Wednesday, September 28, 2011
225.4
I have run out of words to describe my disappointment in myself. I am not even able to string together two days in a row anymore. To make matters worse, I have a business trip to Chicago next week. Chicago just happens to be my favorite city in the world. And, you know me, much of what makes it my favorite are the restaurants! I am not sure what is the hardest thing about updating my weight on this blog every morning, the embarassment of posting my latest failure or thinking of some way to add words to it that I haven't said before. Just yesterday morning, I was actually hoping to be under 222 today, 221 by tomorrow, and 220 by Friday. Silly Anthony...
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
223.6
I won't even pretend I am back on track based on recent events. But, I will take the 3.4 pound drop and only say that yesterday morning felt like a true wake-up call and watching The Biggest Loser last night reminded me of where I was not too long ago.
"It's The Marinuccis!"
Last week, I came home from work and Lori and I took off for a bike ride. I had forgotten how much I loved riding and have had a lot of fun with our new bicycles. So, we took off for the path along the river and decided to head towards downtown. Not long after getting to the path, I slowed down to take a drink. As we approached a slight curve in the trail, I reached for my water bottle with my right hand while my left hand rested on the break and handlebars. As I was taking a drink, I heard voices coming down the path and heard Lori say that there were people ahead. A split second later I saw a small dog round the corner heading directly in my path. When I saw the dog, my natural reaction was to squeeze the brake. And, because I was caught by surprise, I squeezed it hard.
So, those who don't know bicycles very well are now saying, "So what?!". Those who know bicycles are saying, "Oops!". In the U.S., on most bicycles, the brake lever that is controlled by the left hand is the front brake. And, while the front brake is perfectly fine when combined with the back brake, it is not so good when used by itself and squeezed quickly and with force. The front wheel stopped. My bike, my water bottle, and I did not. My body went over the handlebars while the back of my bike flipped over and landed on top of me. In the second it took me to hit the pavement, fleeting thoughts of embarassment and imminent pain raced through my head. It is bad enough to fall with nobody watching and slightly worse to fall in front of your wife. But, add to it the embarassment of falling in front of strangers who just happened to cross paths with you. And then, as I lay there trying to ascertain the extent of damage I had done to my body, I heard a familiar voice say, "It's the Marinuccis!". It was Julie Lockett. She was walking with Ursula Kochenberger and Kelly Gordon. The only thing worse than falling in front of complete strangers walking by is falling in front of three ladies who happen to be friends.
I started laughing at my incredible good luck. I laughed so hard at hearing Julie Lockett's voice that I couldn't even stand up. Well, that and the fact that the bike was now intertwined with my legs. I think I made it look worse because I wasn't moving. I just kept laying there and laughing uncontrollably. Finally, I got up and realized that I had fallen quite gracefully and that I was relatively unscathed. The only thing that I felt was slight pain in my left palm where I had broken my fall. Even better than my physical good fortune was picking up my bike and realizing that it had survived the fall even better than I. Other than a slight twist of the handlebar to align it with the front wheel, there wasn't anything wrong with the bike. Not a scratch. Right then, Kelly mentioned that something had flown towards the bank of the river. I assured her that it was not my teeth and knew that it was my water bottle that had been launched ahead.
After retrieving my bottle and then sharing some good-hearted laughter and conversation, we finally moved on. We continued to laugh at hearing Julie's voice exclaim, "It's the Marinuccis". When we returned home, my right knee started hurting and I realized I had bruised and scratched my knee. The next day, I realized I had bruised my arm as well. But overall, I was very fortunate to land as well as I did and felt lucky that my bike and body had come out of it so well. Here's to always being able to make fun of yourself and to falling gracefully...
So, those who don't know bicycles very well are now saying, "So what?!". Those who know bicycles are saying, "Oops!". In the U.S., on most bicycles, the brake lever that is controlled by the left hand is the front brake. And, while the front brake is perfectly fine when combined with the back brake, it is not so good when used by itself and squeezed quickly and with force. The front wheel stopped. My bike, my water bottle, and I did not. My body went over the handlebars while the back of my bike flipped over and landed on top of me. In the second it took me to hit the pavement, fleeting thoughts of embarassment and imminent pain raced through my head. It is bad enough to fall with nobody watching and slightly worse to fall in front of your wife. But, add to it the embarassment of falling in front of strangers who just happened to cross paths with you. And then, as I lay there trying to ascertain the extent of damage I had done to my body, I heard a familiar voice say, "It's the Marinuccis!". It was Julie Lockett. She was walking with Ursula Kochenberger and Kelly Gordon. The only thing worse than falling in front of complete strangers walking by is falling in front of three ladies who happen to be friends.
