Tired...

Tired today.  Up too late as always.  Long day at work.  And, my knee is not happy with me at the moment.  Most likely because after my last knee surgery a few years ago, my doctor told me that I had no cartiledge left!  So, the jarring of bone on bone for 45 minutes is catching up with me.  It's a catch-22 that I need to lose so much weight but the fact that I am carrying all of that extra weight is the reason my knee hurts in the first place.  The positive thing about having a knee sans cartiledge is that it no longer locks up on me!  Yes, despite hating my fat ass, I still remain the eternal optimist.  lol.  So, I will continue to monitor the pain and adjust my workouts accordingly.  Don't want to be forced to stop working out at this point.  Mentally, I am doing fantastic.  Aerobically, I am doing great.  But, physically, the old joints are still adjusting.  They have asked me to get rid of some more pounds soon or they plan a mutiny. 

Only went about 2.9 miles before the treadmill completely stopped in mid-walk!  This is the second time this has happened to me on two different treadmills in the last week.  I am starting to get a complex!  But, I know I have seen bigger people on them and have seen others going way faster.  So, for now, I will hope it is just bad luck.  The good news is that I haven't fallen.  But, it is not the best feeling lunging forward.  And, it was made worse because I had just raised my speed to finish out the last couple of minutes. 

Despite being tired, I kept a decent pace though slightly slower than the last few nights.  But, at the 30 minute mark I looked in the reflection of the window to see AJ Walton in the room downstairs working his butt off!  I have always been impressed by young kids that have the willpower and determination to work that hard by themselves.  AJ is probably 17-18 and he was running himself through various drills at maximum speed.  It looked like he was getting ready for football.  I don't even know if he plays.  Regardless, I was impressed by the effort.  It reminded me of a Centennial soccer player from many years ago.  I don't remember her name anymore.  But, I remember practicing with my girls' soccer team in the summers and seeing her out on the pitch putting herself through the paces.  Not just dribbling the ball or taking shots on goal.  Not the kind of casual workout one does when they want to say they worked out but don't really want to hurt.  But, working herself out like she had an Olympic coach in her ear driving her.  Talk about motivation!  After that, I upped the speed and cranked out the last 15 minutes of my workout.  Thanks AJ!  Here's to finding motivation in unusual places...

289.0

Screw .6 pounds per day!  I like 2 pounds per day and, as Tony Wright would say, "I like it fine"!  Broke the 290 barrier and don't plan on going back there ever again.  That's 24 pounds since January, 13.6 pounds since the start of this blog, and 8.6 pounds in the week since I have returned from Sin City.  I don't need a weight gain to get me more motivated, I think the 2 pound weight loss will make me more fired up for today!

The Hazards of Weighing Daily

While I have not run in to it yet, I know the day is coming when I do everything right and step on that scale one morning to find that I have gained some weight.  Most websites, magazines, diets, and pundits all recommend that you weigh weekly.  This is mostly so that you do not find yourself in a state of depression or give up on those days where your body is acting just plain funky.  Usually, over a week's time these ebbs and flows will even out and you will get a decent reading of your success or failure.  I agree with this philosophy for the most part.  There is a great satisfaction in stepping on a scale after a week and putting up the kind of big numbers that Biggest Loser contestants would be proud of.  In addition, decent results on a daily basis just don't seem quite as impressive.  I lost .6 pounds for the second day in a row.  Looked at on it's own, .6 pounds just doesn't jump off the scale. I have been happy each of these mornings, but nowhere close to elated. But, seven days of that is 4.2 pounds.  And, while my greedy mind would like double that each week, I would be more than happy to lose that much each day.  It's 140 days from now until my birthday on August 16 (yes, you have 140 shopping days).  At a pace of .6 per day I would lose 84 pounds in that timeframe.  Eighty-four pounds!  That has a lot more meaning than .6. 

But, I find there are some advantages to weighing daily as well.  Without it, I can easily see bad meals becoming bad days and bad days becoming a couple of bad days and a couple of bad days becoming a bad week!  I think it's easy to lose sight of your goal and to lose focus without that daily reminder.  I want to know each day.  Because if I am flat or gain weight, I am sure to work extra hard and eat even better the next day.  It serves as my morning reminder that, at the moment, this is the most important thing I have going on.  And, again, knowing that I am going to post that weight for the two people who read this blog to see each morning is motivating.  I don't want to post a bad number and I don't want to have to lie.  lol. 

