Down 2.0 Pounds

Nice.  Down 7.8 pounds since Monday.  Now I only need to minimize the damage from the party I am going to tonight.  I am good if I gain a little weight.  I am just trying to avoid one of those 5 or 6 pound nightmares.  If I can get through tonight relatively unscathed, then I might have a chance at a 10 pound week.

Down 2.8 Pounds

I made up for missing the club on Wednesday night by going last night and again this morning.  Nice start to my Friday.  Down 5.8 pounds since Monday morning.  If I can get through the New Year's Eve party relatively unscathed, maybe I can start gaining a little momentum.

Up 2.0 Pounds

That's what happens when I skip exercising.  I want so badly to string together a week's worth of days where my weight decreases on every one.

Down 2.6 Pounds

I would  love nothing more than to string together about 10 straight days of going down in weight.  Down 5 pounds in the two days post-Christmas.  I started back on myfitnesspal.com yesterday morning and then forgot about it the rest of the day.  Will try again today.  Really need to make that a habit again because it really does help.  So, since I am talking about...

Down 2.4 Pounds

Wow!  Has it really been two weeks since I last posted.  I imagine you can guess that those two weeks haven't been that good based on my lack of posts.  I do have a tendency to write more when I am feeling better. 

So, today's drop may look good on the surface.  But, I must confess that it comes a day after seeing a new high and is not as exciting as it sounds.  I am still not telling you that new high... yet.  Since the highest weight I have posted on this blog over the last month was 240.6, I can tell you that it was higher than that.  Since I have said I have posted two new highs since then, you can assume I was at least 241.0 yesterday.  And, you would be on the low end.

Well, only one more holiday left to use as an excuse.  After next Sunday, I will no longer have an excuse for my bad behaviour.  What will I blame this on then? 

Down .2

Not good.  But, still lower.  Down 6.2 in 3 days.  Starting back on myfitnesspal.com this morning.

Down 2 Pounds!

Still not telling.  Down another 2 pounds (yes, an even 2 after an even 4).  Down 6 pounds in two days.  That's a good thing.  I can actually breathe again when I put on my pants...

Down 4 Pounds!

So, again, I am not telling you my weight.  I do plan on sharing my weight again...If I can actually string together any kind of success.  Today was a good morning after the horror of yesterday morning.  Despite that, I am done talking about "phases".  Done talking about "momentum".  Done talking about "getting back on track".  Done pretending that what I saw yesterday has "scared me straight".  We will know what kind of impact yesterday had on me in a couple of weeks.  We will see what that number is after all of the holiday parties, Christmas meal, and New Year's celebration.  We shall see...

I'm Not Telling!

Kind of like that kid who is losing and decides to take their ball home.  I did weigh this morning.  But, I am not sharing that weight with you because my fingers can not physically type that number.  Suffice it to say that it is a new high.  After a good-bye lunch with my Mom at a Chinese buffet followed by a steak dinner last night, I knew it was going to be painful.  I may type it another day if I end up putting this behind me.  But, for now, I am not sharing.

Oh, by the way, before this morning, the weekend was just okay.  Since Friday's weight of 237.8, I went 237.6, 237.2, and 237.6. 

Down 2.8 Pounds!

So, that's the good news!  After celebrating my son's graduation from college at Texas Roadhouse on Wednesday night and subsequently seeing a number yesterday that made me want to break down in tears, I came in to the office and disposed of all of the salty snacks, candy and junk food in my desk drawers.  I avoided the popcorn.  I skipped the soda.  And, the result above was my immediate reward.

So, where have I been, you ask?  Well, when I was young I was always taught that if you had nothing nice to say about someone then don't say anything at all.  Well, since my post on Thanksgiving morning, I have had absolutely nothing positive to say about Anthony Marinucci.  In fact, most of what I wanted to say about myself would be inappropriate for a family-friendly blog.  The phrase "spiralling out of control" hardly does it any justice.  Here are the numbers...

