One week of P90X down, twelve to go. Actually, as of tonight, I am 8 days down with 82 to go! Last Monday, when we started, I wasn't sure what to expect so I skipped the club that first night. When I was done with that night, which was Back and Chest, my upper body was exhausted. But, I realized I kind of missed going to the club. As hard as P90X was, I didn't feel like I hadn't gotten enough cardio. The next day, not knowing what Plyometrics involved, I decided to hit the treadmill before coming home to Tony Horton. Well, Plyometrics turned out to be much more aerobic than Back and Chest was! I probably should have skipped the club. The next morning, Lori wanted to go to the club early because she had to work that night. So, I joined her for a half hour on the elliptical. I came home that night and decided I still wanted to hit the treadmill again. By the time I had finished Shoulders and Arms and Ab Ripper X, I had done over three hours of exercise that day!
Now, I don't know if Tony Horton would recommend that I do cardio every day on top of P90X. But, I can't help myself. I can't seem to keep myself away. Part of it is a fear that if I don't keep up what I have been doing, that I won't be in shape to tackle the 14ers I have planned for this summer. I keep thinking that P90X is a great mix, but not quite as much cardio as I would like to keep in my current condition. But, I think there is another part of me that just likes going to the club. I am addicted to it and I had a hard time skipping it last Monday. So, I decided to keep going every day and I have.
So, here's my week in review...
Monday - P90X-Chest & Back: 53 minutes, P90X-Ab Ribber X: 16
Tuesday - Treadmill: 64, P90X-Plyometrics: 59
Wednesday - Elliptical: 32, Treadmill: 52, P90X-Shoulders & Arms: 60, P90X-Ab Ribber X: 16Thursday - Treadmill: 63, P90X-Yoga X: 92
Friday - Treadmill: 58, P90X-Legs & Back: 59, P90X-Ab Ribber X: 16
Saturday - Treadmill: 64, P90X-Kenpo X: 59
Sunday - Treadmill:65, P90X-Stretch X: 58
Late Sunday, I realized I had exercised 14 hours and 46 minutes over the last week! I added an additional 2 hours and 13 minutes tonight! My body feels a little achy. And, today I felt the usual Monday morning blues. But, that's more likely the fact that I still can never go to bed at a reasonable hour on Sunday nights. I have felt good every other day since I started. Yes, I might be a little nutty in the head. But, that's my kind of week!
Here's to the second week of P90X feeling as good as the first...
Monday, January 31, 2011
199.4
Survived a Monday unscathed. One week of P90X in the bank and loving it!
TJWIGMFBAFANAD Status: Day 30 - no change, Total - (10.4)
TJWIGMFBAFANAD Status: Day 30 - no change, Total - (10.4)
Sunday, January 30, 2011
199.4
Nice... back under 200 and back over 10 pounds lost for the month.
TJWIGMFBAFANAD Status: Day 29 - (1.6), Total - (10.4)
TJWIGMFBAFANAD Status: Day 29 - (1.6), Total - (10.4)
Saturday, January 29, 2011
201.0
Down a little. Still hoping to get back under 200 by Tuesday... despite P90X.
TJWIGMFBAFANAD Status: Day 28 - (0.4), Total - (8.8)
TJWIGMFBAFANAD Status: Day 28 - (0.4), Total - (8.8)
Friday, January 28, 2011
201.4
Four days of P90X down! It's brutal. But, I wanted brutal, fully expected brutal, and that's what I got. So far, I love it. My body isn't overly sore, but I have a general achiness in all of my joints. But, I love that feeling! Bring on Day 5!
TJWIGMFBAFANAD Status: Day 27 - (0.4), Total - (8.4)
TJWIGMFBAFANAD Status: Day 27 - (0.4), Total - (8.4)
Thursday, January 27, 2011
201.8
Extremely surprising... and equally disheartening. I will pretend that it is somehow related to Day 3 of P90X and all of the weightlifting I did last night. My brother reminded me that this was possible. But, I am not sure that I would see it this quickly. So, now I am exhausted, sore, and grumpy!
TJWIGMFBAFANAD Status: Day 26 - 1.2, Total - (8.0)
TJWIGMFBAFANAD Status: Day 26 - 1.2, Total - (8.0)
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
200.6
I absolutely have to get back under 200 by February 1. Today was a good start.