I have set some goals for myself if you would like to follow along at home.  April is going to be a .7-per-day kind of month so I am hoping to lose 21 pounds.  That would take me down to 270 by May 1.  May feels like a .5-per-day kind of month... so subtract another 15 pounds.  June 1 goal, 255 pounds.  After that, I think 10 pounds per months seems reasonable... though it is over the 2 pound limit given to me by myfitnesspal.com (and please don't tell my pal about the 21 pounds I plan to lose in April).  So, July 1's goal is 245 pounds.  August 1 is 235.  And, my birthday goal is 230 pounds!  That's 61 pounds over the next 140 days. Here's to losing .435714 pounds per day... 

291.0!

It looks like I have settled in to a .6-pounds-per-day groove.  I will take it...

Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Weight Loss Tools

A Day of Rest

Let me first reiterate... 291.6!  This was especially good news after waking up and feeling heavier this morning.  Not sure why.  I ate well yesterday.  Worked out.  But, I just felt heavier.  I was thrilled to see that I had lost more weight.

Well, today was a day of rest.  I worked out pretty hard this weekend and my knees and shins were starting to hurt a little bit.  I also spent half the day yesterday underneath our kitchen sink installing a new garbage disposal.  Mondays are always a struggle for me.  Lori and I have always been late-night people and our bedtime is typically midnight to 1:00 AM during the week and even later on the weekends.  I always have a hard time going to bed early on Sunday night and we have a Planning Team meeting every Monday morning that forces me to get up earlier than I would like.  So, I am typically a little tired on Monday nights and it is easily my least active night of the week.  After a busy weekend, tonight was no exception.  So, I decided to take it easy.

Okay, okay.  Before all of you start shaking your head and saying "shame on you Anthony", let me explain.  I do not plan on taking any nights off unless there are circumstances beyond my control.  My day of rest meant that I was going to go to the club and only go about 30 minutes on the treadmill.  My son asked me if we were going and if I had to make myself go each night.  Well, I haven't had to save for one other night, but I did today.  But, it wasn't a hard decision.  Last year, two years ago, five years ago, or any other time I have tried to lose weight in the past it would have been and I would have likely stayed home.  But, not this time.  This time is different.  Because I don't think I have too many more "this times" left.  I am running out of time to make that change.  So, I never even considered the possibility of actually staying home. 

So, I made it to the club with 30 minutes in mind.  I knew I wanted to walk at a slower pace to rest my knees, shins, and joints.  I settled in at 4 miles per hour and got in a groove.  About halfway through I realized that my shins and knees felt good.  Maybe it was because I wasn't pushing as hard.  But, I wasn't feeling the pain I expected.  So, as 30 minutes approached I realized that I easily had 40 minutes in me.  By the time I hit 40 I figured I was one more song away from doing 45.  I forwarded to a more upbeat song, Melissa Etheridge's "Giant" and upped my mph to 4.6.  I felt good as Melissa belted out "I am a giant!" and sang along heartily (a topic for another night's blog post).  I don't think I was really ready to stop at 45 minutes.  3.10 miles and 671 calories later I was finished and I felt great... once again.  I'll rest when I die and I would like to put that particular rest off as long as I can...

291.6... and belt loop #4!!

 More to come later.  But, these updates are always a lot easier to post!

292.2!

Another day, another 1.2 pounds!  After taking my wife for our belated Valentine's Day dinner at Giacomo's last night, I was worried about the morning weigh-in.  But, I was proud of myself when I left Giacomo's.  I had the soup and salad, no bread, and then ate less than half of my meal.  I could have easily finished the rest and normally would have.  And, it was really good. But, I was already full.  Not the usual full where I barely feel like I can breathe when I walk out of the restaurant.  But a comfortable, satisfied feeling.  And I still had over half of my meal left for today's lunch...  plus a little bit since I didn't eat it all today either.  Now, those of you who don't have eating issues are probably not that impressed.  But, I have to tell you that these are huge victories for me and my psyche!  In six months, I want to be making the same decision without even thinking about it.  I want it to be a normal thing, not an exception.  Baby steps, baby steps.

My body was a little tired at the club this morning.  But, I still managed to walk 3.00 miles and burn 631 calories.  I have also been doing an additional 20 minutes afterwards on various leg and arm machines.  And, you know that fist pump that Tiger Woods does after sinking a huge putt to clinch a major?  Well, that was the same fist pump I did this morning when I saw my new weight.  Under 290 is in sight and that may earn another fist pump.  I am sleeping better and snoring less already.  It would be silly to assume I have already been successful and do little to keep me motivated.  I know better.  But, it is amazing how quickly small changes to your lifestyle can have positive effects.  Here's to walking away from meals and still feeling good...

