Down 20 Pounds! My New Inspiration

Okay, before you get too excited for me, I am not talking about myself.  After six weeks, my daughter Kelsea is down 20 pounds!  And, I actually find myself jealous of her will power.  I am so incredibly proud of her determination and hope that she motivates me to get busy again.  I thought my 25th anniversary would motivate me.  I thought a weight-loss contest at work would motivate me.  But, none of those things worked.  Let's hope Kelsea can.

This morning, Kelsea put on a shirt that Lori and I had bought her in Las Vegas earlier in the year.  That shirt never fit her... until today.  She was beaming that she could now wear her Beatles shirt and I was thrilled. 

Let's not confuse any pride I have in my daughter as being some Shallow Hal-like thought of wanting my daughter to be thinner.  I love my daughter... immensely.  I would love her at 300 pounds, love her now at the weight she is at, and will love her going forward when there is less of her to love.  I am proud that she is fighting this battle.  Those who struggle with their weight understand what I am talking about.  I am proud that she has changed the way she eats and rarely gives in to temptation.  I am proud that she has started to exercise regularly. I am proud because she has some personal goals in front of her and she looks like she is going to accomplish them.

Throughout Kelsea's health struggles over the last couple of years, I have watched it effect her weight and her confidence.  She had some weight to lose before this, but these struggles and the drugs, like steroids, made everything harder for her.  She started to lose confidence and it seemed like she was accepting a fate of not being healthy.  For me, my only sadness when I looked at her was knowing that she didn't understand how beautiful she was.  That she didn't understand how much people cared about her because of her incredible personality, sense of humor, and great soul.  I wanted her to get healthy so that she believed again that she was a beautiful person.  I wanted her to get healthy so that all of these troubling health issues weren't as prone to keep continuing.  I wanted her to take on each day with a renewed confidence.  And, having gone through this and having been somewhat successful, I knew what changing the exterior to match the interior meant. 

I hope that Kelsea continues to be successful.  I hope that she is able to do what she wants to do in the upcoming year... something that requires her to be fit.  I hope she meets her goals.  I mostly hope that she finds a place where she can smile each day, be happy and confident, and have a shell that matches all of the awesomeness that she holds inside.  Kelsea - You are a BEAUTIFUL KIND CARING FUNNY LOVING person.  And, I will love you whether you meet this goal or not.  Just know that I am proud of your effort.

By the way, I weighed 245.4 this morning.  Not great.  Not my worst.  In my hiatus, I got as high as 253.6... which actually makes my current weight sound not too bad.  It's all about perspective!  Hopefully, it won't take me 3 months to write my next entry.

247.8

Mi Ranchito's... 'nuff said.

Last Chance Phase, Day 23 - 3.4, Overall - 0.0, Pounds From Goal - 40.0, Days Remaining-47, Ahead (Behind) Pace - (9.2)

244.4

Down 1.8 pounds.  I only need 4 more days just like that to get myself back on pace. 

Last Chance Phase, Day 22 - (1.8), Overall - (3.4), Pounds From Goal - 36.6, Days Remaining-48, Ahead (Behind) Pace - (5.4)

246.2

Up .2 pounds... with no weekend as an excuse.

Last Chance Phase, Day 21 - 0.2, Overall - (1.6), Pounds From Goal - 38.4, Days Remaining-49, Ahead (Behind) Pace - (6.8)

244.8/246.0

If there were any other words to describe "disappointment" or "self-loathing", I would use them.  Unfortunately, I think I have used them all up.  Time to get out the thesaurus...

Last Chance Phase, Day 20 - 1.2, Overall - (1.8), Pounds From Goal - 38.2, Days Remaining-50, Ahead (Behind) Pace - (6.2)

243.6

After meeting friends for lunch at a "restaurant", I am happy about the .6 drop this morning.  Always a good feeling to eat out and still not gain.  It would help me mentally if I could not gain any weight over the weekend.  Maybe I could even start a new week under 240!

Last Chance Phase, Day 18 - (0.6), Overall - (4.2), Pounds From Goal - 35.8, Days Remaining-52, Ahead (Behind) Pace - (3.0)

244.2

Down .8 and at my lowest weight since March 23.  Come on Anthony, you can do this...

