Quick Update

Doesn't feel like a week since I last posted.  Not much has changed.  I do good for a few days and then ruing it with a bad day.  Though, sometimes the "bad" in bad day doesn't seem appropriate.  This weekend's 2.2 pound gain on Sunday was after a great night with friends eating some really good food.  And, I had more than enough laughs to make me feel better about the couple of pounds I gained.  Does anyone know how many calories are in a shot of Jaeger?

My progress has slowed a little bit because I tweeked my knee... my good knee.  So, I rested my knee a few nights and only worked out about three.  Even those workouts were not as intense as normal as I tried to let my knee recover.  The only thing worse than a week off is doing something to my knee that keeps me permanently in the gym.  Last night wasn't 100%.  But, it was a little bit better.

Last 7 days:
10/25 - 238.6
10/26 - 238.8
10/27 - 237.6
10/28 - 239.8 (can you guess what night the party was?)
10/29 - 239.4
10/30 - 238.6
10/31 - 238.2

My goal tonight is to eat less candy than I hand out. 

Day 75 - (0.4), Overall - (14.4), Pounds To Break 220 - 18.4

239.0, 238.8, 237.8, 238.4

Not much going on lately.  Since hitting my recent low of 235.6, I put a couple of pounds back on and have just been hovering around the high 230s for the last 9 days.  Need another week or two stretch where I move that needle to the low 230s. 

Day 68 - 0.6, Overall - (14.2), Pounds To Break 220 - 18.6

237.6

Good day.  Thursday is forgotten.  Down 2.2 this morning and ready for the weekend!

Day 64 - (2.2), Overall - (15.0), Pounds To Break 220 - 17.8

239.8

Going backwards.  So, instead of maintaining the status quo this weekend, I now need to lose weight just to start next week even with last week.  I ate poorly yesterday and skipped the club.  Not a good day.

On a more positive note, my daughter Kelsea is now down 36 pounds!  So proud of her and still hoping to find something that triggers me to be as focused as she has been.

Day 63 - 2.2, Overall - (12.8), Pounds To Break 220 - 20.0

237.6

Down .2 pounds.  Decided to drop the numbers below that compare my actual to my pace goals I set for myself over 12 weeks ago.  It is obvious I am not breaking 220 by the end of October.  I will set some new mini-goals and keep them to myself.

Day 62 - (0.2), Overall - (15.0), Pounds To Break 220 - 17.8

237.8

No mixed emotions this morning.  I guess it wasn't all salt.

Day 61 - 0.2, Overall - (14.8), Pounds To Break 220 - 18.0, Ahead/Behind Pace - (11.9)

237.6

So much for having a good weekend!  It is odd having such mixed emotions about a day...

The Highs - Let's focus on the highs since I am trying to be a little more positive in my self-assessments.  First, I planned to go to a friend's house to watch the Broncos on Monday Night Football.  I knew he would have some good Mexican food and I knew I was not going to have a great night.  So, I made sure to get to the club before going over to his house.  Since I only had a 30 minute window, I worked out hard for those 30 minutes.  I think I ended up burning more calories than I do when I go my normal 45.  Those 30 minutes included 8 minutes of running!  I think that is what I am most excited about.  As I have put weight back on, my knee stopped handling my runs and I went back to walking on the treadmill.  I have been anxious to run again and I missed it.  I was pretty excited to be running and my knee held up pretty well.  Hopefully, I can up the minutes each week and go back to what I was doing over a year ago.

That wasn't my only high.  After eating poorly at my friend's house, I felt like crap.  Way too much salt.  Way too much food.  My ride wanted to leave a little early and as we drove, I asked my daughter if she felt like going to the club.  Like me, she was full.  But, she agreed and I ended up back at the club with the intent of trying to limit the damages.  I walked another 45 minutes and, while it didn't erase what I had done at dinner, it made me feel much better about myself.  In addition, it was fun to cheer on the Broncos with a group of people exercising as they made a miracle comeback against the Chargers!

The Lows - Again, I won't go in to details.  I ate too much.  I was upset when I went back to the club thinking about how much better it would have been to have two workout sessions and not eaten poorly.  I was upset that it hurt a little bit to exercise because I was so full.  And, I was upset about the 2 pounds this morning.

Back to the highs... despite that, I know that a lot of it was salt and with a good day today I will be back to where I was yesterday.  I am okay losing a couple of days, just don't want to lose 5.  I am going to stay positive despite accepting that I am a food addict and will never have full control over that. 

Day 60 - 2.0, Overall - (15.0), Pounds To Break 220 - 17.8, Ahead/Behind Pace - (11.2)

235.6... Yes!

It wasn't earth shattering.  But, I did it!  For only the second time in 12 weeks, I made it through a weekend without gaining and managed to be lower than my Saturday morning weight by .2 pounds and my Friday weight by 2 pounds.  Two new lows set and I am now at my lowest since December 4, 2011!  The best news is that I lost 7.4 pounds since last Sunday, or 8 days ago.  If I can get through two consecutive weekends without gaining, I should be sub-230 by the end of next week.