293.4... Vegas is now a distant memory!

One of the more difficult things to say no to is not always the temptation of those foods you love the most.  Sometimes, it is the people you love the most.  It's planning on eating good, packing a good lunch, and then having your best friend at work ask you if you want a slopper from the 'Set.  Going to lunch only because you don't want to let your friend down.  It's not only passing up on going to my favorite Mexican restaurant, Mi Ranchito's, but telling my wife and my daughter last night that they can go without me and then eventually saying I would go and just eat good.  Well, they knew I didn't want to go and they even knew none of us should go.  But, I still felt bad.  Still felt like I had let my two favorite girls down.  Saying no to the two of them was way harder then saying no to the two pork and avocado burritos that I love. But, I have no willpower when it comes to my favorites and preferred not even stepping in the door.  Not sure what to call this aspect of the battle... maybe it should be called "social eating".  This morning, I think my wife was happy that I said I couldn't go.  But, it sure didn't seem like that last night after day three of hearing about how the two of them were in the mood for Mi Ranchito's!

Walked on the treadmill for 3.15 miles last night and another 3.08 this morning.  My weight, at 293.4, is the lowest in months and the best number since I started this blog.  Las Vegas is truly a distant memory and I have moved past my angst over my decision to eat at the buffet.  Here's to family and friends forgiving me when I say no...

My Apologies

Not that I deserve any followers or readers of this blog after my recent trip and subsequent falling off the fit wagon.  But, I have to apologize to those who were anxiously awaiting installments over the weekend and let me hear about it yesterday and today.  I left my laptop at home... the first time I have not had a laptop on a vacation in many many years.  I still thought I might blog using my iPhone and thought about it while the three young bucks took their beauty nap on Sunday night.  But, alas, the keyboard is just too difficult for me for any lengthy kind of response.  It was good to know people are reading and care... or even reading and not caring.  Either way, it serves the desired purpose of letting me know that when I screw up I will be telling a group of people about it soon after! 

Forgot some of the statistics from last night.  Again, I went 45 minutes on the treadmill and walked 2.89 miles and burned 595 calories.  Tonight I reached my goal from last Thursday and got 3.06 miles in 45 minutes while burning 657 calories!  The speeds that were my fastest the first couple of nights now are my resting speeds.  I also got a 30 minute walk in despite my crappy work shoes... thanks Mindy for your prodding!  Still excited every night to get to the club.  I know a lot of people who hate to exercise but force themselves in to the gym.  The one thing I have going for me is that I have always loved exercise and do really well staying motivated once I get in a groove.  This groove took less time than usual for me and I thank this blog for that.  Here's to craving good foods as much as I crave exercise...

The Best Laid Plans... (or how I failed my test)

Yes, as Robert Burns wrote, "The best-laid schemes o' mice an' men gang aft a-gley [often go astray]".  A tip for those of you going through this same struggle, do not plan a trip to Las Vegas the week after you start!  My Friday started with a late night packing and less than five hours of sleep.  When the alarm sounded at 6 AM for my personal "last-chance workout" before I went on vacation, I couldn't turn it off fast enough.  While I have craved my nightly club visits, those who know me can attest to the fact that I am no morning person... especially after limited sleep.  First question on my test and I had already missed one (90%)!  The morning walks in LV sounded like a great idea... until I walked what seemed like 15 miles the first night just getting around the strip.  All of us were so tired from walking the first night that I could hardly imagine walking the four corners.  When we finally woke up not much before noon on Saturday, both the desire to walk and any chance of doing it without a crowd had passed.  Two questions... two misses (80%).  I planned to eat as well as I could.  For three days, I did as well as one can do in Vegas save for an ice cream cone and maybe a few too many Chicken McNuggets.  I would like to take half credit for this part of the test.  But, alas, my biggest failure came when we decided to eat at the Carnival Buffet at The Rio on Monday afternoon.  A buffet... and a third miss (70%). 

