take advantage of free food.  That is embarassing to write.  But, maybe if I keep embarassing myself and admitting this, I will one day be able to break myself of this habit. 

After spending some time catching up with friends, including all of my favorite LNJ people, Kelsea and I walked briskly around the Fair for about 45 minutes.  I heard a couple of Chris Young songs and all I can say is that I am glad the girls find him cute, because that is just not the type of country I like (again, sorry to those two girls).  I got home and decided to make one last ditch effort to keep my streak of not gaining weight alive.  So, I went for a 25 minute bike ride.  I don't feel great.  I don't feel horrible.  But, I anxiously await tomorrow's news.

Here's to skipping the food at the VIP tent next time... scratch that, here's to skipping the entire concert and going to the club with my daughter instead and spending quality time there... and letting those two girls enjoy those tickets a little more than we would...

243.4... 9.2 Down After One Week!

Down 1.0 pound since yesterday and 9.2 down from last Friday!  The best part of yesterday was surviving another restaurant without gaining weight.  I chose Chipotle for my belated birthday lunch and got a chicken bowl.  Not as low as my typical work lunches.  But, not too bad.  And, it was excellent.

The best part of the day was last night when I mowed the lawn for 20 minutes, rode my bike for 30 minutes, and walked on the treadmill for 45.  That puts me 6.6 pounds ahead of pace after one week.  Even crazier is that I am already at the pace I established for myself two weeks from now!  This is the lowest I have been since May 26!

Day 7 - (1.0), Overall - (9.2), Pounds To Break 220 - 23.6, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - 6.1

244.4

 Back under 245!  Down 1.4 from yesterday.  As I said in my post last night, the last time I was under 245 was June 26, or 58 days ago.  Still hard to believe.  My next barrier, 240, was even longer ago.  The good news is that the jump from 240 to 245 took a lot longer than many of the previous jumps.  That last happened on February 29!  So, I have been 240+ for six months.  That's depressing.

Now, I work on figuring out a place to go eat with my friends for my belated birthday lunch without gaining weight tomorrow.  Hmmmmm...

Day 6 - (1.6), Overall - (8.2), Pounds To Break 220 - 24.6, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - 5.6

Sneaky Little Weight

I spent some time today looking back over the last year.  I was mostly looking at the last time I was under 245, then 240, then 235, etc.  I was writing down the dates so that I knew them when I broke those barriers and I could write that on this blog.  Over the last couple of weeks, I have been upset with myself for how I have fluctuated between 240-250 pounds.  Well, weight gain can be a sneaky little thing.  I looked to see when I last was under 245, since I am approaching that mini-barrier this week.  I was stunned to see that it was June 26!  Almost two months ago!  So, I wasn't hovering between 240-250.  I was actually hovering between 245-255.

I think it would be easier to make change if you saw that weight in large chunks.  If you went from 235 to 250 over night or over a week, you might take notice and make immediate changes. But, what happens, or at least for me over the last year, is that you slowly creep up.  I crept in to the 220s in September of last year.  I made the jump to the 240s late in 2011.  You get the picture.  I kept thinking that I was a little higher than the month before.  Which was true... for 11 consecutive months.  It's harder to make changes when you only see a few extra pounds in a month.  Weight should be more obvious.

I am on to weight's dirty little tricks.  Here's to outfoxing the weight... oh, and getting under 245 for the first time in almost two months...

246.0

Great day yesterday.  I ate like I was eating two years ago, low calories, low fat, high protein, high fiber.  I lifted weights at lunch for the first time in forever.  I did 40 minutes on the treadmill when I had been doing 30-35.  And then, I made the best choice of the day when I went to join Lori at Walmart to do some shopping.  Rather than drive, rather than walk (as I have been doing the last couple of times), I was running late so I decided to run as much as I could.  I ran between 50-60% of the way.  And, while it felt a little rough on the knees and lungs, it was the most euphoric feeling I have had in well over six months.  My reward this morning was another 1.6 pound drop.  Five days in, five days down, and 4.4 ahead of the pace I set for myself.  My new goal for the end of August is to get back under 240.

Day 5 - (1.6), Overall - (6.6), Pounds To Break 220 - 26.2, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - 4.4

247.6

Down .8 pounds, or 5 pounds in 4 days!  I know I have thought this before, but I do feel like the switch has gone off again and I am back on track.  Ahead of my Friday goal by 1.9 pounds and 1.1 pounds shy of the following Friday's goal.

