End Of The Year Weight... 205.6

I absolutely love being able to have a bad day, even two or three, and then being able to react to it by losing five pounds over the next four days!  I end the year over 107 pounds lighter than I started last year!

208.0

Considering I went to P.F. Chang's after my health screening, I will take it. 

This Is The Reason

I will admit that there is a certain amount of vanity that comes with losing weight.  I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy the compliments.  I love people telling me they don't recognize me.  I love having people tell me I look nice when I get dressed.  I love every thing that contributes to me getting a big head.  I never get tired of hearing it.  But, that was never the real reason I started this quest.  Looking good was a distant second to my health.  The single biggest reason that I wanted to lose weight is because I felt like I was slowly dying.  I felt lethargic even when I had a good night's sleep.  I felt stressed and anxious even when my work didn't warrant it.  I breathed heavily just from climbing a flight of stairs.  In fact, I breathed heavily at times just from bending over to tie my shoes.  I stopped breathing in the night while I was sleeping.  When I ate too much salt, my chest itched so badly I could hardly stop scratching it. 

A few years ago, shortly before my stomach issues, I went in for a physical and was told that my scores were borderline diabetic.  Today, I went in for the health screenings that I was unable to take a couple of weeks ago because I kept forgetting that little requirement regarding fasting.  I didn't forget this time.  I couldn't wait to see the results.  And despite knowing that I was much healthier than a year ago, I still had a little anxiety going in to the tests.  The results?  Well, I will summarize it in a simple equation below...

2,563 = 1,093.475

Right now you are thinking this must be some of that newfangled "fuzzy" math these lil' whippersnappers are learning these days.  Let's break the equation down in to it's components...

295 + 295 +383 + 1,500 + 60 + 30 = 152 + 81 + 54 + 90 + 78 + (118 / 80) +29 + 110 + 48 + 450

Still confused?  Well, let me explain further...

The left side of the equation are all of the numbers that got me to today.

295:  The number of days straight that I have exercised.  Only five days away from 300!

295:  Not coincidentally, the number of days since I began this blog.

383:  The number of posts I have made on this blog previous to this one.

1,500:  The upper limit of my calorie goal... which is between 1,200 - 1,500 per day.

60:  The minimum amount of minutes that I try to exercise on a daily basis.  Usually, I spend at least that much time on the treadmill almost every day.

30:  The number of minutes I try to workout in the morning... on those mornings where I don't turn over and go back to sleep.  Specifically, the number of minutes I swam every day during the week over the summer.

The numbers on the right are the results of the numbers on the left and all of the hard work over the last nine plus months.

152:  My total cholesterol.

81:  My LDL cholesterol.  The Kroger goal is <= 160.  The NIH healthy level is <= 100. 

54:  My HDL cholesterol.

90:  My tryglicerides.

78:  My blood glucose level.  The Kroger goal is <= 125.  The NIH healthy level is <= 100.

118/80:  My blood pressure.  The Kroger goal is <= 140/90.  The NIH healthy level is <= 120/80.

29:  My body mass index.  The Kroger goal is <=29.  The NIH healthy level is <= 25.  You all know how I feel about the BMI.  Still hard to believe that after losing 110 pounds that I could still be a few pounds away from being "obese".  If I ever find the inventor of the BMI, I plan on kicking his skinny little ass!

110:  Total pounds lost.  Okay, maybe not as of today.  But, I will be back there in a week... promise.

48:  My current resting pulse.  When I graduated from high school my resting heart rate was always around 58.  A couple of years ago, it was hovering around 90.  Hard to believe it is now even lower than when I was a teenager.

450:  The amount of money that I have earned from Kroger for meeting at least three of the four health screenings.  Too bad I can't get a bonus for hitting all four!  That is a nice chunk of change.  But, I was far more excited over my scores than I was the $450!