I enjoyed the buffet.  Like I always do when I am consuming large amounts of good food.  And, let me add that the Carnival Buffet is one of the best I have ever seen.  I don't think I touched even 10% of the items and still left the table way too full and way too ill.  I liken a buffet to that high school or college girlfriend that was wild and crazy.  The girl you knew you shouldn't date, but you couldn't help yourself because she was so damn fun.  But, the next day that voice would tell you that you were making a mistake and needed to stay as far away as possible.  Well, that voice started whispering in my ear before I even left the table... okay, let's be honest, before I even finished my last plate of food.  It got louder as I stood up and started walking and continued to grow in volume the rest of the day.  I called my wife immediately... I think to make a confession...  and tell her to never let me go to a buffet again!  I can only say that I think it will be my last.  Though I have no reason to believe that anyone reading this will or should believe me.  Of course, that assumes you are still reading this.  I can only ask that you forgive me and stay with me.  That buffet still feels like it is with me two and a half days later.  And, it helped me gain 2.3 pounds back again.  I believe without it, that I would have came back at the same weight or slightly lower.  So, again, the buffet negated any points for all the good eating on the other days.

My final test, limit my alcohol consumption.  I wasn't planning on going cold turkey... it was my son's 21st birthday celebration after all.  But, I think I did fairly well in the moderation department regarding my beer intake.  The big pitchers of beer at Bill's were perfect and got each night kick-started.  But, my consumption after that was limited.  I will give myself 4 out of 10 points which drops me to a 64%.  A failing grade. 

The final straw that broke the proverbial camel's back?  I packed three mandarin oranges in my suitcase to have at the hotel and while traveling.  Even worried about whether they could be taken on the plane.  Well, it turns out that they could not only be taken on the plane, but they are allowed on the return trip as well!  So, as I unpacked my three mandarin oranges that I completely forgot about, I thought "isn't that ironic".  Of course, I wasn't sure if it was truly ironic until I checked the lyrics to "Ironic" by Alanis Morrissette.  Here is the lyric...

It's like rain on your wedding day,
It's a free ride when you've already paid,
It's the three oranges that you just didn't eat,
When who would've thought it figures.

So, there you have it.  If Alanis says it's ironic, then it is truly ironic.  Despite the fact that her examples are, ironically, not ironic!  Sorry for the tangent.  Just a little family joke between my brother and I, you can find more about it here... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ironic_(song).

The oranges?  At least 3% more taken off of my score.  So, a 61% for my trip.  But, I was back in the club tonight and eating well today.  My only accomplishment in Vegas was forgetting Vegas. And, while I don't want to downplay my mistakes, I don't want to dwell on them either.  I guess this is one good example of What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas!  No need to be discouraged or give up.  Just learn and strive to do better next time.

By the way, we ate several times at our Vegas favorite, The Earl of Sandwich.  Jarred can have Subway.  When I get fit, I am bucking to be The Earl of Sandwich spokesman... or the actual Earl of Sandwich!  That is one (actually several) great sandwich(es) at an incredible bargain right in the middle of Planet Holywood!  By the way, we had a blast!  Here's to losing more than just my money on the next trip to Vegas...

A Test of My Fortitude

Well, after a decent Week One, Week Two begins with a an all-guys trip to Las Vegas to celebrate my son's 21st birthday.  One more chance to go to the club early tomorrow morning.  While in Vegas, my intent is to do a morning ritual around the steps and bridges from Bally's to The Flamingo to Caesar's Palace to Bellagio.  My other intent is to skip the buffets this time and limit the alcohol intake.  The good news is that I am usually pretty crazy on my own in Vegas and need little imbibing to have a great time!  I will let the kids be kids and remember my new favorite word... MODERATION.  I feel up for the challenge and plan to come back lighter than I am when I leave. 

Light night tonight at the club.  Up late last night and tired.  Tonight was the first night where I wasn't chomping at the bit to get to the club.  But, I forced myself to go 40 minutes, burning 460 calories and walking 2.33 miles.  At lunch, I got a 30 minute walk in at the Riverwalk with Lori today as well.  I have a feeling that the alarm will go off way too early... but, I am getting up anyway.  Off to pack.  I will try to write from LV...

294.0!!!!

It's been one week since my first weigh-in following the start of this blog.  I am down 8.6 pounds!  More importantly, I feel great and I am sleeping like a baby.  Two mistakes away from a 10 pound week...  don't forget, don't forget, don't forget.  See you tonight...

Pizza = Two Days : (

When I weighed myself this morning I found that I had gained a half pound back.  Not a surprise after my lunch yesterday.  My first thought was that eating pizza is equal to about a half pound.  But, it's more than that.  I was the same weight two days ago.  So, eating pizza cost me two days of hard work and sweat and a day and a half of eating right!  That is a better equation.  Because that equation pisses me off!  So, no more pizza lunches.  As much as I love pizza, I thought I might even reward myself with a slice after every 20 pounds lost.  But, that's not the answer either.  I need to stop thinking of these things as prizes or sacrifices and realize these foods do nothing to prolong my life.  At the moment, I can't afford to lose two days again.