TJWIGMFBAFANAD Status: Day 25 - (2.0), Total - (9.2)
TJWIGMFBAFANAD Status: Day 25 - (2.0), Total - (9.2)
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Do you feel thin...
... or do you mentally think of yourself as heavy still? That was the question my mom asked me last week in an e-mail. Great question! I hadn't given it much thought. That's not entirely true. I gave it some thought early on in this journey, even before I started seeing any success. But, I haven't thought of it since then as much as I had originally expected to. To answer the question... no, I no longer think of myself as heavy. I do think it takes a little longer to get out of that mindsight once you have been obese. I believe I continued to think of myself as obese, or at least very heavy, all the way until I broke 215 pounds. Not sure what the significance of 215 was, other than it being goal of mine over the last 10 years or so. I still felt overweight. But, I no longer felt like I was fat. When I broke 200, I stopped thinking of myself as overweight. I still know that I carry some extra weight in my stomach and chest. And, I am still working on that. But, I finally feel like I am at a "decent" weight for me. Do I feel thin? Well, no. I can't say that I feel thin. Let's see how the next 88 days of P90X go!
The reason my mom asked the question is because of all of the stories you read and see on television, specifically on The Biggest Loser, about people losing the weight but still struggling with mental issues. I have seen many contestants on Loser talk about not feeling worthy. I never felt that way, not even slightly. I have always felt like I deserved to be thinner. Many people who go through this journey talk about how unhappy they were. I certainly didn't like this part of my life. I was extremely angry and disappointed in myself. But, I could never say I was unhappy. I still lived a pretty happy life... I guess as happy as a 315 pound man could.
So, I'm not sure why I never struggled with these same feelings. Maybe I don't hang on to my "fat person" mindset because I never accepted it in the first place. I told you, even at 315 pounds, I still thought of myself as an athlete... even if I looked like an NFL lineman and less like a quarterback. I don't think I ever looked in the mirror and truly realized how bad it was. Maybe being slightly delusional is a good thing when it comes to weight loss journeys. In my head, I am finally getting close to matching how I looked at myself all of these years. Maybe it is easier because I was thinner when I was younger. Not sure, but I am guessing a lot of the people who struggle with being thin were never thin at any point in their life that they can remember. Lucky for me, that's all I remembered!
I guess having to get under 215 to not feel obese might actually indicate that I struggled with some of these feelings more than I am letting on. I do know that I still have really ugly moments where I feel like I am eating as I did a year ago and it concerns me. At those moments, for a split second, I do feel fat again. I see an image of that man in the mirror I disliked so much and it gives me a sick feeling in my gut... or maybe that's from the fatty foods I have just eaten. The good news is that these moments are fleeting and I don't let them become trends. The good news is that I react positively to these moments and let them motivate me further.
Here's to always believing you are deserving of anything you have worked hard for...
Oh, by the way, 202.6 this morning.
TJWIGMFBAFANAD Status: Day 24 - (0.4), Total - (7.2)
The reason my mom asked the question is because of all of the stories you read and see on television, specifically on The Biggest Loser, about people losing the weight but still struggling with mental issues. I have seen many contestants on Loser talk about not feeling worthy. I never felt that way, not even slightly. I have always felt like I deserved to be thinner. Many people who go through this journey talk about how unhappy they were. I certainly didn't like this part of my life. I was extremely angry and disappointed in myself. But, I could never say I was unhappy. I still lived a pretty happy life... I guess as happy as a 315 pound man could.
So, I'm not sure why I never struggled with these same feelings. Maybe I don't hang on to my "fat person" mindset because I never accepted it in the first place. I told you, even at 315 pounds, I still thought of myself as an athlete... even if I looked like an NFL lineman and less like a quarterback. I don't think I ever looked in the mirror and truly realized how bad it was. Maybe being slightly delusional is a good thing when it comes to weight loss journeys. In my head, I am finally getting close to matching how I looked at myself all of these years. Maybe it is easier because I was thinner when I was younger. Not sure, but I am guessing a lot of the people who struggle with being thin were never thin at any point in their life that they can remember. Lucky for me, that's all I remembered!
I guess having to get under 215 to not feel obese might actually indicate that I struggled with some of these feelings more than I am letting on. I do know that I still have really ugly moments where I feel like I am eating as I did a year ago and it concerns me. At those moments, for a split second, I do feel fat again. I see an image of that man in the mirror I disliked so much and it gives me a sick feeling in my gut... or maybe that's from the fatty foods I have just eaten. The good news is that these moments are fleeting and I don't let them become trends. The good news is that I react positively to these moments and let them motivate me further.