I wish I could find my scores from a few years ago for comparison purposes.  Suffice it to say that they were not as good as the scores above.  As the screener read each score to me, my excitement grew and I felt the hint of tears in my eyes.  A year ago, I would not have passed.  Well, I may have passed the blood pressure test.  Maybe.  But, it would have been close.  Today is what this entire journey has been about.  Today, it finally hit me that my end of the year goal that has eluded me was a trivial thing compared to the changes I have made and the years I have added to my life.  I might have been a diabetic today if I hadn't made changes to my life.  Today, I was reminded once again of how this blog saved my life.

Here is my sheet.  Again, excuse the vanity.  Sorry for the bragging.  But, I felt like a little boy today.  I may actually frame this sheet and hang it on my wall!  Click on the image for the full 4-1-1.

Here's to living...

208.8

Down 1.4 pounds heading in to my health screening.  Don't forget to fast...  don't forget to fast...  don't forget to fast...

210.2

With my health screening looming tomorrow, I now am likely not going to pass my BMI test.  Dumb, dumb, dumb...

210.6

No, that is not an error.  That is not a dyslexic moment on my part.  That is not supposed to say 201.6.  After weighing in at 203.4 on Friday, we celebrated with our kids on Christmas Eve at Mi Ranchito's, with Lori's family at our house on Christmas day, and with my family last night at Manhattan's.  Those three wonderful meals, wonderful for the company and good times, I gained 7.2 pounds. Actually, after I worked out on Friday, I weighed 201.8!  So, since that  post-workout obsessive weigh-in, I have gained 8.8 pounds! 

I scoffed at all of the people who said to me over the last two weeks that they were going to start trying to lose weight after the holidays.  I kept telling them not to wait.  I recommended they start immediately and change their attitude.  I admit I was a little bit "holier than thou" when I was preaching to them.  I apologize.  Turns out that I am not better than any of them.  Turns out that I still am too weak to go through a holiday season and lose weight.  I guess 200 will have to weight until January...

December To Remember Status: CANCELLED!   (Unfortunately, it has become a "December To Forget")

Merry Christmas!

Hopefully, everyone reading this blog had as nice of a day as I had today.  I love Christmas.  I love this time of year.  In fact, I gained 2.2 pounds since yesterday and hardly blinked an eye.  I expected it after an excellent Christmas Eve dinner at Mi Ranchito's and I quickly accepted it without ruining a wonderful day. 

Merry Christmas to you and yours!!

December To Remember Status: Day 24: 2.2, Total: (3.6)

203.4

Nice start to the Christmas weekend. 

December To Remember Status: Day 23: (2.0), Total: (5.8)

205.4

I could hardly believe that I actually lost weight since I last weighed in on Tuesday.  After eating at two of my favorite places, Qdoba and Chik-Fil-A, I fully expected to weigh somewhere between 209-210.  I imagine this is less a testament to my hard work over the last two days, though I did work out diligently as always, and more a testament to the fact that my weight on Tuesday was slightly misleading.  I am guessing that without those meals and a little more discipline I could have been in the 203 range this morning.  No worries though.  Unlike the countless people I have talked to in the last week, I will not be waiting until after the holidays to get my butt in gear.  I probably won't get under 200 by the end of the year.  But, I am going to keep trying.  That will never change.

December To Remember Status: Day 22: (0.8), Total: (3.8)

A Subtle Reminder

I didn't weigh myself today because we were in Denver at a hotel this morning.  My daughter had surgery in Denver today.  I always say that I hate hospitals.  Then I laugh at how ridiculous this must sound when I realize that there probably aren't too many people who feel otherwise.  But, with my stomach issues a few years ago and the hell that Kelsea has gone through this last year, I really hate hospitals.  I can't stand walking through the front doors.  I start feeling a level of anxiety that is far more intense than I ever felt five years ago.  And, that anxiety is actually even worse when it involves your children.