Today, a couple of ladies from my office were kind enough to cook a lunch of corned beef and cabbage.  It looked good... though the smell of cooked cabbage in the office is not the most pleasant aroma.  And, I know it isn't the worst meal for me... not even close to the pizza lunch.  But, I decided to go with the meal I brought.  It was more about just saying no.  Because next week, the lunch choice may be something worse than corned beef and cabbage and I want to get used to saying no, packing my lunches, and actually eating what I packed!  And my choices weren't just limited to the CB&C.  One of our Category Managers reminded me that a vendor left a bunch of burritos and paninis.  These are the same burritos and paninis that helped get me to where I am today.  No on those too.  And no to that evil soda fountain machine that sits in that lunchroom with a humming noise that I think is trying to remind me that it's free. 

So, a great day eating and a 25 minute walk this afternoon.  Not sure why I am walking during the day when I know I will be hitting the club in the evening.  Not because I think it will pay huge dividends... it's probably not even the smartest thing to be doing.  But, because I want to get out in the sun and get away from the office.  I went about 45 minutes again tonight while burning 595 calories and walking 2.87 miles.  I promise I will get to 3 miles by the end of the month.  My body is a little tired.  But, it's a good tired.  And, I am anxious each evening to get to the club.  All good signs.  Here's to saying no to free meals...

Curse Manhattan's!

One thing I know about myself is that I love pizza.  Always have and likely always will.  I also know that even when I am dieting, I have a weak spot for pizza.  So much so that even if I had already eaten dinner I would rarely pass up a piece from Ianne's when my Mom would stop by the house with a pie.  So, like buffets, it is easier for me to just not partake then ever try to limit myself.  So, today at work, we had a training class over lunch that included food.  When I heard it was Manhattan's pizza I was torn.  I think had it been Little Caesar's, Domino's, or Pizza Hut I would have stayed strong.  But, I love Manhattan's.  And, I really love Manhattan's pepperoni with green chiles!  So, I ignored the vegetables that were so good to me the day before and broke down.  I at one and a half pieces... oh, and a couple of chicken wings... oh, and I had to have Pepsi because Pepsi just goes with pizza!  Now one and a half pieces is probably half of what I normally eat.  But, one and a half pieces of Manhattan's is probably close to three pieces anywhere else... though it was thin crust mind you.  I felt crappy almost immediately.  Not just mentally either.  I actually felt crappy physically.  Tired.  Hot.  Almost sick.  I walked soon after for 25 minutes and it helped me feel a little better.  But, I realized today that, at least for the moment, I no longer like Manhattan's pizza.  I actually missed the veggies.  So, Jim, next time we have a training class, go ahead and order Manhattan's again.  Just don't forget the salad.

Ate much better tonight.  Just got back from the club.  Feeling better every day.  2.73 miles and 548 calories!  Feel good enough that I have almost forgotten the trip to Manhattan's.  Just trying to permanently hang on to the memory of that feeling afterwards.  Until tomorrow...

294.4

Nothing more to say this morning...

The Belt Never Lies (oh... and I am 295.0 for those who don't want to read further)

Back on track this morning at 295.0. Great day eating and good workout... 45 minutes, 2.65 miles. The 3 mile mark is in site!  Also got in a little work with my arms on the machines.

No matter what I tell myself about my progress, whether it's eating right and not cheating or the amount of exercise I am doing, the one thing that never lies is my belt.  Not sure how long I have had this particular belt.  I just know it was bought in the last ten years and was my fat belt.  My other belts no longer fit me.  This was the biggest belt I found and I am not sure how close I was to the last hole at the time of purchase.  All I do know is that the belt had five holes originally.  At my maximum, I was at that last hole... and probably pushing it to the point of it being time to look for a new belt.  As I shed the pounds, I watched as I moved to the next hole and then the next.  Eventually, at around 265-270, I had to make a new hole (hole number six!) because the belt was too big.  Of course, I could have probably looked through my old belts and might have found one that would have worked.  But, I liked carving a new hole in to this old belt.  It was like those big thermometer-looking things that people use for fundraisers.  It was a visual representation.  A barometer of my success.  So, during my relapse, I found myself back at the dreaded last hole.  : (  Today, I am on hole number three comfortably and a good deep breath away from hole number four.  That hole will come in the next week and then I will work on the last pre-existing hole over the next couple of weeks.  My goal is to find hole number six by the end of March.  By the end of April, I hope to be out in the garage carving a couple of new holes.  Here's to carving new holes...