Here's to always believing you are deserving of anything you have worked hard for...
Oh, by the way, 202.6 this morning.
TJWIGMFBAFANAD Status: Day 24 - (0.4), Total - (7.2)
Monday, January 24, 2011
P90X
Finally, I began P90X tonight! Actually, WE began P90X tonight. I had always planned on waiting until I broke 200 to start. But then, in November, my brother asked if I would be willing to start early so that we could do it together. By together, I mean in spirit only as my brother lives in San Diego. It was intended to provide moral support and encouragement... and a little brotherly motivation. But, from the time we agreed to start a couple of weeks later up until the time that those same two weeks had passed, my brother got impatient and started it on his own. Since he didn't wait, I decided to stick to my original plan and wait until I saw 190-something.
Sometime after that, my brother must have stopped doing the program. Not sure when that happened. He never brought it up again and I never asked. When I finally broke 200 almost two weeks ago, he and I once again made a pact to start the program. That was last Monday. Due to some technical difficulties, I wasn't ready to start on Monday. Frank insisted that it just made sense that we start on a Monday. So, we were once again delayed by a week.
Now, I have to tell you that as excited as I have been about starting P90X, I have also felt a slight trepidation hidden in the shadows of that excitement. I was worried that I couldn't handle it... or maybe that I didn't want to handle it. I was worried about my knee... a knee that, while markedly improved compared to a year ago, is still and will never be 100%. I was worried about my stomach. While I have done some ab work over the last 10 months, it has still been minimal. I still find myself a little paranoid about working my stomach too hard ever since my surgery three and a half years ago.
And, I was right to worry. P90X is a bitch! I don't think Tony Horton intended this program for out-of-shape 46 year old born-again athletes. I don't think it was meant for guys with bum knees and resectioned colons. My knee bothered me enough that I had to pull out the knee brace. I couldn't do everything on that DVD. But, I didn't quit. And, I won't quit. I will put a different DVD in every night and I will keep doing whatever I can until I can do no more. I think if Tony saw me a year ago, he would have been fine with my effort tonight... even if I still kind of felt like a loser.
The "we" doesn't include just my brother either. My wife, Lori, wanted to attempt it as well and was there in the living room struggling through each exercise with me! What a great feeling to have both my wife and my brother going through this pain and torture at the same time. Makes it that much easier. And, as far as I can tell, Lori is planning to be by my side tomorrow night as well. Right Lori?
The final "before" and "after" pictures from my journey will have to wait. Now that I have started this, the Day 90 photos will have to be used rather than the Day 1 photos taken tonight. I promise you are only about 13 weeks away from seeing those nasty "before" captures. Hang in there.
One day down, 89 to go! Here's to Tony Horton and his madness...
Sometime after that, my brother must have stopped doing the program. Not sure when that happened. He never brought it up again and I never asked. When I finally broke 200 almost two weeks ago, he and I once again made a pact to start the program. That was last Monday. Due to some technical difficulties, I wasn't ready to start on Monday. Frank insisted that it just made sense that we start on a Monday. So, we were once again delayed by a week.
Now, I have to tell you that as excited as I have been about starting P90X, I have also felt a slight trepidation hidden in the shadows of that excitement. I was worried that I couldn't handle it... or maybe that I didn't want to handle it. I was worried about my knee... a knee that, while markedly improved compared to a year ago, is still and will never be 100%. I was worried about my stomach. While I have done some ab work over the last 10 months, it has still been minimal. I still find myself a little paranoid about working my stomach too hard ever since my surgery three and a half years ago.
And, I was right to worry. P90X is a bitch! I don't think Tony Horton intended this program for out-of-shape 46 year old born-again athletes. I don't think it was meant for guys with bum knees and resectioned colons. My knee bothered me enough that I had to pull out the knee brace. I couldn't do everything on that DVD. But, I didn't quit. And, I won't quit. I will put a different DVD in every night and I will keep doing whatever I can until I can do no more. I think if Tony saw me a year ago, he would have been fine with my effort tonight... even if I still kind of felt like a loser.
The "we" doesn't include just my brother either. My wife, Lori, wanted to attempt it as well and was there in the living room struggling through each exercise with me! What a great feeling to have both my wife and my brother going through this pain and torture at the same time. Makes it that much easier. And, as far as I can tell, Lori is planning to be by my side tomorrow night as well. Right Lori?