I was reminded today that Kelsea's two hospital stays around this time last year were a small part of my motivation.  I never talked about that the night I started this blog.  I actually forgot about it at the time.  But, I realized the 10 pounds I lost from January through March, before I started writing, were partly due to having my daughter in the hospital for almost a month.  Every time I stepped in to the hospital, every time I saw people I didn't know struggling with their health, every day I drove back to Pueblo and left my wife and little girl behind in Denver, it was a subtle reminder of why I needed to change my life.  I knew if I didn't change something that I was going to be spending many more nights in front of an army of doctors and nurses.

Everything went great with Kelsea today.  She went in around 9:15 and we were on our way home around 3:00.  That's the way I like it.  I couldn't wait to get out of there.  Every moment I sit in that waiting room is filled with anxiety.  I can hardly watch my little girl get an I.V. line put in her arm.  Everything done to her dredges up another horrible memory from three years ago and reminds me of how scared I was.  Today, I was scared for her.  Today, I am far less scared for me than I was a year ago. 

Time to get busy again.  Time to be stronger than every holiday temptation set before me.  I never want to step foot in the hospital again... at least not any time soon!  Here's to putting together a streak of days together, similar to my exercise streak, where I never see the inside of a hospital... for me or for a loved one... a subtle reminder...

206.2 : (

Anyone care to see a grown man cry?

December To Remember Status: Day 20: 1.8, Total: (3.0)

204.4

Maybe my old friend Will was right.  Maybe 204-206 is going to end up being my ideal weight.  Maybe this is where my body is going to settle in.  After a decent weigh-in following the Christmas party on Saturday, I felt pretty good yesterday.  I thought I did pretty good yesterday as well.  But, I still gained 1.4 pounds!  If I had known my weigh-in was going to suck that bad I wouldn't have gotten up at 5:30 this morning to work out! 

Of course, "pretty good" is up for debate.  Even if I didn't have another one of Lori's incredible chocolate chip cookies from now to the end of the month, the number of cookies I ate through three days would still be enough to put my average over those two weeks to at least 2 per day!  No more. 

I am okay with 205 being my new weight.  But, I am unwilling to accept that fact until I have put together at least two straight weeks of following a strict diet and exercise plan like I did at the beginning of this journey.  If I was able to string a couple of good weeks together and was still unable to break 200, then I would stop worrying about it.  But, as long as I am eating 6-8 chocolate chip cookies a day... and everything else in sight... I can not or will not accept it!

December To Remember Status: Day 19: 1.4, Total: (4.8)

203.0

So, the cocktail shrimp, jalapeno poppers, bon bons and Crown and 7s cost me .4 pounds.  Not too shabby.  The Christmas party was worth it.

December To Remember Status: Day 18: 0.4, Total: (6.2)

202.6

Now that's the way to start a weekend!  Of course, now I have to worry about all of the yummies at the Christmas party I am going to tonight. 

December To Remember Status: Day 17: (2.4), Total: (6.6)

205.0

Given my 3,000+ calorie day yesterday, I guess I should be happy with the result.  Exercising drunk and then waking up early this morning to do it again paid off... at least a little bit.

December To Remember Status: Day 16: 0.6, Total: (4.2)

Good News and Bad News

I know I have a lot of these good news bad news stories.  But, here goes another one...

The bad news is that I gained .8 pounds this morning and weighed 204.4.  The bad news is that I seem to eat even worse the closer I get to 200... I seem to be self-sabotaging.  The bad news is that I gave in to every temptation that I was faced with yesterday at work.  The bad news is that today I was in an all-day business meeting which was followed by a dinner at Park East.  The bad news is that I ate too much at dinner... a little vegetable tempura, a little Pueblo chile popper, too much blue cheese crumbles, and a filet mignon.  The bad news is that I drank too much.  The bad news is that I came home to freshly baked chocolate chip cookies and had to have one.  The bad news is that I did so poorly for the third straight day that I will likely gain weight once again.

The good news is that I ate well throughout the day despite being faced with a lot of tempting treats.  The good news is that I had fruit for breakfast.  The good news is that I skipped the pastries.  The good news is that I skipped the bread and mayo at lunch when eating my sandwich.  The good news is that I skippped the potato at dinner and had two salads instead.  The good news is that, despite being a little buzzed, I still found my way to the club for my 282nd straight day of exercise!  The good news is that I plan to get up before my meeting tomorrow and exercise again.  The good news is that tomorrow is another day!

