Monday, November 14, 2011

The Latest Bet, Promises Not Met, Not Done Yet, Time For A Reset

The Latest Bet - When I returned from my business trip to Chicago in early October, my friend, Will, and I made a bet.  While there have been a lot of things that have motivated me since early in 2010, betting has always been the one constant motivator even before the advent of this blog.  I have always loved betting people or joining contests at work because my competitiveness seems to always outweigh my desire to eat.  Of course, Will knows that about me because Will is exactly the same way.  After a couple of months of taunting me by saying he wanted my LiveStrong shirt as soon as I outgrew it, he decided to try motivating me with a bet.  Of course, I obliged.  Not just because I love betting on myself, but because I really needed something to kick me in the butt and get me motivated. 

So, we bet that LiveStrong shirt... the same LiveStrong shirt that I had won in a bet last year.  I love that LiveStrong shirt.  Not only because I like the look and colors, but because of what it represents to me.  It is a symbol of this entire journey to being healthy.  I didn't want to lose that shirt.  But, I really believed that it wasn't even a possibility.  And, just so you know, I don't really believe that Will wanted that shirt even though he had sent me 10+ e-mails about it.  Will only wanted to motivate an old friend when nothing else seemed to be working. 

I really didn't want Will to have to buy me a shirt either.  So, I came up with a bet that I felt was a compromise.  I was 232.4 on October 5.  If I broke 210 by November 3, I would win a new LiveStrong shirt.  If I broke 215, the bet would be a draw.  And, if I didn't break 215, I would send him my precious shirt.  I didn't really think that I had much of a chance to lose 22.6 pounds in four weeks.  But, I really believed I would break 215.

Sadly, this bet didn't work.  I got around the 225 mark on a couple of occasions.  I didn't stay there.  I finished the bet at 228... nowhere near the goal I had set.  Am I disappointed I lost the shirt?  Sure.  But, I am more disappointed that I let down my friend and I let down myself. 

Promises Not Met - I have always been an optimist.  I have yet to waver in my belief that the last few months are a temporary setback and I will be back to where I was earlier in the year soon.  And because of all of this good intent, I continue to make promises.  Those promises have not been met.  Shortly after her surgery, I promised my daughter that I would get busy.  I didn't.  I promised the readers of this blog on countless occasions that I would start writing again.  I didn't.  I promised myself and my brother that I would start using again.  I didn't.  I promised specifically that I would blog about the bet above on a couple of occasions.  I didn't.  I talked about how something felt different and I was back.  I wasn't.  I promised I would stay healthy in memory of my father.  I didn't.  I don't intend to lie.  I don't intend to fall short on my promises.  And, I hate myself when I don't live up to them... especially the one to Kelsea.  The only promise I have kept was a promise to myself that I would never buy new XL clothes, no matter how bad I looked in my current wardrobe... apologies to the people I work with. 

I promise to try harder.  lol...

Not Done Yet - If you've followed the blog, you know that one of my ultimate goals is to be in a before/after article in Men's Health.  I remember when I broke 200 thinking to myself that I now had to keep it off for a year.  I think MH prefers to include those individuals who have lost and maintained.  It would be embarassing to the magazine to publish the article and have someone heavy looking at their own picture in the magazine!  While I still remain healthier than I was at the beginning of 2010, I am not done yet!  Even when I was 198, I still wanted to change my body.  So, I will say it one more time... I am not done yet!

Time For A Reset - I don't want to be one of those people who lost a bunch of weight and then ended up gaining all or most of it back.  I am already heavier than I ever thought possible again.  I don't want to start 2012 and have regrets about 2011.  It isn't too late to end this year on a positive note.  On Sunday, I woke up at a new high of 234.  I am not going to dwell on it.  I am not going to be grumpy and sad.  I woke up today and decided it was time.  I reached out to my brother and promised at least three weeks of diligent tracking. 

I reset my weight on  That ticker on this blog has been lying to all of you for months.  I hated changing it because I never wanted people congratulating me for losing pounds that I had gained back.  But, enough time has gone by.  I need that update.  I need to write everything down.  I need that to stop showing 115 pounds when that is no longer a reality.

I worked hard at the gym tonight despite not feeling like I did when running six months ago.  I went back to music instead of listening to podcasts... way more motivating and a story for another day. I promise.  I smiled on the treadmill and got that old familiar chill that I had last year.  I think I had forgotten what that felt like.

I don't care that it is the holiday season.  It is time for a reset.  It is time to blog my weight every day and add some additional thoughts a few nights a week.  This is all part of what worked for me before and I am not afraid to admit that I need all of this.  I may always need all of this.  So, promise me you will keep reading, even if this blog lives on for many more years.  Here's to my reset...

Phase 4 - Starting Weight: 234.0, Day 1 - (0.2), Total - (0.2)

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