Disappointed...

The story of this weekend's hike will have to wait until Thursday.


After another poor day of eating, tomorrow's official weigh-in promises to be very disappointing.  My disappointment in myself is almost palpable.  It's hard to believe I would ever have a month where I lost 10 pounds or so and still felt like I had failed.  But, after 14 days in August where I exceeded my calorie goal, that is exactly how I feel.  I think I am mostly disappointed that I had any feelings of satisfaction over my success to date that might have lead to this.  I may have earned the comments I receive about my weight loss, but I have yet to earn the right to be content.  That day is still a couple of months away.

I know I should be satisified with my results.  I know I should be happy with the weight loss.  But, I also know that I could have lost 15 pounds if I had been a little more disciplined.  It's not healthy. I realize that too.  But, I can hardly explain how badly I want to be under 200 pounds.  I wanted so incredibly bad to be under 220 tomorrow and it hurts knowing that it won't happen. 

I am ready for a new month.  Ready for a new start.  Ready for a new opportunity.  I won't make any promises that I might not be able to keep.  But, I would really love to lose 15 pounds in September despite my plan to lose 9.8 

The only good news on this rather bleak night is that my moods, at least outwardly, are no longer affected by these moments.  I am now in a better place and small setbacks definitely do not bother me as they did early on in my journey.  Here's to fresh starts and a new month...