The Fat Penguin

One of the things that has irritated me the most about my weight gain over the years is how it limits my clothing choices.  Both from the availability standpoint (see the previous Kohl's story) to the fact that a lot of clothing just doesn't look as nice on me anymore.  I love clothes.  I even love dressing nice.  But now, dressing up seems to only remind me of how fat I feel and does not make me feel any better.  Case in point, my company held their Annual Awards Banquet a little over a week ago.  As part of this, the company paid to have us outfitted in tuxedoes.  In my youth, I would have been thrilled to wear a tuxedo!  Of course, my color choice might have been different from the black conservative tux we were wearing.  lol.  As always, putting on the tux made me feel worse than not wearing the tux.  As I told my wife, I looked like a fat penguin!  She, of course, disagreed and told me how nice I looked... as did most of my friends and co-workers that night.  But, I don't believe them.  Not that I think that they were lying to me.  But, I just know I don't look good.  Maybe nicer than I look during the day, but not good.  And, I appreciate the compliments, despite my doubt.  But, I realize they are similar to the "good game" compliments I would give my son after a basketball loss.  I meant it, but I knew he didn't believe it.  And, I knew it fell on deaf ears.  So, as proof of my claim, here is the pic...

Now you can't deny the resemblance!  Okay, okay, maybe this is not fair to the Emperor Penguin.  He actually looks a little slimmer than me to be honest with you and he seems to be getting frisky with my wife, Lori.  So, the real picture is below.  When we received this picture in the mail, I think a little bit of puke came up in the back of my throat.  I was disgusted and this incident was another reason for the blog you are reading.  I don't see the tux, I only see that neck, that face and that big fat penguin!

Well, today was the first day that my body and mind did not agree.  Of course, my body is correct when it tells me that I don't have to make up for 10 years of neglect in a week's time!  My body wanted to take the day off but my mind sat through two youth basketball games anxiously awaiting getting to the club.  When I got there and started on the treadmill, the body continued it's fight and said I will give you about 20 minutes but you are going to pay for it.  My thought was if I could get even 20 minutes in it would be better than nothing.  At the 20 minute mark I thought it simply wasn't long enough and I had to do 30.  Well, 41 minutes later I got off the treadmill...  a little more tired than yesterday, but still glad I stayed on the extra time.  Lower numbers... 2.33 miles and 445 calories.  But, still a positive day. 

My weight?  Well, it creeped up ever so slightly from yesterday.  Yeah, I learned that even half of a Sesame Chicken meal is not the best choice (even worse of a choice when I looked at the leftovers today and realized that my half was closer to 60-65%!).  Never lie to yourself, it doesn't pay.  But, I ate good today and I just finished cooking up some carrots, broccoli, and cauliflower for the week. 

Now the soreness in my connecting tissue in my shoulders is starting to yell at me as well.  But, I am ignoring it.  I think it's telling me "good job", it just doesn't want to have to tell me again!  Until tomorrow...

Tired... but it's a good tired

Another good day.  Went to the club first thing in the morning.  43 minutes on the treadmill.  Upped the distance from 2.03 miles to 2.50.  Upped the calories burned from 403 to 499!  Felt good, especially after walking late last night.  Then hit the machines to do some work on my arms.  Was planning to stick to aerobic stuff for the first couple of weeks.  But, I was just too pumped up... no pun intended.  Eating well.  Not the best choice of Sesame Chicken for dinner tonight, but I ate only half of the order... which is a nice step for me.

I wanted to thank all of you for your support.  I have received a lot of really touching, moving, and emotional messages via office visits, FaceBook comments, FaceBook messages, blog comments, and phone calls.  All of you are making this that much easier and giving me that much more motivation!  I really can't express how much it means to me.  See you tomorrow...

295.4!

And, this time, I get to take full credit for the 1.6 pounds.  Full nude weigh-ins both days... lol (sorry for the imagery, especially so early in the morning).  That's all for this morning, more to come later...