Here's to the good news...

203.6

Focus Anthony... focus!  You're almost there.  Stop screwing around.

December To Remember Status: Day 14: 0.4, Total: (5.6)

Making Your Parents Proud

I got a call from my pops today.  He had just received his birthday gift and some pictures we had sent.  You see, my dad does not have a computer or the desire to access a computer even if he had the opportunity.  My dad is one of those guys who thinks this whole "inner net" thing is pretty silly.  Pretty ironic that he has two sons who are quite the opposite.  Because of that aversion, he has not had access to this blog or any of the verbal or pictorial updates.  I hadn't told him that I was losing weight.  I kind of wanted to surprise him the next time I saw him.  Plus, despite how this blog would appear, I really don't like bragging about what I have done.  Sure, I will blab on and on if you ask me about it.  But, I don't say a word about it if somebody else does not mention it first.  Somewhere along the line, one of my siblings informed him of the changes that his oldest son was going through and the secret was out.  So, I have given him updates over the last few months, but still no pics. 

A couple of weeks ago, he asked for some photos.  So, I printed about 15 pictures that showed the gradual (despite how fast you may think it was, it feels GRADUAL to me!) progress I have made from the Fat Penguin picture to the picture from a couple of weeks ago.  He called today to thank us for the gift.  But, he mostly wanted to comment on how great I looked.  Now, this may not seem like a big deal.  But, my dad is not real big on compliments.  Unlike his sappy oldest child, he does not get all mamby-pamby that often.  Not that he never gives a compliment or gets emotional.  It's just that they don't happen real often and they are somewhat subdued when they occur.  I remember coming home from school with straight A's and giving my report card to my mom.  She would read the subject and then announce, "A!" and then do a clap and cheer like the crowd was going wild.  It was goofy, but funny to me at the time.  My dad, on the other hand, would come home from work, take a quick look at my report card, and say, "Good job" with far less enthusiasm then those words might imply.  So today, I could hear his genuine excitement after seeing the photos of me, and it made me smile.  He was so thrilled and he mentioned how good I looked repeatedly.   

My mom doesn't have that problem.  As I mentoned in the story above, my mom has always been hugely supportive of anything anybody in her family does, no matter how insignificant it is.  A little over a year ago, my mom informed us that she was leaving Pueblo and heading out to San Diego to be near my brother and his newborn daughter.  I wasn't thrilled by this news.  But, I understood why she was making the move and I was happy for my brother and my niece.  My mom has made the trip back to Pueblo on a quarterly basis for work.  While it's not the same as her living here, it has been often enough to make her moving a little easier.  However, there was one nice thing about my mom moving away.  The timing of that move took place right before I started this journey.  So, my mom has not been here while I have lost the weight.  It is much more difficult to notice when you are around someone daily or weekly because the changes happen so gradually.  Seeing these updates once every three months can be a lot more impactful.  I have enjoyed her reactions to seeing her son every three months.  I keep thinking I just saw her and then it hits me that I have probably lost 15-25 pounds in that short time.  On her most recent visit, I got the usual enthusiastic response when she pulled up to the house.  But, what was even better than that initial reaction was the number of times throughout the first couple of days she was here that I realized she was staring at me in amazement, as if to say, "Who is this person?".  The differnce is so shocking that she seemed surprise every single day when she saw me for the first time!  That makes me smile too.

I learned today that making your parents proud never gets old, no matter what age you are.  I also learned that parents should never stop letting their kids know they are proud of them, even if they believe their kids are too old to care.  I will remember this as my kids get older... not that I imagine I will ever have a problem in this area.  Here's to making your parents proud at any age and still being thrilled to hear about it...

203.2

Running out of things to say about ho-hum weigh-ins...