Last Chance Phase, Day 17 - (0.8), Overall - (3.6), Pounds From Goal - 36.4, Days Remaining-53, Ahead (Behind) Pace - (3.2)

246.0/246.0/248.2/249.2/248.2/247.8/245.0

From Friday
Up .8 pounds as I continue to struggle to find any momentum.  Once again, found myself at a restaurant eating too much food after being perfect throughout the day.  The worst part about this story is that it was a restaurant that I have never even liked.  Contrary to local opinion, I am not a fan of The Do Drop Inn and their pizza.  Too thick, too sweet, too slow, too bland for me.  So, when my mom mentioned that her and the girls were thinking of going there last night, I didn't balk at the suggestion.  In fact, I was trying not to eat too much for dinner and thought that going to a place I didn't like would be perfect.  Despite my plan, the pizza seemed a little better than normal and I still ended up eating too much food.  I went from only planning to eat a little salad to having a couple of slices of pizza... and a little sald.

From Today
My brother asked me in a text yesterday whether I had cracked the 250 barrier.  Well, not quite, but I flirted with it.  Once again, I had another crappy weekend and ended up gaining another 3.2 pounds by Monday morning and saw the scale say 249.2 for the second time in the last three weeks. That seemed to motivate me slightly and this has been a decent week.  This morning was a 2.8 pound loss from yesterday and I found myself down 4.2 since Monday.  I need a good weekend because I really feel that breaking the 240 barrier again will help.

 Last Chance Phase, Day 16 - (2.8), Overall - (2.8), Pounds From Goal - 37.2, Days Remaining-54, Ahead (Behind) Pace - (3.6)

245.2

A little better day, down 1.6 pounds.

Last Chance Phase, Day  9 - (1.6), Overall - (2.6), Pounds From Goal - 37.4, Days Remaining-61, Ahead (Behind) Pace - (1.0)

246.8

I continue to disappoint myself on a daily basis.  It really comes down to one thing... being better when I eat out.  I am exercising most nights.  I am eating good at work and when I am home.  My only downfall is that I can't seem to show the same discipline when I eat out that I demonstrated when I was doing so well.  Over the last 8 days, I have had Ianne's pizza, Popeye's Chicken, Shorty's, Nacho's (twice), The Sunset Inn, and leftover Olive Garden.  Come on man!

Last Chance Phase, Day  8 - 0.8, Overall - (1.0), Pounds From Goal - 39.0, Days Remaining-62, Ahead (Behind) Pace - (2.2)

246.0

Down .6 pounds.  After skipping the gym, I will take it.

Last Chance Phase, Day  7 - (0.6), Overall - (1.8), Pounds From Goal - 38.2, Days Remaining-63, Ahead (Behind) Pace - (1.0)

244.4/246.2/246.6

Disappointing weekend that included a slopper at The Sunset... combined with fries... and a few more fries from Rita's plate... and a few more fries and a little more slopper from my mom's plate... and a little more green chile from Lori's plate... oh, and a side of green chile which I usually need but didn't this time... and the tortilla that came with that side of chile.  : (

The only good thing about the weekend is that I actually said no to the popcorn I was craving so badly at the movie theatre on Saturday night.  I guess it could have been worse.

Last Chance Phase, Day  6 - 0.4, Overall - (1.2), Pounds From Goal - 38.8, Days Remaining-64, Ahead (Behind) Pace - (1.2)

243.0

Down .6 pounds and down for the third straight day.  I am currently ahead of my .4 per day pace by 3.6 with a total of 4.8 through three days.  Today will be a challenge with a lunch with friends and pizza dinner with my mom and family.

Last Chance Phase, Day  3 - (0.6), Overall - (4.8), Pounds From Goal - 35.2, Days Remaining-67, Ahead (Behind) Pace - 3.6

243.6

Two days in and two days down!  Down another 1.0 this morning.

Last Chance Phase, Day  2 - (1.0), Overall - (4.2), Pounds From Goal - 35.8, Days Remaining-68

244.6

Great start to this comeback phase of my journey.  Down 3.2 pounds after a really good day of eating and exercise.  36.8 more to go over the next 69 days!

Last Chance Phase, Day  1-(3.2), Overall-(3.2), Pounds From Goal-36.8, Days Remaining-69

I'm Back!