The final "before" and "after" pictures from my journey will have to wait. Now that I have started this, the Day 90 photos will have to be used rather than the Day 1 photos taken tonight. I promise you are only about 13 weeks away from seeing those nasty "before" captures. Hang in there.
One day down, 89 to go! Here's to Tony Horton and his madness...
203.0
Another even pound. One week to go. Need to push that number back up to 10 pounds at least and finish under 200.
TJWIGMFBAFANAD Status: Day 23 - 1.0, Total - (6.8)
TJWIGMFBAFANAD Status: Day 23 - 1.0, Total - (6.8)
Sunday, January 23, 2011
201.0 / 202.0
That's my weekend, and the last week, in a nutshell. This week has felt like a celebration week for me. Time to get busy again. I need January to be as good as it started. The last week starts tomorrow.
TJWIGMFBAFANAD Status: Day 21 - (1.8), Total - (8.8)
TJWIGMFBAFANAD Status: Day 22 - 1.0, Total - (7.8)
TJWIGMFBAFANAD Status: Day 21 - (1.8), Total - (8.8)
TJWIGMFBAFANAD Status: Day 22 - 1.0, Total - (7.8)
Friday, January 21, 2011
202.8
A brief summary of January to put my eating habits in perspective...
Day 1 - Lost 2.0 pounds
Day 2 - Gained 3.6 pounds
Days 3-15 - Lost 13.4 pounds
Days 16-20 - Gained 4.8 pounds
Seriously Anthony?! You can't string together one entire month without falling back in to your gluttonous ways?! Stupid potluck. So, does this mean I get balloons and congratulations again when I go back under 200?
TJWIGMFBAFANAD Status: Day 20 - 1.8, Total - (7.0)
Day 1 - Lost 2.0 pounds
Day 2 - Gained 3.6 pounds
Days 3-15 - Lost 13.4 pounds
Days 16-20 - Gained 4.8 pounds
Seriously Anthony?! You can't string together one entire month without falling back in to your gluttonous ways?! Stupid potluck. So, does this mean I get balloons and congratulations again when I go back under 200?
TJWIGMFBAFANAD Status: Day 20 - 1.8, Total - (7.0)
Thursday, January 20, 2011
201.0
Like I said, yesterday was not a good day. Today the office is having a potluck. So, today won't be too much better. I think what bothers me most yesterday is the breakfast burrito I ate. I still maintain that I am perfectly okay having exceptions. But, they should at least be EXCEPTIONAL! I hate when I waste calories on average food. After I ate the burrito which I barely enjoyed... though I kept eating it... I grabbed the package so that I could enter the nutritional info in to myfitnesspal.com. I wanted to cry when I read it was 610 calories! There are a lot of 600 calorie items out there that I crave and love. This burrito was not one of them. At least I can say that the calories I have consumed today were worth it! There was some mighty fine stuff in that potluck. Alright, tomorrow I get my focus back once again.
TJWIGMFBAFANAD Status: Day 19 - 2.0, Total - (8.8)
TJWIGMFBAFANAD Status: Day 19 - 2.0, Total - (8.8)
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
199.0
Note to self... just because you broke 200 doesn't mean you are done. Those pounds go back on a lot quicker than they come off. Two straight days with too many extra calories. I have always said that I am okay with having exceptions for those things I love. But today, I ate something that was average at best and very high in calories. Shame on me...
TJWIGMFBAFANAD Status: Day 18 - 0.4, Total - (10.8)
TJWIGMFBAFANAD Status: Day 18 - 0.4, Total - (10.8)
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
199.4
Oops. A little too close to going back over 200.
TJWIGMFBAFANAD Status: Day 16 - 1.4, Total - (10.4)
TJWIGMFBAFANAD Status: Day 16 - 1.4, Total - (10.4)
Sunday, January 16, 2011
198.0... 115 Pounds Lost!
Another good day and another .8 pounds lost. Hard to believe that ten months in and 115 pounds later that I could still be losing weight at the pace I have over the last two weeks... 13.4 pounds in 13 days! Still proves my theory that my plateau wasn't a plateau at all... simply me being my dumb self. When I stick to the plan, good things happen.