I started laughing at my incredible good luck. I laughed so hard at hearing Julie Lockett's voice that I couldn't even stand up. Well, that and the fact that the bike was now intertwined with my legs. I think I made it look worse because I wasn't moving. I just kept laying there and laughing uncontrollably. Finally, I got up and realized that I had fallen quite gracefully and that I was relatively unscathed. The only thing that I felt was slight pain in my left palm where I had broken my fall. Even better than my physical good fortune was picking up my bike and realizing that it had survived the fall even better than I. Other than a slight twist of the handlebar to align it with the front wheel, there wasn't anything wrong with the bike. Not a scratch. Right then, Kelly mentioned that something had flown towards the bank of the river. I assured her that it was not my teeth and knew that it was my water bottle that had been launched ahead.
After retrieving my bottle and then sharing some good-hearted laughter and conversation, we finally moved on. We continued to laugh at hearing Julie's voice exclaim, "It's the Marinuccis". When we returned home, my right knee started hurting and I realized I had bruised and scratched my knee. The next day, I realized I had bruised my arm as well. But overall, I was very fortunate to land as well as I did and felt lucky that my bike and body had come out of it so well. Here's to always being able to make fun of yourself and to falling gracefully...
Monday, September 26, 2011
224.4/226.8/227.0
I want to cry. After eating Manhattan's Pizza on Friday night and maintaining the same weight Saturday morning, I was actually kind of suprised and a little excited. I told myself that was going to be the start of a good weekend. And, then proceeded to eat everything in sight! I realized this morning that I have gained 29 pounds since my lowest weight! That is hard to even fathom.
I spent the weekend mad at all of the people I ran in to at the Chile Festival who told me how great I looked. I wanted to tell them to stop. I wanted to tell them they were wrong! I felt guilty hearing the compliments and knowing what I have done over the last few months.
This morning I logged in to myfitnesspal.com for the first time in months. I know I promised a couple of months ago. But, it never happened. It's just one thing. But, it works for me and I am glad that I finally went back to it. I didn't exercise yesterday. So, my new streak died an early death. Tonight, I am going back to the gym.
I spent the weekend mad at all of the people I ran in to at the Chile Festival who told me how great I looked. I wanted to tell them to stop. I wanted to tell them they were wrong! I felt guilty hearing the compliments and knowing what I have done over the last few months.
This morning I logged in to myfitnesspal.com for the first time in months. I know I promised a couple of months ago. But, it never happened. It's just one thing. But, it works for me and I am glad that I finally went back to it. I didn't exercise yesterday. So, my new streak died an early death. Tonight, I am going back to the gym.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
220.6/219.8/221.6/221.8/221.6
Sorry Kelsea, I guess I haven't made good on my promise. You can blame your mom's green chile. I love that stuff.
Friday, September 16, 2011
My Little Girl
Over the last few months, I have spent a lot of time whining about the stress in my life... okay, maybe way too much time. And, maybe I was trying to justify my weight gain and my sudden out-of-control eating habits. Some of it was my Dad's situation, some of it was work-related, but the one constant stressor that has weighed heavily on me was my daughter Kelsea's health problems.
For almost two years, my daughter has battled an illness that has consumed her life. I won't go in to the details here. But, to this day, her illness has never been truly diagnosed. The only guess anyone has had is based on a diagnosis by exclusion... which in layman's terms means they have ruled out everything they can possibly test for and this is the only thing left. That includes cancer, tuberculosis, infections, auto-immune deficiencies, and on and on and on. That diagnosis is an extremely rare illness that is common in females who have been pregnant and are 30-40 years old. My daughter does not fall in to either category.
So, after several hospital visits, 30+ doctors, countless tests and procedures, stints of prednisone, methotrexate and other drugs, the side effects of those drugs, missed time at work, a semester lost of school, and a wave of bad I.V. attempts that left her in pain, my daughter finally gave up. She stopped taking the drugs and scheduled a surgery to remove the problematic tissue and attempt to get on with her life.
As a parent, there is nothing worse than seeing your child in pain; wishing that you could trade places and take all of that pain on. Even knowing that this was a positive thing in the long run, it still hurt to know that my daughter was having this surgery... a surgery that no 20 year old girl should have to go through. I was sad, excited, anxious, hopeful, and scared. I have hardly slept over the past week. I tried to be mentally present at our quarterly meetings this week... with little luck. I spent Tuesday night at a restaurant during a business meeting fighting to stay focused on the discussion while constantly finding my mind drifting off to her surgery scheduled for Wednesday morning. I worked until 3 AM Tuesday night and finally went to bed exhausted. Despite that, I still couldn't sleep and tossed and turned until the alarm woke me three hours later. I gave a morning presentation; slightly numb and fighting back tears. I finished and then rushed to the hospital.