My last post (Thanksgiving morning) - 229.0
11/25 - N/A, after pigging out on Thanksgiving, I actually couldn't bear to step on the scale!
11/26 - 233.2
11/27 - 233.4
11/28 - 236.0
11/29 - 235.0
11/30 - 236.2
12/1 - 235.8
12/2 - 235.0
12/3 - 234.2
12/4 - 235.0
12/5 - 237.2
12/6 - 236.8
12/7 - 237.8
12/8 - 240.6
Today - 237.8

Over that time frame, I continued to set new highs that I never thought I would see again.  And, each time, I would think to myself, "no more".  So, instead of being close to 220 where I hoped to be, I gained 11.6 pounds.  I need an intervention...

I found myself watching The Biggest Loser and being skeptical when the contestants were looking back at where they had started and each of them said they would "never" go back to that again.  Like a jerk, I assumed my lack of willpower was shared by all of these contestants.  As if none of them would have the strength to stay at a lower weight just because I have failed. 

So, once again, I apologize to a long list.  I apologize to those who care about me who get to read how ugly this journey has turned and not be able to do anything about it.  I apologize to my brother who I made a promise to that I would use myfitnesspal.com... a promise that lasted three days.  I apologize to all of the people who I still run in to that say I look great when I then curse them in my head because I don't want to accept those compliments.  I apologize for not writing in this blog when I have so much to say.  I apologize to my stomach each morning when I put on pants that are getting dangerously close to not fitting while still vowing not to buy any bigger clothes.  I apologize to my knees that had been so happy for months and now ache ever so slightly because of the extra 40 pounds. 

And, I start over once again with complete faith that this is the turning point... seeing 240 scared the crap out of me. 

Happy Thanksgiving! (229.0)

There it is.  I start my Thanksgiving weekend at 229 with the goal of being that or lower by Monday morning.  Down 2.2 from yesterday and, once again, under 230.  I wish all of you a Happy Thanksgiving!  Travel safe and don't eat too much!

Phase 4 Status: Day 11 - (2.2), Total - (5.0)

231.2

Second verse same as the first [stolen from Mindy Erickson].

Phase 4 Status: Day 10 - 0.4, Total - (2.8)

229.0/228.8/229.8/232.8/230.8

Just when I think I am back in a groove, I fall back off the wagon.  Worked until 2 AM late Thursday night and  then got up at 5:30 AM for a long day at work.  That long day kept me from the blog and myfitnesspal.com and all of a sudden a weekend had passed and I had done neither.  Combine that with celebrating my daughter's 21st birthday at Mi Ranchito's and a whole week of hard work was wasted in a blink of an eye.  The only good news is that I started Monday down 1 pound from last Monday!  Today is 2 pounds better than that.

Phase 4 Status: Day 9 - (2.0), Total - (3.2)

228.8

Not a great day.  But, I did manage to not go back over 230.  Down .4.

Phase 4 Status: Day 4 - (0.4), Total - (5.2)

229.2

Another good day.  Down 2.4 pounds.  And, HOPEFULLY, back under 230 for the last time!

Phase 4 Status: Day 3 - (2.4), Total - (4.8)

231.6

Okay.  Good start.  Down 2.2 pounds. Cautiously optimistic...

Phase 4 Status: Day 2 - (2.2), Total - (2.4)

The Latest Bet, Promises Not Met, Not Done Yet, Time For A Reset

The Latest Bet - When I returned from my business trip to Chicago in early October, my friend, Will, and I made a bet.  While there have been a lot of things that have motivated me since early in 2010, betting has always been the one constant motivator even before the advent of this blog.  I have always loved betting people or joining contests at work because my competitiveness seems to always outweigh my desire to eat.  Of course, Will knows that about me because Will is exactly the same way.  After a couple of months of taunting me by saying he wanted my LiveStrong shirt as soon as I outgrew it, he decided to try motivating me with a bet.  Of course, I obliged.  Not just because I love betting on myself, but because I really needed something to kick me in the butt and get me motivated. 

So, we bet that LiveStrong shirt... the same LiveStrong shirt that I had won in a bet last year.  I love that LiveStrong shirt.  Not only because I like the look and colors, but because of what it represents to me.  It is a symbol of this entire journey to being healthy.  I didn't want to lose that shirt.  But, I really believed that it wasn't even a possibility.  And, just so you know, I don't really believe that Will wanted that shirt even though he had sent me 10+ e-mails about it.  Will only wanted to motivate an old friend when nothing else seemed to be working. 