TJWIGMFBAFANAD Status: Day 15 - (0.8), Total - (11.8)
TJWIGMFBAFANAD Status: Day 15 - (0.8), Total - (11.8)
Saturday, January 15, 2011
198.8
No change. And, I am still thrilled. Yesterday, I went to lunch with my department to celebrate a birthday... with a side celebration of my weight loss. The place was the Sunset Inn. Let me remind you that I have not had a green chile slopper in about a year! The 'Set is one of the places that I took out of my restaurant rotation despite loving their food. I know my weaknesses and so I just stayed away. The birthday boy said to me, "So, are you probably just going to eat a salad?"... in that tone of disgust when people really want you to be bad just this once. I said no... and he gave me a fist bump and a smile. I may have exhibited some unknown-to-me willpower over the last 10 months. But, I am no robot. I was having the slopper damnit!
For those of you who read this blog and do not live in Pueblo. The slopper is a cheeseburger in a bowl smothered in green chile. Of course, if you are not from Pueblo then you may also not know what green chile is. And if so, I feel some sadness for you. I don't get the regular hamburger slopper off of the menu. My buddy and I order it with the Italian sausage instead of the hamburger, adding even more kick. We also skip the top bun, which is mainly because it's too much bread for me soaking up all of that green chile. But, that works nicely now since it saves me a few starchy calories. The final change to the order is that we ask for the french fries on top of the sandwich so that they get doused in the green chile as well. It is close to heaven. And to be honest, the whole special order came from my friend Russ. While I still believe that Coors' Tavern would win if you had a vote taken in Pueblo, I am a Sunset fan and agree with the Food Wars television show panel who voted the Sunset Inn as the best slopper joint in town.
The lunch was incredible as always. Not sure how long it will be until I have another. But, it was worth the wait. And, the best part of this whole post is this... I did not gain any weight. With a small dinner and a good workout, I remain the same. I would have been okay with a few tenths. Just didn't want to go back over 200.
TJWIGMFBAFANAD Status: Day 14 - 0.0, Total - (11.0)
For those of you who read this blog and do not live in Pueblo. The slopper is a cheeseburger in a bowl smothered in green chile. Of course, if you are not from Pueblo then you may also not know what green chile is. And if so, I feel some sadness for you. I don't get the regular hamburger slopper off of the menu. My buddy and I order it with the Italian sausage instead of the hamburger, adding even more kick. We also skip the top bun, which is mainly because it's too much bread for me soaking up all of that green chile. But, that works nicely now since it saves me a few starchy calories. The final change to the order is that we ask for the french fries on top of the sandwich so that they get doused in the green chile as well. It is close to heaven. And to be honest, the whole special order came from my friend Russ. While I still believe that Coors' Tavern would win if you had a vote taken in Pueblo, I am a Sunset fan and agree with the Food Wars television show panel who voted the Sunset Inn as the best slopper joint in town.
The lunch was incredible as always. Not sure how long it will be until I have another. But, it was worth the wait. And, the best part of this whole post is this... I did not gain any weight. With a small dinner and a good workout, I remain the same. I would have been okay with a few tenths. Just didn't want to go back over 200.
TJWIGMFBAFANAD Status: Day 14 - 0.0, Total - (11.0)
Friday, January 14, 2011
198.8
The biggest fear the morning after weighing in under 200 is gaining just enough to go back over that barrier. Not that it would be the end of the world, but I really don't want to see it again... even once. Had another bad feeling this morning. Unwarranted, obviously. But, I guess I am being cautiously pessimistic. Glad to see that I was down another .8 pounds... that's 12.6 over the last 11 days! Maybe I can lose enough by next week so that I can celebrate like normal people... with a big fattening lunch! Some things never change...
I wanted to give a big THANK YOU to Doug and Cassandra Naylon for all of their support and the nice plant they sent yesterday to congratulate me. In case you were wondering what you sent, the very descriptive card said "green plant". lol. But, it's really nice!
TJWIGMFBAFANAD Status: Day 13 - (0.8), Total - (11.0)
I wanted to give a big THANK YOU to Doug and Cassandra Naylon for all of their support and the nice plant they sent yesterday to congratulate me. In case you were wondering what you sent, the very descriptive card said "green plant". lol. But, it's really nice!
TJWIGMFBAFANAD Status: Day 13 - (0.8), Total - (11.0)
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Thank You!