When I got there, I found my daughter bright-eyed and excited. Nervous still, though mostly of the impending I.V. (it's a long story), but mostly anxious to get this done and move on with her life. I was, and still am, amazed at her strength throughout this ordeal. I know she has had her moments and I have seen her break down. Yet, she remains as strong as any young lady could be given the circumstances. I remember teasing her a couple of years ago when she got a very small tattoo on the inside of her wrist that represented "strength". Well, Kelsea, I didn't get it then. But, I get it now. You are truly strong and have an incredible spirit and that tattoo is fitting. I wish your father was even half as strong as you have been. I have been in hospitals when I needed to leave the room so that I could cry alone in a hallway so that my daughter wouldn't see me that upset. My only strength has been hiding that weakness from her and trying to appear positive at all times.
Kelsea is home now. The surgery went incredibly well and she is already relatively pain-free. So incredibly brave. Her attitude is incredible. The doctor was incredibly positive and extremely optimistic that this should take care of her illness.
Last night I slept. I slept like a baby. I think I will sleep even more contently tonight. I realized this week that all of the stressors I have mentioned before paled in comparison to this particular one. I remain optimistic that this will take care of the problem and that my little girl can get on with her life.
Tomorrow, I will regrettably post another number that disgusts me. Too much food and no exercise while in Denver. Tonight I started my new exercise streak. One I hope to get to 550 days to break my record. Tomorrow, I will try to get myself back on track food-wise. I will try to find the strength that my daughter has shown me over the last two years... in her honor.
I love you Kelsea Nicole Marinucci! I will always be proud and amazed by your strength and spirit. Here's to watching your little girl grow up to be such an incredible woman...
For almost two years, my daughter has battled an illness that has consumed her life. I won't go in to the details here. But, to this day, her illness has never been truly diagnosed. The only guess anyone has had is based on a diagnosis by exclusion... which in layman's terms means they have ruled out everything they can possibly test for and this is the only thing left. That includes cancer, tuberculosis, infections, auto-immune deficiencies, and on and on and on. That diagnosis is an extremely rare illness that is common in females who have been pregnant and are 30-40 years old. My daughter does not fall in to either category.
So, after several hospital visits, 30+ doctors, countless tests and procedures, stints of prednisone, methotrexate and other drugs, the side effects of those drugs, missed time at work, a semester lost of school, and a wave of bad I.V. attempts that left her in pain, my daughter finally gave up. She stopped taking the drugs and scheduled a surgery to remove the problematic tissue and attempt to get on with her life.
As a parent, there is nothing worse than seeing your child in pain; wishing that you could trade places and take all of that pain on. Even knowing that this was a positive thing in the long run, it still hurt to know that my daughter was having this surgery... a surgery that no 20 year old girl should have to go through. I was sad, excited, anxious, hopeful, and scared. I have hardly slept over the past week. I tried to be mentally present at our quarterly meetings this week... with little luck. I spent Tuesday night at a restaurant during a business meeting fighting to stay focused on the discussion while constantly finding my mind drifting off to her surgery scheduled for Wednesday morning. I worked until 3 AM Tuesday night and finally went to bed exhausted. Despite that, I still couldn't sleep and tossed and turned until the alarm woke me three hours later. I gave a morning presentation; slightly numb and fighting back tears. I finished and then rushed to the hospital.
When I got there, I found my daughter bright-eyed and excited. Nervous still, though mostly of the impending I.V. (it's a long story), but mostly anxious to get this done and move on with her life. I was, and still am, amazed at her strength throughout this ordeal. I know she has had her moments and I have seen her break down. Yet, she remains as strong as any young lady could be given the circumstances. I remember teasing her a couple of years ago when she got a very small tattoo on the inside of her wrist that represented "strength". Well, Kelsea, I didn't get it then. But, I get it now. You are truly strong and have an incredible spirit and that tattoo is fitting. I wish your father was even half as strong as you have been. I have been in hospitals when I needed to leave the room so that I could cry alone in a hallway so that my daughter wouldn't see me that upset. My only strength has been hiding that weakness from her and trying to appear positive at all times.
Kelsea is home now. The surgery went incredibly well and she is already relatively pain-free. So incredibly brave. Her attitude is incredible. The doctor was incredibly positive and extremely optimistic that this should take care of her illness.
Last night I slept. I slept like a baby. I think I will sleep even more contently tonight. I realized this week that all of the stressors I have mentioned before paled in comparison to this particular one. I remain optimistic that this will take care of the problem and that my little girl can get on with her life.
