I'm Back!

As much as it has seemed that way over the last couple of months, this blog is not yet dead.  Unfortunately, I don't have any good news to share with you.  I have continued my roller coaster ride as I slowly climb upwards in weight.  I realize now that I am not strong enough to do this without this blog.  Without an exercise streak.  Without weekly goals.  Without sharing the numbers with you.

Way back in December, I stopped posting my weight.  I was too embarassed by what I saw on the morning of December 26 and decided to just post the changes.  What a sissy!  Without typing those numbers, without feeling embarassed, without sharing, this blog was useless.  I weight 246.0 that day, which at the time was my highest weight since June 25, 2010.  I hovered between that weight and 238.2 over the next six weeks.  I even had a four day streak where I lost weight every day, a first in a very long time.

But, right after that streak, Lori and I went to Las Vegas.  I didn't show the same control I had the last time we went to Las Vegas.  We eveb went to a buffet.  But, until the last day, I felt like I had walked enough to offset any of the bad food and drink.  That was before we made our way to The Carengi Deli and ate the Woody Allen... a giant pastrami and corned beef sandwich!  When I finished with my half, I couldn't have been too far from the meat sweats!  That sandwich sat in my stomach like a lump and returned to Pueblo with me.  My weight upon our return was 5.4 pounds higher than when I left and just under my high mentioned above.

Nothing changed, and on February 6, I saw another new high of 247.6 and was stunned.  That seemed to wake me up.  Combined with a recognition award from Kroger (of which I will talk more about later), it seemed to be what I needed and over the next couple of weeks, I lost 11.2 pounds.  I also lost weigh for 10 straight days and was feeling good about my choices.

Sadly, that wasn't it and I started gaining slowly once again.  I left for a business trip and subsequent trip to San Diego to move my son at 244.6.  Nothing changed on either of those trips and I found myself almost breaking the 250 mark at 249.2.  And, it showed.  And, I could feel it.  I was down to 243.8 by Saturday.

This morning, I was saddened when I saw 247.8.  Not my high, but extremely close and the second highest number I have seen in almost two years!  I told myself no more... but, I don't have near the confidence I had a few months ago.  What I do have is you.  What I do have is this blog.  What I do have is that sickening feeling I felt when I saw my brother last week and was embarassed by how I look.  What I do have is a limited wardrobe as I stubbornly refuse to buy new clothes.

I think this is my last chance to turn this around before I let myself go back to the way I was.  I don't want to be that person again.  I don't want to hate myself again.  I am dangerously close.  My goal is to lose 40 pounds over the next 10 weeks.  Here's to one more chance...

Last Chance, Starting Weight - 247.8