December To Remember Status: Day 13: (0.4), Total: (6.0)

In Case You Didn't Notice

Change is good.  Well, maybe not for everyone.  But, I have always liked change.  When that change is because I am 110 pounds lighter, then I like it that much more.

Saturday, I shaved off my beard.  Still left the goatee.  But, after about 15 years (seems to be a common number for me), I finally got rid of the beard.  Nobody noticed.  And, that's okay.  I like to think that had I shave my beard a year ago, it would have been more noticeable.  I think it doesn't have quite the impact now.  Kelsea noticed.  Niko asked me if I was growing out the hair on my chin...  seriously son?!  I used to think that my beard hid my fat face.  LOL!  Who was I kidding?  Well, me if you must know.  Now, I think it makes me look fatter.  It felt weird shaving it off.  You get used to things over time.  I even got used to being fat.  But, I like the goatee.  Now on to convincing Lori that I would look fine with a completely bald head.  Or, at the very least, convincing her that even if it looks bad it will grow back in about three days!

Yesterday, I was finally able to wear my wedding ring again.  Though I wore a replacement about seven or eight years ago, I have not worn my actual wedding band for about...  wait for it... 13 years, maybe less (you thought I was going to say 15, didn't you?).  I just know that I was glad I got it off my finger when I did or it may have required tools to get off if I had waited much longer.  I know I said previously that this was mostly for Lori.  But, I have to admit I like being able to wear my ring again.  At the very least, it is a great feeling to know that I am now a similar weight to where I was 13 years ago!  Oh, and by the way, Mindy noticed that I was wearing my wedding ring!  So, wedding ring 1, goatee 0.  Who would have guessed it?

Here's to change...

203.6

Yeah, I'm guessing you already know what I want to say.

December To Remember Status: Day 12: 1.2, Total: (5.6)

202.4

Down .4 pounds as I take on the Sunday that always seems to ruin my Mondays.  I want 200 so bad that I may end up fasting next week!

December To Remember Status: Day 11: (0.4), Total: (6.8)

202.8... Over 110 Pounds Lost!

Finally.  After a couple of weeks, I finally set a new low and broke the 110 pound barrier that I had been on the verge of since before Thanksgiving.  It is definitely time to move the camera in to the bathroom to be ready for that morning when I break 200.  Great start to my weekend!  With that 2.4 pounds, I have now lost 6.4 pounds since December 1.

December To Remember Status:  Day 10: (2.4), Total: (6.4)

205.2

The pastry that lead to me missing my health screening also kicked off a day of binge snacking... with all of the snacks being horribly bad for me.  Not sure why I keep sabotaging myself whenever I am on the verge of reaching a new low. 

December To Remember Status:  Day 9: 1.0, Total: (4.0)

The Memory Went With The Weight

This morning, I was scheduled to take my health screening.  The screening isn't a requirement of getting our company's insurance, but rather an opportunity to get additional funds put in to a Health Savings Account based on successful results.  The intent is to incent (lol, I like the way that sounds) employees to be healthier and thus reduce overall health care and insurance costs.  This screening includes four tests.  They are Body Mass Index, cholesterol, blood sugar, and blood pressure.  Lori and I can earn the additional funds for each target met and only need three targets of the four to get the maximum. 

I felt pretty confident this morning that I would not only get the three I needed but also pass the fourth for good measure.  My only concern was the BMI test.  The BMI is a simple calculation that uses your weight, height and age.  But, this test fails to take in to account different body types and shapes.  In fact, the BMI calculator on myfitnesspal.com indicates that I have just moved out of the "obese" category and in to the "over" weight category.  Yay for me.  Glad that after 109 pounds and 11 months I can now say that I am no longer obese!  It suggests that my target weight range is between 128.9 and 174.3.  Yeah right!  174.3 just to get to the "healthy" range?!  Right now, I am still barely under "obese"... and here I thought I was doing good. 