I really didn't want Will to have to buy me a shirt either.  So, I came up with a bet that I felt was a compromise.  I was 232.4 on October 5.  If I broke 210 by November 3, I would win a new LiveStrong shirt.  If I broke 215, the bet would be a draw.  And, if I didn't break 215, I would send him my precious shirt.  I didn't really think that I had much of a chance to lose 22.6 pounds in four weeks.  But, I really believed I would break 215.

Sadly, this bet didn't work.  I got around the 225 mark on a couple of occasions.  I didn't stay there.  I finished the bet at 228... nowhere near the goal I had set.  Am I disappointed I lost the shirt?  Sure.  But, I am more disappointed that I let down my friend and I let down myself. 

Promises Not Met - I have always been an optimist.  I have yet to waver in my belief that the last few months are a temporary setback and I will be back to where I was earlier in the year soon.  And because of all of this good intent, I continue to make promises.  Those promises have not been met.  Shortly after her surgery, I promised my daughter that I would get busy.  I didn't.  I promised the readers of this blog on countless occasions that I would start writing again.  I didn't.  I promised myself and my brother that I would start using myfitnesspal.com again.  I didn't.  I promised specifically that I would blog about the bet above on a couple of occasions.  I didn't.  I talked about how something felt different and I was back.  I wasn't.  I promised I would stay healthy in memory of my father.  I didn't.  I don't intend to lie.  I don't intend to fall short on my promises.  And, I hate myself when I don't live up to them... especially the one to Kelsea.  The only promise I have kept was a promise to myself that I would never buy new XL clothes, no matter how bad I looked in my current wardrobe... apologies to the people I work with. 

I promise to try harder.  lol...

Not Done Yet - If you've followed the blog, you know that one of my ultimate goals is to be in a before/after article in Men's Health.  I remember when I broke 200 thinking to myself that I now had to keep it off for a year.  I think MH prefers to include those individuals who have lost and maintained.  It would be embarassing to the magazine to publish the article and have someone heavy looking at their own picture in the magazine!  While I still remain healthier than I was at the beginning of 2010, I am not done yet!  Even when I was 198, I still wanted to change my body.  So, I will say it one more time... I am not done yet!

Time For A Reset - I don't want to be one of those people who lost a bunch of weight and then ended up gaining all or most of it back.  I am already heavier than I ever thought possible again.  I don't want to start 2012 and have regrets about 2011.  It isn't too late to end this year on a positive note.  On Sunday, I woke up at a new high of 234.  I am not going to dwell on it.  I am not going to be grumpy and sad.  I woke up today and decided it was time.  I reached out to my brother and promised at least three weeks of diligent myfitnesspal.com tracking. 

I reset my weight on myfitnesspal.com.  That ticker on this blog has been lying to all of you for months.  I hated changing it because I never wanted people congratulating me for losing pounds that I had gained back.  But, enough time has gone by.  I need that update.  I need to write everything down.  I need that to stop showing 115 pounds when that is no longer a reality.

I worked hard at the gym tonight despite not feeling like I did when running six months ago.  I went back to music instead of listening to podcasts... way more motivating and a story for another day. I promise.  I smiled on the treadmill and got that old familiar chill that I had last year.  I think I had forgotten what that felt like.

I don't care that it is the holiday season.  It is time for a reset.  It is time to blog my weight every day and add some additional thoughts a few nights a week.  This is all part of what worked for me before and I am not afraid to admit that I need all of this.  I may always need all of this.  So, promise me you will keep reading, even if this blog lives on for many more years.  Here's to my reset...

Phase 4 - Starting Weight: 234.0, Day 1 - (0.2), Total - (0.2)

230.6/233.6/231.2/234.0/233.8

Down .2 from my new starting weight of 234!  Woooo Hoooo!!!!!  lol.

229.0/227.0/229.4/230.6/229.6/229.8

This blog is on life support.  Time to revive it!

230.2/228.8/228.0

Just when I think I will never go back over 230, the Halloween potluck showed up and my appetite showed up with it.  I believe I consumed enough salt to kill a small horse.  Doing better since Monday.  But, I just can't seem to string together two straight weeks.  I imagine that now that my bet is finished (today), I will start taking off the weight!  Tonight, I promise, I will expand on the bet.