Day 4 - (0.8), Overall - (5.0), Pounds To Break 220 - 27.8, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - 3.3

248.4

Down another pound.  More importantly, down 4.2 over a weekend.  Weekends are always difficult and, the way I have been lately, I would be happy to stay even throughout an entire weekend.  So, to lose 4+ is a great start.  Now, I have the week to continue the momentum with only one belated birthday lunch to test my mettle.

I realized this morning that I need a goal.  I like having weeky numbers that mean something.  And, as I always do, I think I will make it agressive but attainable.  So, the goal is under 220 by the end of October.  My goal when I started this was under 200.  And, I got there.  Not saying that I won't want to be there again.  But, right now I would be comfortable if I could settle in at 215.  So, that is 32.8 pounds in 75 days, or .44 per day.  Ahead of pace so far!

Day 3 - (1.0), Overall - (4.2), Pounds To Break 220 - 29.6, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - 2.9

249.4

Despite a few drinks with friends, I was still down 2.6 pounds!  Lots of work in the yard, a trip to the club, and good eating made up for my slight indulgence last night.  Under 250 again.  I hope to never see that number again. 

For the second time in two days, I made some decent food choices at an event/restaurant.  Went to an engagement party and ignored all of the sweets, pasta, soda and had a couple of meatballs, some salad and water.  Again, that is my biggest weakness and is a good sign that my head is on right again.

Day 2 - (2.6), Overall - (3.2)

Old Friends

Mixed results today.  I ate pretty good all day.  Then I went to an engagement party for a friend from Loaf 'N Jug.  The problem is that there were several old friends from Loaf 'N Jug.  That ended up being several drinks with old friends from Loaf 'N Jug.  So, the day didn't end like it started.  Maybe I should have had those chicken wings with my son.  But, I had a great time and it was fun laughing with all of them.

Tomorrow will be interesting.  Here's to old Loaf 'N Jug friends...

252.0

Down .6.  Not a great start.  But, the positives are the choices I made at lunch yesterday after struggling with restaurant choices.  Water instead of soda.  Salad instead of french fries.  Turkey sandwich instead of a bacon cheeseburger.  Wanted to skip the club and still made myself go.  Today, Niko asked if we could cook chicken wings.  That sounded really good. But, I said no.  So, now everyone around me suffers... lol. 

It's a start.  The weight will come.  It always does.  Changing my mentality is the real battle.  Yesterday was a start.

Day 1 - (0.6), Overall - (0.6)

Embarassing

Yes, the last year has been embarassing.  It stuns me to think that I have gained almost 55 pounds since my low of 198.  I guess the good news is that I am still 60+ lower than my all-time high.  But, it is still embarassing. 

I'm not embarassed that I am now over 250 pounds.  I am embarassed because I said it wouldn't happen to me.  I said I couldn't believe someone could lose all that weight and then let themselves go again.  I am embarassed when someone still tells me I look good and I know how fat I feel in my mind.  I am embarassed of my round face that has come back. 

I was proud, and rightfully so.  But, despite it not being the main reason for blogging, it is hard to deny that there isn't a certain element of bragging that comes with posting all of your successes.  My main reason was accountibility. But, I liked seeing the weight loss posted on Facebook.  I liked posting my numbers on this blog.  All the evidence you need to know that there is an element of bragging in this blog is the lack of blogging during those times when I wasn't as successful.  I used the excuse of being too busy.  But, I was equally as busy when I was blogging twice a day. 

The flip side of having the veiled opportunity to brag a little bit is the bit of crow I find myself eating now that I have failed over the last year.  And, I do consider it a failure.  You can sugar coat it all you want.  But, I succeeded with hard work and discipline.  And, I failed because I was lazy and lacked even a little bit of willpower. 

But, I am back and plan to write about my continued journey, whether I am successful or continue to struggle.  Thanks again for always reading.  Here's to sucking it up and taking the bad with the good...

252.6

Alright, there it is.  I need this blog.  I need myfitnesspal.com.  I thought I could do this without the logging.  But, I was wrong.  I didn't stop writing in the blog for the same reason, just got lazy and it stopped being important.  Well, no longer. 

