Curse the Obesity Gods

Disclaimer:  While certainly not intended, the following post may offend those with delicate religious sensibilities.  It is written purely in jest and the writer in no way wishes to imply that he truly believes in or prays to any such god or gods.  The opinions expressed in this blog belong to Anthony Marinucci solely and do not represent the opinions of Blogger, any other blogging website, or that of others who are attempting to lose weight or who blog.  For those who are easily offended, please do not read any further.
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I have done well on this trip to Chicago.  Despite numerous temptations every time I step on the streets of Chicago, I have maintained some semblance of willpower and control.  Not perfect by any means, but acceptable.  One would think, armed with this proof that I can go on a business trip without being bad, that this would be enough to give me confidence for the next time.  It does not. While it helps, I have been down this road before and then blown it the very next time I traveled. 

So, when I found out today that I would be returning to Chicago next week, I cursed the obesity gods and shouted, "Why?!".  I was good getting through one week.  But, two?  After all the years of paying ample homage to these gods, why would they punish me by testing me once again?  What had I done to deserve such fate?  Why were they so angry at me after only a week of blogging and attempting to leave their church?  Why such a quick reaction to my lack of faith?  Couldn't they have given me a month off before flouting their neon obesity restaurant signs?

All kidding aside, I was not happy with this news.  Not because of the hours. Not because of the travel.  Not because I am away from my bed and my wife again.  I was upset only because I wanted the comfort of my routine, my kitchen, and my cupboard.  I wanted to be back in Pueblo where the restaurants still call my name (yes, I am talking to you Mi Ranchito), but not as loudly.

I will survive this.  I will prove I can be good in back to back weeks.  The best thing about this new challenge is that if I can come back home after two weeks of being good, then I imagine that I will feel like nothing can stop me again... like I did three years ago.

When my friend, Joel, was reading my blog the other night and read the line about my holy trinity, he mentioned that I should write my version of The Lord's Prayer.  Joel is a very religious man, so it's okay that he suggested such a thing.  So, for Joel and in honor of the gods I have so offended, here it is...

The Gorger's Prayer
Our stomachs, that eat in heavenly places,

Hollow they are not,

Thy appetizers come,

Thy steak will be medium rare done,

At Outback as it is at Texas Roadhouse ,

Give us this day our Olive Garden breadsticks,

And forgive us for our caloric trespasses,

As we forgive those that shop at Walmart in pajamas or really short shorts (or with pants so tight they cause muffin tops, or shirts too small, or smell too bad, or...),

And lead us not in to temptation,    

But, deliver us a pizza,

For thine is the bread, the bacon, and the cheesy

Forever and ever,

Amen

In the name of Chik-Fil-A, Five Guys, and Qdoba.

Here's to worshiping healthier gods and beating Chicago two weeks in a row...