237.0

My weekend in Vail started off on a sour note when I woke up on Thursday morning 1.8 pounds heavier at 233.0.  I should have known I was going to gain.  Besides the early morning weigh-in, never a good thing, I also made the mistake of working out in the morning, working out at lunch, mowing the lawn, and eating decently all day on Wednesday.  That combination of good things has consistently led to weight gains between 1-3 pounds that I have yet to fully understand.  

I can't blame the disappointment of my Thursday weigh-in for the events of this weekend.  I simply turned on my vacation blinders and over-indulged.  From the beginning to the end of the weekend, I made ill-advised choices. I wish I had a legitimate excuse besides weakness.  The biggest concern is that I am about to go on a real vacation for an even longer period of time and it is disappointing that I couldn't be a little more diligent on this mini-vacation.

I have been oft-criticized for being too hard on myself.  And, I have tried to take a more positive approach and outlook towards this journey this time.  I have recognized that a bad day or two is not the end of the world as long as I stay the course and react accordingly.  I still think that attitude will bode well for me when I am back down to the weight I was three years ago.  But, there is a fine line between a positive attitude and acceptance.  This is why I have always maintained a little bit of that tough-love mentality.  A positive attitude can easily lead to "letting go" for an entire weekend.  That positive attitude... the one that says it's okay to relax a little on this mini-vacation... is the same one that says it's okay to be bad for an entire weekend.  This is where I need to be careful.  This is where I need to balance the positivity with a little harsh judgement.

That positive attitude made it okay when Lori wanted a scoop of ice cream and the trip in to the candy/ice cream store led to me getting two scoops of ice cream on a waffle cone (I never get ice cream!), a Mallo Cup (something I haven't seen since I was a kid), and a full bag of those fruit wedges that are both sour and sweet (something I haven't seen in years).  "Let it go" I told myself.  It's one bad decision.  Just be good the rest of the way.  

That positive attitude made it okay on Mexican night with our friends to eat chips and salsa, and guacamole, and pico de gallo all as appetizers.  And then a burrito with beans and rice all smothered in green chile... oh, and a little more beef (no tortilla, as if that would make a huge difference at this point), with green chile... oh, and the couple of beers.  I felt full.  But, we walked to the July 3 fireworks display in Avon and that at least made up for some of it.  Stay positive I told myself.  

The next day, that positive attitude allowed me to continue to eat the candy we bought the day before and any of the candy we collected at the parade that morning.  It also said it was okay to eat beef jerky all weekend long.  

But, Friday night's dinner was going to be different.  My plan was a brat with a bun and a few chips.  That positive attitude allowed me to eat way too much cheese and crackers, too much artichoke and jalapeno dip and crackers, and too much ranch dip and chips.  That positive attitude allowed me even more beers than the night before.  That positive attitude changed my single brat in to a hamburger with half a bun and a brat without the bun, and some cole slaw.  By this time, I felt sick.  

But, Saturday was going to be our hiking day.  Saturday was going to be the day I went to Pazzo's Pizza, my one planned exception.  I thought maybe I would just skip Pazzo's after the way I had eaten.  But, that positive attitude made me say okay when the group excitedly talked about going to the pizza place as soon as we finished our hike.  So, we went.  And, I ate as good as I could for a pizza place.  Instead of enjoying my one planned exception, the one thing I looked forward to,  I tried to limit the damage from all of my unplanned exceptions.  Okay, not the end of the world.  It's a start.  But, that positive attitude allowed me to go to a Mexican restaurant that evening for margaritas and chips and salsa.  That positive attitude let the chips and salsa become chips, salsa, guacamole, and jalapeno cheese bean dip and the single margarita to become a pitcher.

Yesterday was a little better.  But, not good enough to save my weekend.  So, there was little surprise this morning when I was 4 pound heavier.  Much disappointment, but little surprise.  

In the end, knowing that it was "just" a weekend and having a positive attitude, allowed me to make decisions I never would have made if I stayed slightly angry at myself.  And, that has always been my concern about the positive attitude and why I have embraced a little self-loathing.  That negativity has always kept me in check.  I could have used a little bit more of that this weekend.  

The good news is that this same positive attitude is why I am typing this blog right now.  And, why I am eating good today.  And, why I got up this morning to work out.  And, why I am confident that I will be back to the lower 230s in days.  

Here's to learning how to balance my positive attitude and my self-loathing ever so slightly... especially when on vacation...

Starting weight (this time): 278.4
Current weight: 237.0
Change from previous: +5.8 (via +1.8, +4.0)
Total: (41.4)
Total Days: 153