They say that it takes 21 days to form a habit

I have also heard people say even longer.  But, after tonight, I have decided that some times it only takes two days.  Went with Lori and Kelsea to see an old friend, Joel Thompson,  sing and play guitar at a place called Clean Jeans and Coffee Beans (yes, it's a combination coffee house and laundromat).  As much as I have enjoyed listening to Joel and his various other bands play in the past, I have always preferred just hearing him sing and play guitar solo.  Joel would be embarassed and likely disagree, but I think he has a very Dan Fogleberg-esque quality to his voice.  So, I sat there, enjoying the music while glancing at the clock every so often.  Glancing at the clock because I figured he would play until around 9:00 and I would still have time to go to the club before it closed at 10:00.  Well, as he was wrapping up I made a comment about leaving so I could go and was politely reminded by my wife that the club closes at 9:00 on Fridays!  Of course, I should know that... but maybe that illustrates the lack of Fridays that I have spent in the gym.  I was crushed.  Now, having said this, I did walk 30 minutes at lunch.  But, I was still crushed and craved just a little more exercise.  I couldn't believe my disappointment in knowing I was going to miss a day.  I still came home and made due.  We braved the cold and took a 40 minute walk and I felt great.  But, I will argue with anyone that sometimes habits only take two days and I will never forget the closing time of the Pueblo Athletic Club on Fridays ever again!  Here's to great friends and great music!  Have a great night...

297.0!

Okay, my intent wasn't to post more than once per day, if even that.  But, I had to do a quick drive-by posting for this update.  For all of you wondering what the key to early weight-loss success is, I have found it!  Make sure that on the first day you weigh yourself with a couple of credit cards, your ID, $3, your phone and some heavy shoes... chain maille or armor if you've got it!  So, I won't take credit for the full 5.6 pounds lost since yesterday, but you have to give me at least 3 of those!  Great start... many more days to go on the journey...

302.6

Well, there it is.  It is difficult to even type those numbers on this blog.  But, I am committed to putting all of my pain and all of my successes on the table.  That number is both good and bad.  Good because I weighed myself as I was leaving this morning for work, fully clothed and outfitted with all of my crap... and I am sure that my phone and money weigh at least five pounds, it's a big stack and a big phone!  Good because as depressing as that number sounds, it is still about 10 pounds less than I was a month ago!  Bad because two weeks ago I was 297.2 and swore that I would not weigh more than 300 ever again in my life.  Bad because I never thought when I was battling diverticulitis three years ago and had colon surgery that I would ever go through this again!   I weighed 260 at the time and when I left the hospital I was determined to keep losing.

Okay, okay.  I am not painting a pretty picture of my willpower.  It would appear that my best moments over the last 10 years involved contests and wagering!  But, I don't want to win any money this time.  As my brother told me today, there comes a moment when you just say I am doing this.  Not I hope to do this.  And, that is where I am at.

My low point?  Or, high point as it may be.  318 pounds.  At least that was the highest weight I ever saw on a scale.  That was in the Spring of 2006.  I started our version of the Biggest Loser at work, finished second, and lost a little more than 20 pounds.  I continued to do well through the summer and even lost a few pounds on our vacation to Las Vegas and Los Angeles.  I was about 275 when I started having stomach issues.  I won't go in to those issues here, but I ended up hovering between 265-270 over the next 9 months.  I went in to my colon surgery feeling as good as I had felt in years.  Recovered extremely quickly.  Walked around the hospital like a maniac.  I left the hospital at around 260 and was ready to get on with my life.

Not sure why I am providing that history.  Maybe it serves as a reminder to not have any lulls.  To not have any weeks where I fall off this path because it is difficult to find again. 

So, some details...  I walked on the treadmill for a minute longer than last night... 36 instead of 35.  I was worried that I may have pushed too much last night but I felt really good.  I burned 80 more calories and walked .32 of a mile farther.  I shot hoops again for about 15 minutes and had far more energy than last night.  And, I added a new goal to this journey.  While I have little cartiledge left in my right knee, that is only a minor reason for me hanging up my sneakers.  The bigger reason is that I couldn't get up and down the court for fear of having a heart attack.  And, while I may never join a men's league again, I vowed tonight that I will play a game of basketball, full court, again! 

I wanted to thank those who have commented to me via Facebook, this blog, or in person. I really do appreciate the support.  And, not that I am greedy... but I am hoping to be under 300 again in the morning.  Will let you know tomorrow night...

Does anybody really want to read this?

First off, let me say that I don't expect anybody to read this on a daily basis... if at all.  I am not trying to have my 15 minutes of cyberspace fame.  As a matter of fact, the very nature of talking about myself goes against my true nature... though some may dispute this.  I don't get on Facebook and tell the world what I did today because I don't think most of my friends (and on Facebook, the term "friends" is used loosely!) really care. 