As you can see by my weight, I am still struggling.  That is not my recent high.  My recent high was 254.  That is, however, up from yesterday.  I had hoped to get to a decent number by my birthday.  Instead, I ate like a pig on my birthday and gained 1.8 pounds.

The lone positive thing I can say about myself is that I remain optimistic.  Last night I went birthday shopping and bought a pair of shorts that I love... in the wrong size.  So, for now, I can't even wear my new shorts along with other things I have bought over the last six months. But, I will... I will.

New Starting Weight, 252.6

Down 20 Pounds! My New Inspiration

Okay, before you get too excited for me, I am not talking about myself.  After six weeks, my daughter Kelsea is down 20 pounds!  And, I actually find myself jealous of her will power.  I am so incredibly proud of her determination and hope that she motivates me to get busy again.  I thought my 25th anniversary would motivate me.  I thought a weight-loss contest at work would motivate me.  But, none of those things worked.  Let's hope Kelsea can.

This morning, Kelsea put on a shirt that Lori and I had bought her in Las Vegas earlier in the year.  That shirt never fit her... until today.  She was beaming that she could now wear her Beatles shirt and I was thrilled. 

Let's not confuse any pride I have in my daughter as being some Shallow Hal-like thought of wanting my daughter to be thinner.  I love my daughter... immensely.  I would love her at 300 pounds, love her now at the weight she is at, and will love her going forward when there is less of her to love.  I am proud that she is fighting this battle.  Those who struggle with their weight understand what I am talking about.  I am proud that she has changed the way she eats and rarely gives in to temptation.  I am proud that she has started to exercise regularly. I am proud because she has some personal goals in front of her and she looks like she is going to accomplish them.

Throughout Kelsea's health struggles over the last couple of years, I have watched it effect her weight and her confidence.  She had some weight to lose before this, but these struggles and the drugs, like steroids, made everything harder for her.  She started to lose confidence and it seemed like she was accepting a fate of not being healthy.  For me, my only sadness when I looked at her was knowing that she didn't understand how beautiful she was.  That she didn't understand how much people cared about her because of her incredible personality, sense of humor, and great soul.  I wanted her to get healthy so that she believed again that she was a beautiful person.  I wanted her to get healthy so that all of these troubling health issues weren't as prone to keep continuing.  I wanted her to take on each day with a renewed confidence.  And, having gone through this and having been somewhat successful, I knew what changing the exterior to match the interior meant. 

I hope that Kelsea continues to be successful.  I hope that she is able to do what she wants to do in the upcoming year... something that requires her to be fit.  I hope she meets her goals.  I mostly hope that she finds a place where she can smile each day, be happy and confident, and have a shell that matches all of the awesomeness that she holds inside.  Kelsea - You are a BEAUTIFUL KIND CARING FUNNY LOVING person.  And, I will love you whether you meet this goal or not.  Just know that I am proud of your effort.

By the way, I weighed 245.4 this morning.  Not great.  Not my worst.  In my hiatus, I got as high as 253.6... which actually makes my current weight sound not too bad.  It's all about perspective!  Hopefully, it won't take me 3 months to write my next entry.

247.8

Mi Ranchito's... 'nuff said.

Last Chance Phase, Day 23 - 3.4, Overall - 0.0, Pounds From Goal - 40.0, Days Remaining-47, Ahead (Behind) Pace - (9.2)

244.4

Down 1.8 pounds.  I only need 4 more days just like that to get myself back on pace. 

Last Chance Phase, Day 22 - (1.8), Overall - (3.4), Pounds From Goal - 36.6, Days Remaining-48, Ahead (Behind) Pace - (5.4)

246.2

Up .2 pounds... with no weekend as an excuse.

Last Chance Phase, Day 21 - 0.2, Overall - (1.6), Pounds From Goal - 38.4, Days Remaining-49, Ahead (Behind) Pace - (6.8)

244.8/246.0

If there were any other words to describe "disappointment" or "self-loathing", I would use them.  Unfortunately, I think I have used them all up.  Time to get out the thesaurus...

Last Chance Phase, Day 20 - 1.2, Overall - (1.8), Pounds From Goal - 38.2, Days Remaining-50, Ahead (Behind) Pace - (6.2)

243.6

After meeting friends for lunch at a "restaurant", I am happy about the .6 drop this morning.  Always a good feeling to eat out and still not gain.  It would help me mentally if I could not gain any weight over the weekend.  Maybe I could even start a new week under 240!