Day 59 - (2.2), Overall - (17.0), Pounds To Break 220 - 15.8, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - (8.8)

235.8

Nice start to my Saturday!  Down 1.8 after waking up feeling fat.  Feel like today has been a decent day.  So, hopefully, I am halfway through the weekend battle with no major wounds.  Anxious for tomorrow's weigh-in and tomorrow in general.  Would love to actually start next week under 235.

That means I have now lost 35 pounds during the week and gained 20 on the weekends.  Unbelievable...

Day 57 - (1.8), Overall - (16.8), Pounds To Break 220 - 16.0, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - (8.1)

237.6

Down another .8 pounds to my new recent low and my lowest weight in all of 2012!  This is the lowest I have been since December 17, 2011 when I weighed exactly the same.  After 8 weeks, I am still behind my original pace by a bunch.  But, at the same time, I am down 15 pounds.  And, if the worst-case scenario was that I only lost another 15 pounds over the next 8 weeks, I could live with that.  I know I can lose faster than that.  But, I tell my daughter to be patient and I need to practice what I preach... a think I don't do often.  That would put me at around 222 by December 7.  I would be perfectly happy with that.  I will take that positive energy in to this weekend and try to reverse an ugly trend.

Day 56 - (0.8), Overall - (15.0), Pounds To Break 220 - 17.8, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - (9.5)

238.4

Down another 1.2 pounds.  New low and lowest weight since February 28.  Still way behind pace.  But, you know me, I still haven't given up.  I just need to lose 18.6 pounds in 22 days.  I think I have done it before!

So, now I have lost 35.2 during the week and gained 20 on the weekends. Bring on the weekend!!

Day 55 - (1.2), Overall - (14.2), Pounds To Break 220 - 18.6, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - (9.7)

239.6

Down a pound and back under 240.  I'm not going to say it...

Day 54 - (1.0), Overall - (13.0), Pounds To Break 220 - 19.8, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - (10.6)

240.6

Dear Anthony - Hopefully, tomorrow, you will once again go back under the 240 barrier.  I just want you to know that the Anthony who is writing this plea to you is sick and tired of seeing any number on the scale that starts with "24", or "25" for that matter.  I am tired of blogging about my crappy weekends.  I am tired of typing that number in to my Excel tracking spreadsheet.  I am tired of the guilt I feel on Monday mornings when I debate lying about my weight so that I don't have to fess up to my sins on this blog.  I am stunned by the statistics I blogged about yesterday showing the difference between my weekdays and weekends.  Which, by the way, is now even bigger after another 1.4 pounds lost today.  I am upset that I believe I have had that "moment" and then set out to disprove that with a Saturday like I had this weekend.  I am begging you, Anthony, to lose at least .8 today.  I am begging you to do everything in your power to stay under 240 for the rest of your entire life!  That includes the weekend, by the way.

That is all.  Thanks, Love You, Your Friend In Weight Loss, Anthony

After seeing those numbers yesterday, I am half-tempted to just start working on the weekends.  Maybe if I come in to the office and work a few hours it will keep me in a routine.  I am actually looking forward to this weekend and am determined to change this behavior.  Maybe I will make a poster for my wall that shows the stats I posted yesterday. 

By the way, I am dropping the "commitment" numbers on the bottom of my daily posts. Obviously, it hasn't worked and I haven't been very committed.  All I need is another set of numbers reminding me of how disappointing I have been.

Day 53 - (1.4), Overall - (12.0), Pounds To Break 220 - 20.8, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - (11.2)

239.4, 238.6, 243.0, 242.0

Okay, I lied.  Wasn't I taught to "never say never".  You would think I would learn by now.  If I hadn't used it as a blog title before, I would have titled this "I Suck".  I am not sure what is worse, going back over 240 or realizing that, despite what I may think to the contrary, I have not fully made the mental switch that is required to really make a change.  I keep thinking I have had that moment again.  But, when faced with even the slightest temptation, I am still weak. 

I felt energized after waking up to a new low on Saturday of 238.6.  After going to the club, I decided to weigh myself again and saw 237.2!  That was the motivation I needed with a planned housewarming party that we were going to that afternoon.  I figured there would be some snacks and beer.  A beer or two, easy on the snacks, and I would wake up Sunday to something in the 238 range.  But, they had chicken wings, pizza, and home-made salsa and bean dip.  I will blame it on the Florida Gators.  In my excitement over the huge win over LSU, I lost my senses and kept eating... and eating... and eating.  I don't even know what comes over me at those moments.  I feel the resentment as soon as I take a moment to breathe.  I knew I would be close to or over 240.  But, when I saw 243 on Sunday morning, all of those feelings of self-loathing came back in full force.  It is amazing that I can gain 4.4 in one day.  Even more amazing that I gained 5.8 from my post-workout weight.