As much as it has seemed that way over the last couple of months, this blog is not yet dead.  Unfortunately, I don't have any good news to share with you.  I have continued my roller coaster ride as I slowly climb upwards in weight.  I realize now that I am not strong enough to do this without this blog.  Without an exercise streak.  Without weekly goals.  Without sharing the numbers with you.

Way back in December, I stopped posting my weight.  I was too embarassed by what I saw on the morning of December 26 and decided to just post the changes.  What a sissy!  Without typing those numbers, without feeling embarassed, without sharing, this blog was useless.  I weight 246.0 that day, which at the time was my highest weight since June 25, 2010.  I hovered between that weight and 238.2 over the next six weeks.  I even had a four day streak where I lost weight every day, a first in a very long time.

But, right after that streak, Lori and I went to Las Vegas.  I didn't show the same control I had the last time we went to Las Vegas.  We eveb went to a buffet.  But, until the last day, I felt like I had walked enough to offset any of the bad food and drink.  That was before we made our way to The Carengi Deli and ate the Woody Allen... a giant pastrami and corned beef sandwich!  When I finished with my half, I couldn't have been too far from the meat sweats!  That sandwich sat in my stomach like a lump and returned to Pueblo with me.  My weight upon our return was 5.4 pounds higher than when I left and just under my high mentioned above.

Nothing changed, and on February 6, I saw another new high of 247.6 and was stunned.  That seemed to wake me up.  Combined with a recognition award from Kroger (of which I will talk more about later), it seemed to be what I needed and over the next couple of weeks, I lost 11.2 pounds.  I also lost weigh for 10 straight days and was feeling good about my choices.

Sadly, that wasn't it and I started gaining slowly once again.  I left for a business trip and subsequent trip to San Diego to move my son at 244.6.  Nothing changed on either of those trips and I found myself almost breaking the 250 mark at 249.2.  And, it showed.  And, I could feel it.  I was down to 243.8 by Saturday.

This morning, I was saddened when I saw 247.8.  Not my high, but extremely close and the second highest number I have seen in almost two years!  I told myself no more... but, I don't have near the confidence I had a few months ago.  What I do have is you.  What I do have is this blog.  What I do have is that sickening feeling I felt when I saw my brother last week and was embarassed by how I look.  What I do have is a limited wardrobe as I stubbornly refuse to buy new clothes.

I think this is my last chance to turn this around before I let myself go back to the way I was.  I don't want to be that person again.  I don't want to hate myself again.  I am dangerously close.  My goal is to lose 40 pounds over the next 10 weeks.  Here's to one more chance...

Last Chance, Starting Weight - 247.8
 

Down 3.0 Pounds

I was up 2.0 pounds on Saturday.  I followed that up with losses of .6, .2, and 3.0 over the last three days.  That puts me at 8.6 pounds lower than my high and at my lowest since December 11, or almost a month!  Still haven't made the drastic changes to get me completely on track.  But, I am happy with the subtle changes and the slow movement in the downward direction.

Up 1.4 Pounds

Not happy about it... but, I am still posting it.

Down 3.0 Pounds

Okay, so I have noticed I have developed  a rather annoying little habit.  I definitely seem to post more when I am losing weight.  For some reason, I just "seem" so much busier whenever I have gained weight and just can't find the time.  Of course, it's not like this is some great discovery about human nature.  The problem is that it is not good for accountibility.  The purpose of the blog was to write about those bad days so that they weren't repeated.

My New Year's Pary was a little worse than expected, as you can see by the numbers below.  A little more food and drink than I had planned... curse you Matt!  But, while I am not where I wanted to be today, I am still in a much better place than 11 days ago, having lost 8.2 pounds in that period.  Here are the January fluctuations...

January 1 - Up 3.4
January 2 - Down .8
January 3 - Up 1.2
January 4 - Down 1.2
January 5 - Down 3.0

Down 2.0 Pounds

Nice.  Down 7.8 pounds since Monday.  Now I only need to minimize the damage from the party I am going to tonight.  I am good if I gain a little weight.  I am just trying to avoid one of those 5 or 6 pound nightmares.  If I can get through tonight relatively unscathed, then I might have a chance at a 10 pound week.