My screenig was scheduled for 8:45 AM this morning.  The screening requires fasting for 12 hours.  I did fine last night.  This morning, I packed my breakfast and lunch... still no problem.  On the way to work, I reached in to the bag next to me and grabbed a couple of grapes.  This is habit and the grapes are my favorite snack item.  Two grapes later, I thought to myself, "Shit!  I forgot about the health screening!".  I figured two grapes was not going to kill me.  So, I blew it off.  I got to my desk, pulled off the lid to my yogurt and licked the excess yogurt off the underside of the lid, and then thought, "Shit!  I forgot about the health screening!".  Still, two grapes and a lick of yogurt... I should be fine.  About 40 minutes before the test, I walked in to the lunch room to grab a handful of popcorn.  As I was reaching for the popcorn I spotted a plate of pastries on the table.  Now, I am not a big pastry guy.  But, I do like a certain cream cheese danish-type pastry with powdered sugar on it.  I saw a smaller sized one and decided I really was in the mood.  I ate about half of it and then as I took the third bite, I shouted loudly, "Shit!  I forgot about the health screening!".  Not only had I eaten, but I was eating a sugar-filled, cream cheese-filled, cholesterol and blood sugar level raising, unhealthy pastry!  Ugh.  Well, I decided it wasn't worth risking the funds to test my luck and ended up rescheduling my screening.  Three times within a two-hour period I forgot about my screening.  So, 107 of my pounds may be fat.  But, at least 2 pounds of it is brain matter.  I am sure of it.

So, no scores to post tonight.  Those will have to wait until the night of December 29th.  Congrats to Lori for passing three of four and getting us a nice chunk of change.  Wooooooo Hooooooo!  I ask anybody reading this who knows me to spend the entire morning of the 29th constantly reminding me not to eat.  Here's to still having more days in December to reach those targets and a couple of weeks to practice memory drills...

204.2

This morning I go for a health screening in an attempt to reduce by insurance costs.  I am actually excited to see the results.  Never thought I would say that again!  Wish me luck.  Down a pound this morning and down 5 pounds after only a week in to December!

December To Remember Status:  Day 8: (1.0), Total: (5.0)

205.2

Maybe my friend Will is right.  Maybe I am just destined to be 205 pounds.

December To Remember Status:  Day 7: (0.6), Total: (4.0)

Updated Pics

While I have recently posted these photos on Facebook, I realized that some of my non-FBers weren't able to see them.  Yes, Facebook users, there are still people who do not use Facebook as hard as it is to believe.  And, some of them even read this blog.  So, here are three recent photos that I have willingly posed for.

"X" Marks The Spot

November 4, 2010

Outside the X-Burlesque Theater at The Flamingo

(No comment regarding the creepy guy in the background!)

Kelsea's Birthday Dinner

November 21, 2010

The shirt is a large (a hand-me-down from my son Niko!), the jeans are new

Hiking at the Rez (Lake Pueblo Reservoir)

November 27, 2010

Doing what I love to do most!

That's all for now!  If I can get rid of these last pesky pounds, you may finally get to see the ugliness that started this journey.  Here's to not being afraid to have "my" memories captured...

205.8

What's the word for the emotion that is even more intense than loathing?  Just curious...

December To Remember Status:  Day 6: 0.8, Total: (3.4)

205.0

I hate Mondays.  More specifically, I hate salt.  I have come to the realization that even a decent meal at a restaurant can be dangerous because of the high amounts of salt used.  Restaurants are famous for putting lots of salt in their dishes.  Salt makes food taste better... even for those people who don't think they like salt.  Restaurants know this.  In fact, I just read an article that said raw chicken purchased at the grocery store is injected with salt to improve the flavor!  I never knew that little tidbit of info!  I thought I was safe after only eating the salad bar.  But, after waking up with slightly swollen sausage fingers and a dry throat, I realized I was wrong.  I think that even the lettuce at the salad bar must be injected with salt.  I am even now starting to suspect that there is some salt component to the menus that make the items more appetizing!  lol.  Okay, enough about that.  Up .6 pounds.  But still, a far cry better than where I was last Wednesday and not a bad starting point for the week.