So, why did I create this blog?  Well, I don't like myself anymore.  Most days, I don't show it in public.  Those closest to me know how I feel.  I wake up every day and look in the mirror and think "Who Is That Guy?".  I look at pictures and it's more than not liking how I look... it almost makes me ill. In my head, I am still the 170 pound athlete that I was in high school.  I am still that kid that used to play hoops for hours on end.  Yet, every person I have met in recent years, pretty much every person I know in Pueblo, knows me as a fat person.  Yeah, there are some of you who knew me when I first moved here, was still playing hoops at the YMCA, and was only slightly overweight.  But, most of the people in my life don't know that person.  I am writing this because I hope it will make me more accountable.  Maybe knowing that some people may read this and support me when I am doing well and be disappointed in me when I am not will help.  I am hoping this will be somewhat therapeutic.  I am hoping that seeing this on my big screen monitor and writing daily will remind me of what I need to do.  I hope that by telling stories I hate to even recall, that it will serve as a constant reminder to make the right decisions.

Though I have made some small strides over the last month or so, something changed tonight.  I went to Kohl's with my son so he could buy some clothes for the trip we are taking next week to Las Vegas to celebrate his 21st.  So, the first slap to the face, and this happens every time we go to Kohl's, is the fact that Kohl's does not sell anything bigger than an XXL.  So, like I always do, I looked at all of the stuff that I wouldn't mind wearing while being disappointed that none of these clothes would fit my XXXL body.  Yeah, I still look at each rack thinking that maybe one of the shipments accidentally had a 3X in it... but that has yet to happen. 

Then Slap #2, I start thinking about our trip to Vegas and the fact that I wanted to lose a few more pounds so that I wasn't the BFG!  The Big Fat Guy sitting next to you on the airplane!  Not because I am uncomfortable sitting in these tight quarters.  But, because I am uncomfortable knowing I am making my seatmates lives miserable as well! 

Slap #3.  I thought of my last trip to Las Vegas with my wife, kids, and their friends.  And, (my first ugly story, read with caution) I remembered looking forward to riding the three rides at the Stratosphere.  Purchasing an all-you-can-ride pass for the three thrill rides.  I remembered that moment when I sat down on the ride that shoots you straight up only to find that the strap wouldn't fit on my waist.  This was followed by the young girl who worked there informing me that the straps were even smaller on the other two rides.  So, I waited while they got a manager who could write up a refund.  I sat there staring out over Las Vegas on the verge of tears.  Irritated that I couldn't ride (yeah, I love rides).  Embarassed for having to get off the ride.  Embarassed in front of my kids and their friends.  Saddened that my wife got a refund as well rather than ride the rides without me.

To top  it off, or Slap #4, my son is a fitness nut.  I look at him and think "how does that not motivate me to be healthier?".  He rarely eats poorly.  He works out once or twice a day.  And, there he is trying on all of the clothes that I wish I could wear!  He doesn't give me shit, but he should.  I know it bothers him and has for years.  Not that he is disappointed in me.  Just that he wants me to be healthy and happy.  I know that he was miserable when he was a senior and he walked off the court at halftime of a basketball game and heard the Pueblo County kids making fun of his fat father (by the way, I was an assistant coach at the time, the Pueblo County kids don't just make fun of anybody's parents - lol).  Not for himself.  But he felt bad for me.  Never said anything to me, but he told my wife.  That crushed me and for a couple of years I used it as motivation.

So, I came home tonight and said enough is enough.  Time to stop talking about it with everyone (lol - he says as he blogs to anyone who will listen).  Time to get busy before it is too late.  I still almost talked myself out of going to the club.  I don't feel great... on the verge of a cold.  I have been tired and work has been crazy.  But, I went anyway.  I walked on the treadmill for 35 minutes.  I shot hoops for the first time in ages for about 15 more minutes.  And, I felt great leaving the PAC.  And, as I left the club, a beautiful heavy snow was falling and it felt like one of those surreal moments.  I said, out loud to myself (no comments about my sanity), "This is the start of a new me".  Yeah, I know, this isn't the first time I have thought this.  But, hopefully, it will be the last. 

So, this is Day 1.  I plan on sharing intimate details about my struggles, about my weight, about what I eat.  I am somewhere around 300 pounds, though most would not guess it.  I have 8 days until I leave for Las Vegas and I would love to lose 10-15 before we leave.  If you read this, thanks for coming along for the ride.  If not, lucky you.  See you next time...