Last Chance Phase, Day 18 - (0.6), Overall - (4.2), Pounds From Goal - 35.8, Days Remaining-52, Ahead (Behind) Pace - (3.0)

244.2

Down .8 and at my lowest weight since March 23.  Come on Anthony, you can do this...

Last Chance Phase, Day 17 - (0.8), Overall - (3.6), Pounds From Goal - 36.4, Days Remaining-53, Ahead (Behind) Pace - (3.2)

246.0/246.0/248.2/249.2/248.2/247.8/245.0

From Friday
Up .8 pounds as I continue to struggle to find any momentum.  Once again, found myself at a restaurant eating too much food after being perfect throughout the day.  The worst part about this story is that it was a restaurant that I have never even liked.  Contrary to local opinion, I am not a fan of The Do Drop Inn and their pizza.  Too thick, too sweet, too slow, too bland for me.  So, when my mom mentioned that her and the girls were thinking of going there last night, I didn't balk at the suggestion.  In fact, I was trying not to eat too much for dinner and thought that going to a place I didn't like would be perfect.  Despite my plan, the pizza seemed a little better than normal and I still ended up eating too much food.  I went from only planning to eat a little salad to having a couple of slices of pizza... and a little sald.

From Today
My brother asked me in a text yesterday whether I had cracked the 250 barrier.  Well, not quite, but I flirted with it.  Once again, I had another crappy weekend and ended up gaining another 3.2 pounds by Monday morning and saw the scale say 249.2 for the second time in the last three weeks. That seemed to motivate me slightly and this has been a decent week.  This morning was a 2.8 pound loss from yesterday and I found myself down 4.2 since Monday.  I need a good weekend because I really feel that breaking the 240 barrier again will help.

 Last Chance Phase, Day 16 - (2.8), Overall - (2.8), Pounds From Goal - 37.2, Days Remaining-54, Ahead (Behind) Pace - (3.6)

245.2

A little better day, down 1.6 pounds.

Last Chance Phase, Day  9 - (1.6), Overall - (2.6), Pounds From Goal - 37.4, Days Remaining-61, Ahead (Behind) Pace - (1.0)

246.8

I continue to disappoint myself on a daily basis.  It really comes down to one thing... being better when I eat out.  I am exercising most nights.  I am eating good at work and when I am home.  My only downfall is that I can't seem to show the same discipline when I eat out that I demonstrated when I was doing so well.  Over the last 8 days, I have had Ianne's pizza, Popeye's Chicken, Shorty's, Nacho's (twice), The Sunset Inn, and leftover Olive Garden.  Come on man!

Last Chance Phase, Day  8 - 0.8, Overall - (1.0), Pounds From Goal - 39.0, Days Remaining-62, Ahead (Behind) Pace - (2.2)

246.0

Down .6 pounds.  After skipping the gym, I will take it.

Last Chance Phase, Day  7 - (0.6), Overall - (1.8), Pounds From Goal - 38.2, Days Remaining-63, Ahead (Behind) Pace - (1.0)

244.4/246.2/246.6

Disappointing weekend that included a slopper at The Sunset... combined with fries... and a few more fries from Rita's plate... and a few more fries and a little more slopper from my mom's plate... and a little more green chile from Lori's plate... oh, and a side of green chile which I usually need but didn't this time... and the tortilla that came with that side of chile.  : (

The only good thing about the weekend is that I actually said no to the popcorn I was craving so badly at the movie theatre on Saturday night.  I guess it could have been worse.

Last Chance Phase, Day  6 - 0.4, Overall - (1.2), Pounds From Goal - 38.8, Days Remaining-64, Ahead (Behind) Pace - (1.2)

243.0

Down .6 pounds and down for the third straight day.  I am currently ahead of my .4 per day pace by 3.6 with a total of 4.8 through three days.  Today will be a challenge with a lunch with friends and pizza dinner with my mom and family.

Last Chance Phase, Day  3 - (0.6), Overall - (4.8), Pounds From Goal - 35.2, Days Remaining-67, Ahead (Behind) Pace - 3.6

243.6

Two days in and two days down!  Down another 1.0 this morning.