December To Remember Status:  Day 5: 0.6, Total: (4.2)

204.4

I do much better losing weight when not faced with a steady stream of skewers of meat shoved in my face!

December To Remember Status:  Day 4: (0.6), Total: (4.8)

205.0

Oops... almost forgot.  Great morning.  Down 1.2 pounds!

December To Remember Status:  Day 3: (1.2), Total: (4.2)

206.2

Wanted more.  But, as always, I will take it.

December To Remember Status (yeah, I know I stole that from some car company!):  Day 2: (.6), Total: (3.0)

Don't See That Every Day!

Despite not adhering to my planned eating guidelines over the Thanksgiving holiday, I was still proud of one thing.  I was happy that I still exercised every day, including a nice 90 minute walk around the neighborhood on Thanksgiving day.  On Saturday, the weather was so nice that Lori and I made it out to the Pueblo Reservoir for a three hour, seven mile hike.  It was a perfect afternoon and I felt great as we made our way up and down the shale gulleys.

While not quite as pretty as Rocky Mountain National Park, the Reservoir offers decent trails and, with the sun starting to set, it's own share of spectacular views.  The trails are predominantly used for mountain bikes... which explains why relatively easy climbs and descents are rated as difficult on the trail map.  While they would definitely be difficult climbing up on a mountain bike, they aren't the same as a hiking trail rated as "difficult".  We were amazed at some of the mountain bikers climbing the shale while spinning at a rapid rate.  Even though we both felt a lot better than the first time we hiked the Reservoir, neither of us felt like there was a future for us in climbing these same trails on a bike. 

As we were making our way back to the car and watching the sun slowly set over the lake, I was feeling pretty good.  I was proud that I had worked out at the club in the morning but still wanted to go hiking for almost three hours.  I was proud at how easy climbing the more difficult trails at the Reservoir was compared to the very first hike we did in the Spring over the easier trails.  I was proud that the only thing that was making me return to my car was the fast approaching nightfall.  I was proud of how easy it was for me to climb these trails.  I was proud that I was spending part of my Thanksgiving weekend doing something so healthy, invigorating, and rewarding.  I felt pretty good about myself at that moment.  And then it passed...

As Lori and I stepped off the trail to let a couple of mountain bikers pass, I saw him come over the hill.  With the fading light, it took me a second to register.  A man riding down the hill on one wheel.  That's right.  A very fit man riding a unicycle up and down the dirt and shale trails of the Reservoir!  I couldn't believe it.  He cruised past us and then glided up the next ascent with his arms to his side trying to keep his balance as he climbed.  I can't even imagine the balance and the core muscles it takes to ride a mountain unicycle over these trails.  That was impressive.  I laughed as I saw him cross paths with other mountain bikers and heard each group comment in astonishment as he rode off. 

After watching him ride off in to the sunset, I was no longer impressed by my own feats.  I was simply walking fast.  I had two legs for balance.  I was a wimp.  Still enjoyed the hike... just no longer felt like the King of the Hill.  Here's to always being amazed at the abilities of the human mind, body and soul...

206.8

Nice start to the new month, down 2.4 pounds.  December is going to pay for what November did to me!

209.2... A Wasted Month

Whenever people ask me if it has gotten harder to lose the weight as I have gotten closer to my goal, I have steadfastly said no.  I have hung on to the belief that as long as I stuck to my program, exercised daily, and ate right, the weight would come off.  And, I still believe that 100% and will argue with anyone who disagrees.  The only thing that has changed is the amount of effort it takes to burn the same amount of calories as my weight has declined.

