Wednesday, December 22, 2010

A Subtle Reminder

I didn't weigh myself today because we were in Denver at a hotel this morning.  My daughter had surgery in Denver today.  I always say that I hate hospitals.  Then I laugh at how ridiculous this must sound when I realize that there probably aren't too many people who feel otherwise.  But, with my stomach issues a few years ago and the hell that Kelsea has gone through this last year, I really hate hospitals.  I can't stand walking through the front doors.  I start feeling a level of anxiety that is far more intense than I ever felt five years ago.  And, that anxiety is actually even worse when it involves your children.

I was reminded today that Kelsea's two hospital stays around this time last year were a small part of my motivation.  I never talked about that the night I started this blog.  I actually forgot about it at the time.  But, I realized the 10 pounds I lost from January through March, before I started writing, were partly due to having my daughter in the hospital for almost a month.  Every time I stepped in to the hospital, every time I saw people I didn't know struggling with their health, every day I drove back to Pueblo and left my wife and little girl behind in Denver, it was a subtle reminder of why I needed to change my life.  I knew if I didn't change something that I was going to be spending many more nights in front of an army of doctors and nurses.

Everything went great with Kelsea today.  She went in around 9:15 and we were on our way home around 3:00.  That's the way I like it.  I couldn't wait to get out of there.  Every moment I sit in that waiting room is filled with anxiety.  I can hardly watch my little girl get an I.V. line put in her arm.  Everything done to her dredges up another horrible memory from three years ago and reminds me of how scared I was.  Today, I was scared for her.  Today, I am far less scared for me than I was a year ago. 

Time to get busy again.  Time to be stronger than every holiday temptation set before me.  I never want to step foot in the hospital again... at least not any time soon!  Here's to putting together a streak of days together, similar to my exercise streak, where I never see the inside of a hospital... for me or for a loved one... a subtle reminder...

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