So, once again I am doomed by my choices on the weekends.  I started thinking about the difference between my weeks and my weekends.  So, I looked it up.  Over the last 11 weekend weigh-ins, those on Sunday and Monday (based on my Saturdays and Sundays), I have gained 20 pounds.  20 pounds!  Over that same period, my weigh-ins on the other five days, Tuesday through Saturday, I have lost 30.6 pounds!   If I took away the weekends, I would already be close to 220.  During that period, I have had only one weekend where I stayed the same and one weekend where I lost 3.6 pounds.  The other 9 weekends all saw me gain weight.  It is hard to believe that I know this and can't control myself. 

Back to the week, where I will kick butt and get myself back to 238.  Then on to the weekend where I have nothing planned... yet.  But, there will come a point where I don't care whether I have plans or not.  That hasn't come yet.  But, I hope it does soon.

Day 52 - (1.0), Overall - (10.6), Pounds To Break 220 - 22.2, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - (12.1)
The Commitment - Day 13 - (1.0), Overall - (3.0)

239.4

Down .4 and still under 240.  Four days later, I am still .2 pounds away from recovering from this weekend.  So, I should get back to where I was last Friday just in time for a new weekend.  This one will be better...

At this point, my prospects of reaching my goal by November 1 look bleak.  But, I will still keep tracking that pace as a goal and hope it can at least motivate me to something better than when I started seven weeks ago.

Day 48 - (0.4), Overall - (13.2), Pounds To Break 220 - 19.6, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - (7.8)
The Commitment - Day 9 - (0.4), Overall - (5.6)

239.8

Back under 240... FOR THE LAST TIME EVER!!!  Down .4 from yesterday.  If I can string 12 more days together of being decent, I shouldn't ever see 240 again.  Time to start working on sub-235.

Day 47 - (0.4), Overall - (12.8), Pounds To Break 220 - 20.0, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - (7.8)
The Commitment - Day 8 - (0.4), Overall - (5.2)

240.2

Down 2.6 pounds after a good day. 

Lost in my self-loathing yesterday was the fact that I actually hit 239.2, another new recent low.  Hopefully, I will move under that tomorrow or the next day.  All in all, despite the poor weekend, I am down almost 5 pounds over the last week.

Still stupid though...

Day 46 - (2.6), Overall - (12.4), Pounds To Break 220 - 20.4, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - (7.7)

The Commitment - Day 7 - (2.6), Overall - (4.8)

239.2, 242.6, 242.8

Yes, I am that stupid.  Upset with myself for the weekend.  Tired of being upset with myself for the weekends.  I went in to the weekend expecting to struggle.  But, I still had hopes of staying under or real close to the 240 mark. 

I had planned to eat very little or nothing at all on Saturday knowing that we had dinner plans.  But, my Mom invited us to join her, my sister, and my nephews for breakfast at the Pantry.  I didn't overdo it.  But, I didn't eat healthy either.  I think there was a part of me that knew I was already writing off the day, so I stopped worrying about it.  Bad decision. 

I planned to enjoy myself at dinner.  But, there is a difference between enjoying one's self and being a glutton.  I was going to say subtle difference.  But, it's not so subtle.  Maybe glutton is too harsh of a word.  I didn't eat to the point of embarassing myself.  But, I had a little bit extra of everything.  And, I won't bore you with my food choices.  For a weight-loss blog, I already spend way too much time talking about food.  Suffice it to say, everything was awesome. 

So, I woke up on Sunday 3.4 pounds heavier.  In my mind, I was hoping for about 2.  Okay.  Worse than expected... so, time to buckle down.  Then I had a pretty good day on Sunday eating and exercising.  I even threw out a refrigerator full of tempting leftovers.  So, like most of these bad nights, I figured I would get at least 2 pounds back this morning and the weekend damages would be just over a pound.  Instead, this morning was even higher than yesterday.  I wanted to cry.  This is not an exaggeration.  This is not my blog-persona being over-dramatic for purposes of a better read.  I am upset that I ruined a really good start with a bad weekend.  I am upset that I couldn't have eaten and drank 60% of what I consumed.  I am upset that I not only went back over 240, but I went way over 240.  I am upset with myself for not exercising on Saturday.  I am upset with myself for not making a better choice at breakfast.  I am upset with myself for letting my mind tell me that it is okay to give up a whole day.  I am upset that this blog has become so redundant.  I don't know if I would keep reading if I was a follower.  Down 3.  Up 2. Up 1.  Disappointed.  Ready to start.  Committed.  Back in a groove.  Up again.  Bad day.  Behind pace. Blah blah blah blah blah...

So stupid...

Day 45 - 0.2, Overall - (9.8), Pounds To Break 220 - 23.0, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - (9.9)
The Commitment - Day 6 - 0.2, Overall - (2.2)