Last Chance Phase, Day  2 - (1.0), Overall - (4.2), Pounds From Goal - 35.8, Days Remaining-68

244.6

Great start to this comeback phase of my journey.  Down 3.2 pounds after a really good day of eating and exercise.  36.8 more to go over the next 69 days!

Last Chance Phase, Day  1-(3.2), Overall-(3.2), Pounds From Goal-36.8, Days Remaining-69

I'm Back!

As much as it has seemed that way over the last couple of months, this blog is not yet dead.  Unfortunately, I don't have any good news to share with you.  I have continued my roller coaster ride as I slowly climb upwards in weight.  I realize now that I am not strong enough to do this without this blog.  Without an exercise streak.  Without weekly goals.  Without sharing the numbers with you.

Way back in December, I stopped posting my weight.  I was too embarassed by what I saw on the morning of December 26 and decided to just post the changes.  What a sissy!  Without typing those numbers, without feeling embarassed, without sharing, this blog was useless.  I weight 246.0 that day, which at the time was my highest weight since June 25, 2010.  I hovered between that weight and 238.2 over the next six weeks.  I even had a four day streak where I lost weight every day, a first in a very long time.

But, right after that streak, Lori and I went to Las Vegas.  I didn't show the same control I had the last time we went to Las Vegas.  We eveb went to a buffet.  But, until the last day, I felt like I had walked enough to offset any of the bad food and drink.  That was before we made our way to The Carengi Deli and ate the Woody Allen... a giant pastrami and corned beef sandwich!  When I finished with my half, I couldn't have been too far from the meat sweats!  That sandwich sat in my stomach like a lump and returned to Pueblo with me.  My weight upon our return was 5.4 pounds higher than when I left and just under my high mentioned above.

Nothing changed, and on February 6, I saw another new high of 247.6 and was stunned.  That seemed to wake me up.  Combined with a recognition award from Kroger (of which I will talk more about later), it seemed to be what I needed and over the next couple of weeks, I lost 11.2 pounds.  I also lost weigh for 10 straight days and was feeling good about my choices.

Sadly, that wasn't it and I started gaining slowly once again.  I left for a business trip and subsequent trip to San Diego to move my son at 244.6.  Nothing changed on either of those trips and I found myself almost breaking the 250 mark at 249.2.  And, it showed.  And, I could feel it.  I was down to 243.8 by Saturday.

This morning, I was saddened when I saw 247.8.  Not my high, but extremely close and the second highest number I have seen in almost two years!  I told myself no more... but, I don't have near the confidence I had a few months ago.  What I do have is you.  What I do have is this blog.  What I do have is that sickening feeling I felt when I saw my brother last week and was embarassed by how I look.  What I do have is a limited wardrobe as I stubbornly refuse to buy new clothes.

I think this is my last chance to turn this around before I let myself go back to the way I was.  I don't want to be that person again.  I don't want to hate myself again.  I am dangerously close.  My goal is to lose 40 pounds over the next 10 weeks.  Here's to one more chance...

Last Chance, Starting Weight - 247.8
 

Down 3.0 Pounds

I was up 2.0 pounds on Saturday.  I followed that up with losses of .6, .2, and 3.0 over the last three days.  That puts me at 8.6 pounds lower than my high and at my lowest since December 11, or almost a month!  Still haven't made the drastic changes to get me completely on track.  But, I am happy with the subtle changes and the slow movement in the downward direction.

Up 1.4 Pounds

Not happy about it... but, I am still posting it.

Down 3.0 Pounds

Okay, so I have noticed I have developed  a rather annoying little habit.  I definitely seem to post more when I am losing weight.  For some reason, I just "seem" so much busier whenever I have gained weight and just can't find the time.  Of course, it's not like this is some great discovery about human nature.  The problem is that it is not good for accountibility.  The purpose of the blog was to write about those bad days so that they weren't repeated.

My New Year's Pary was a little worse than expected, as you can see by the numbers below.  A little more food and drink than I had planned... curse you Matt!  But, while I am not where I wanted to be today, I am still in a much better place than 11 days ago, having lost 8.2 pounds in that period.  Here are the January fluctuations...

January 1 - Up 3.4
January 2 - Down .8
January 3 - Up 1.2
January 4 - Down 1.2
January 5 - Down 3.0