But maybe, just maybe, I was wrong.  Maybe none of these people were talking about the physical aspect of this equation.  Maybe they were all referring to the mental component the whole time and I never realized.  Maybe I assumed wrongly.  Maybe these people are smarter than they think... or at least smarter than I.  The ONLY thing I have found harder about losing weight at 205 as compared to 315 is fighting complacency.  At 300+ I hated myself.  Despite EVERYBODY telling me to take it easy on me, that hate drove me.  That hate motivated me.  That hate made me make better choices.  But, at 205, I started liking myself again.  I started  getting comfortable with the way I looked.  I started feeling invincible.  I thought I could make mistakes and then recover quickly.  I was wrong.  If all of you who asked me that question understood this mental battle and that's what you truly meant, then let me be the first to say I was sadly mistaken and you were 100% correct.  If not, then I still don't agree.

Between Las Vegas, Thanksgiving, and Texas de Brazil, I lost the entire month of November.  For the first time since I started, I gained weight.  Last night, I thought I was going to be able to accept that graciously.  I was wrong... horribly wrong.  The best thing about November is that I now loathe myself once again!  I hate that I couldn't stay focused.  I hate that I let a holiday hurt me so bad.  I hate that I am no closer to 200.  I hate that I STILL can't get through a vacation, a holiday, or a business meeting without gaining weight.  I hate that I ate more meat last night than a large grizzly bear would eat when preparing for hibernation.  I hate that I let other people convince me that it is "okay" to have a bad night and, on top of that, that convincing me could be so easy.  I hate me.

So, now that I am back in the right mindset... the one that works for my demented little brain... it is time to tackle December.  I didn't think getting to 200 by the end of the year was going to be a problem two months ago.  It doesn't seem as easy now.  But, it is still possible.  So, I now have 31 days, two holidays (including one designated specifically for margaritas!), no business trips, and no vacations to lose 9.3 pounds.  So, a nice round .3 pounds per day, or about a pound every three days.  I may not get there.  But, I promise I will not gain weight again this month!  And, I promise that I will try. 

And, please, don't worry.  Loathing myself does not mean I am going to do anything drastic like killing myself... I would at least have to wait until after I got under 200!  lol.  So, no notes.  No lectures.  Let me wallow in my loathing for a little bit longer!

No Update... No Hope

I am back home after going up to Golden yesterday morning for a business meeting.  So, no scale this morning meant no update. I did well eating overall and didn't even drink too much considering that I was in Coor's backyard... until tonight.  Didn't even plan to stay for dinner this evening.  Thought of coming home this afternoon.  As much as my stomach wishes I had come home and skipped the planned festivities, I enjoyed the evening and was glad I stayed.  The evening started with a visit to Children's Hospital in Denver, sponsored by The March of Dimes.  That visit included a tour of the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit and ended with a couple of people sharing moving stories about their premature infants. 

As sad and touching as those stories were, they had no impact on my appetite and I found plenty of room for the meat-fest that is Texas de Brazil.  For those of you who have never been, TdB is a single price all you can eat table side buffet.  Does this mean my plan to never eat at a buffet is over?  Yes.  The salad bar alone is enough to satisfy any normal person on any normal day.  And, if you have never been to a Brazilian steakhouse, I highly recommend not overdoing it on the very tasty salad buffet items and leaving room for the meat.  The variety of meats, from filet mignon to pork tenderloin to lamb to chicken, are served by a stream of gauchos with long skewers.  They came to the table so quickly that, as one of our table-mates so elegantly stated, you feel like you are in the Meat Olympics.  It is a race to consume each piece of meat to clear space before the next gaucho showed up at the table.  Some of the gauchos were on top of each other.  The meat never stops ("that's what she said")...  truly a carnivore's heaven.  The meal was fantastic.  The company was great.  Thanks again to The March of Dimes for a great evening.

I am not going to whine and moan about how bad I was.  I am not even that upset with myself.  I laughed thinking back to the days when I first experienced a Brazilian steakhouse, the Rodizio Grill, and remembered the amount of meat I ate on those two occasions.  I only wish that this dinner hadn't occured on the night before my official December 1 weigh-in.  At the moment, I am half-tempted to skip weighing in at all tomorrow and saving myself the agony of hating myself in the morning.  My fear is that I may not have lost any weight at all this month.  We will see.

Here's to The March of Dimes and all of the great things they do for premature babies...