Tomorrow, I will regrettably post another number that disgusts me. Too much food and no exercise while in Denver. Tonight I started my new exercise streak. One I hope to get to 550 days to break my record. Tomorrow, I will try to get myself back on track food-wise. I will try to find the strength that my daughter has shown me over the last two years... in her honor.
I love you Kelsea Nicole Marinucci! I will always be proud and amazed by your strength and spirit. Here's to watching your little girl grow up to be such an incredible woman...
Monday, September 12, 2011
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Saturday, September 10, 2011
The Streak Ends
After 549 straight days, my exercise streak finally came to an end. I knew it would take sickness or an injury to prevent me from working out. And, I was right. I felt like crap on Wednesday and Thursday. But, I still felt good enough to exercise. Yesterday was different. I came home and my head felt like it was about to explode. My stomach didn't feel good. My body felt exhausted. And, I was tired. Despite all this, I still asked Lori if she wanted to go on a walk. She begged me to sit on the couch and rest. So, we watched a movie. I felt worse when the movie ended. Yet, I asked one more time if she wanted to go for a walk as I struggled with the thought of ending my streak one day shy of 550 days. It took everything I had to make myself not go and I had to mentally convince myself that the streak wasn't as important as I had made it out to be. Finally, I let it go and went to bed.
I managed right at a year and a half. Today I feel even worse. But, as soon as I feel even remotely better, I will start again. Here's to a new streak...
I managed right at a year and a half. Today I feel even worse. But, as soon as I feel even remotely better, I will start again. Here's to a new streak...
219.4
It's a miracle! Despite our visit to Mi Ranchito's, I still lost .2. So, my mom is allowed to visit in the future!
Friday, September 9, 2011
219.6
With my mom coming to town and a visit to Mi Ranchito's on the horizon, it would have been safer to be at 215 going in to this weekend.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
YOU SUCK
As many of you know, and I may have even spoke of it here, I have an Excel spreadsheet where I have tracked my progress over the last year and a half. At one time, early on, it included my nutritional info, exercise, and weight. Lately, I have only been updating my daily weight. Well, as I gained weight, I added a column to the spreadsheet that compared my current weight against last year's weight on the same day. My goal was to try to be lower than last year. I knew I was getting close, but hoped I wouldn't be heavier than a year ago. The column does some math and then has a formula that returns the value "good" if I am still lower than the previous year. So, for the last six weeks or so, I have continued to see "good" in the column. I forgot what the value in the formula was if I was heavier. Well, today I entered in my weights for the last week and I found out. In bold capital letters, my spreadsheet said "YOU SUCK". On August 29, I weighed 1.6 more than last year. Then I was "good" over the next five days. I have sucked once again since September 4. In fact, it has been as high as a 6.6 pound difference. Well, the spreadsheet doesn't lie... even if it was kind of rude about it. Let's see how long it takes me to get back to "good".
220.6/222.0
Down 1.2 yesterday and then two business meetings with a slopper and sushi combo did me in. Stupid business meetings...
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
218.0/220.0/220.2/221.8
I am a fat pig! All of that willpower that I showed for over a year straight, has seemingly left me. I keep thinking it's still there... at least I tell myself that mentally. But, when I go to eat, it seems to cower in the corner afraid to battle my large and in charge appetite. My three day willpower streaks are met and exceeded by my three day binges. My stomach is back. My man boobs are back. My clothes fit me slightly uncomfortable. And, I walked around the state fair this weekend with that feeling of being way too stuffed... a feeling that I had tried to remove from my existence. The only place my willpower rears it's little head is when I go to exercise... which is a very good thing or this tale of woe could be even more depressing. But, don't give up on me or the blog! Today is a new day!
Friday, September 2, 2011
217.4
Better. Down 4.2 pounds! Thanks Deanne for the reprimand! I needed that. And congrats on the upcoming nuptials. Instead of 215, I am going to try for 210 by the wedding date. I need to look good at the wedding... oh wait, I wasn't invited! So, lose those last two for me... in fact, lose another for good measure. And, have an incredible day and wedding!
Thursday, September 1, 2011
219.8/221.8/221.4/220.4/221.6
These are not good days for me. After a good Friday, the weekend was brutal. What's worse is that I didn't even care and I knew what I was doing with myself. I think that's my biggest concern. There are days I am bad despite knowing I am being bad and feeling a little guilty about it. Saturday concerned me because I didn't even feel guilty. I just pigged out. As bad I was, I was still stunned by the almost 6 pounds gained and now I am reeling once again. Yesterday included a two hour bike ride and running at the club. My reward? A 1.2 pound weight gain! The numbers have been so bad that I haven't even wanted to post them here.
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