I Suck!

I am a weak human being.  I didn't even want to post a blog entry today.  But, that is why I am doing this.  This is the "accountability" portion of this exercise.  As much as I would love to share only good stories, I feel obligated to share the bad as well.  So, as embarassing as this post is for me, here goes nothing.

Yesterday, after my 2.6 pounds lost and a great workout, I left the club on another high.  I think I have mentioned how emotional I am and how that has increased with age... okay, I am a big sap.  And, for some reason, this journey has made me even more emotional.  When I left the club I was listening to "Feeling Good" by Muse.  That's exactly how I was feeling and I got that all too familiar chill and got teary-eyed with excitement.  I felt an all-time high in confidence at that moment.

Lori and I left a short time later for Denver to watch Niko coach a basketball game and to go to a Colorado Rockies game.  Somewhere along that drive, all of that resolve and all of that tough love I had given myself the day before flew out the window.  Maybe it was an altitude thing, but when we got to the Coca Cola suite I immediately forgot everything I said and that feeling I had on Friday morning.  I assume the way I forget these bad moments must somehow be the same mechanism that women use to forget the pain of pregnancy.  This, of course, is a great thing for mothers because it allows them to have more than one child.  But, for fat pigs such as myself, this mechanism does not work so well.

The fare in the suite started out with some Philly cheese steak sandwiches and some hotdogs and brats and continued to grow from there!  A veritable smorgasbord of temptations from cheese pizza to queso dip to guacamole to 7-layer dip to salsa to hot dogs to brats to peanuts to some kind of meat lover's pizza to the afore-mentioned Philly cheese steak sandwiches (my favorite).  Throw in a couple of beers and I had full confirmation that I do not have even a thread of willpower.  My biggest weakness is not only all of these fattening food choices, it's made worse by the fact that all of these delights were free!  Before I continue, let me add another thank you to Jeff Krams and an even bigger thank you to Rob Coulter and Coca Cola for a great time.  Great game, great food, great company.  I might add an additional thanks to Rob for bringing his five year old son Austin.  My trips with Austin to search for vampire bats in Coors Field was one of the few things I did that actually removed calories!   On Friday, the day that I was furious with myself, I ate only 828 calories.  When I entered the damages today I realized that I had quietly eaten 2,698 calories yesterday!

I expected to see a bad number this morning.  But, I never expected to see the same 2.6 pounds lost the previous morning back on the scale!  Yes, this morning's weight was 284.6 again!  Again.  Again.  Same crappy feeling.  Same regret.  Went to the club and worked even harder today.  I found myself getting teary-eyed again on the treadmill but this time it wasn't one of those moments of elation.  I was upset with myself.  Walked about 10 minutes longer and went 3.85 miles and burned 786 calories.  And, I know this is not healthy so please refrain from the reprimands, I ended up only consuming 734 calories today.  So, my calories from exercise alone were more than my intake.  

I am hoping to be somewhat back on track in the morning.  My biggest frustration is that I would like to be able to attend a sporting event and not go through this.  What I don't want to do is say it's just easier to say no and not even go.  Yeah, that works.  But, I need to be stronger than that so I can enjoy these moments.  So, to prove that I have finally figured this out, I challenge any vendor of ours... heck, any vendor out there... to give me a couple of tickets to your suite during the Nuggets playoff run, preferrably versus the Los Angeles Lakers.  I will prove that I can enjoy that suite without gaining any weight the next day.  I look forward to hearing back from you.

Trying to stay positive, here are a couple of other tidbits.   Other than my Las Vegas trip, I have now been in the club and on the treadmill every single day over the last 32 days.  I had been doing minimal weight on the machines while my body and my connecting issue got through that initial pain.  Yesterday, I finally started to feel like I was lifting weights and increased the weights on all of my exercises.  And, today, I did not eat a single sample at Sam's club.  Maybe not a suite, but it's a start.  Tomorrow, a story about my first yoga class last week.  Here's to not seeing 284 on the scale for a fourth time in a week and ever again...