Let me start by saying thanks! Thanks to everyone who follows this blog, has supported me on Facebook, sent me e-mails of encouragment, or had kind words over the last ten months. Much is written and talked about regarding the negatives of the internet. But, the positive power of social networking can be a great thing. I am not sure I could have done this without this blog and without Facebook. Ten years ago, I would not have received the positive feedback that I needed to be successful. So, thanks again to every one of you. I wish I could list each of your names individually on this site. Your support has been truly amazing!
The picture says it all. Well, actually, that blurry picture doesn't say as much as it should. Too bad I couldn't have a real photographer around to help me this morning! Not sure if it was me shaking with excitment, deliriously tired from not getting enough sleep, or the camera's struggle to find something to focus on, but that picture sucks. No matter. The only thing that counts is that the number begins with a "1" and not a "2". Again, for the first time in 16-17 years, I am under 200 pounds. I usually delete blurry pics immediately. But, I think I will probably save this one!
This morning, I wrote the words "Finally!". Later, I thought to myself that those words weren't fair to myself. I think being so close for the last two months made it feel that way. It seemed like I was going to get there at any time and then I would sabotage myself again. I had become a little more anxious about the prospect of hitting my goal and even started doubting myself a little bit. I think that's where that word came from. But, after losing 113 pounds in 10 months, it hardly seems appropriate to use the words "finally". If you told me in March that it would take me two years to get here, I would have been more than content. So, I apologize to myself. Please strike those words from my earlier blog.
I didn't cry this morning. I have cried on many mornings, both on the scale and in front of the mirror. Six months ago, I would have guaranteed you that I would cry the morning I broke this barrier. But, I think there was a sense of inevitability this week. I was pretty confident that today would be the day. I haven't slept well this week and it was even worse last night. I woke up extremely exhausted. I wanted so badly not to have to go to the club this morning that I think I actually felt more relief than excitement when I saw that number. Maybe tonight I will finally get some sleep.
I took the photo and then I crawled back in to bed... anxious to go back to sleep for another hour. Not sure what made me think that I would be capable of falling back to sleep. My excitement was overwhelming! I sat there thinking about calling my brother, mother, father, sisters, and kids. I thought of telling my friends at work who have helped me so much along this journey. I thought of how I couldn't believe what I had just seen. In the end, I thought of everything but falling asleep again. I should have gone to the club...
Shortly after getting to work, I received flowers and balloons with a "Congratulations" balloon on top. Lori had sent me a note telling me how proud she was of me. I managed to hold in the emotions when I was standing on that scale, but that little note from my wife was the straw that broke the camel's back. It was bound to come out eventually I suppose. I cried when I read that note. Thanks Lori for the note and being there every single day for me!
The other thing that touched me was the text message I received from Steve Garcia. He said he was at work and couldn't check the blog. But, he was so anxious to know if I had done it that he had to text me and ask! That made my day and I was thrilled to tell him yes. Steve and I have a mutual-inspiration thing going on. Thanks Steve!
Today felt like a birthday celebration. In fact, I may remember this day as my re-birthday. Now the next phase of my journey begins. Fortunately, the changes I have made are permanent. I don't see much, if anything, changing over the next year. In fact, I am doing better to start the new year then I have in a few months. I will continue trying to extend my streak. I can begin to work on these last few pounds and settling in to this new body. My brother and I, once again, plan to start P90x next week... a plan that was delayed once before.
Here's to Phase II of my journey...
The picture says it all. Well, actually, that blurry picture doesn't say as much as it should. Too bad I couldn't have a real photographer around to help me this morning! Not sure if it was me shaking with excitment, deliriously tired from not getting enough sleep, or the camera's struggle to find something to focus on, but that picture sucks. No matter. The only thing that counts is that the number begins with a "1" and not a "2". Again, for the first time in 16-17 years, I am under 200 pounds. I usually delete blurry pics immediately. But, I think I will probably save this one!
This morning, I wrote the words "Finally!". Later, I thought to myself that those words weren't fair to myself. I think being so close for the last two months made it feel that way. It seemed like I was going to get there at any time and then I would sabotage myself again. I had become a little more anxious about the prospect of hitting my goal and even started doubting myself a little bit. I think that's where that word came from. But, after losing 113 pounds in 10 months, it hardly seems appropriate to use the words "finally". If you told me in March that it would take me two years to get here, I would have been more than content. So, I apologize to myself. Please strike those words from my earlier blog.
I didn't cry this morning. I have cried on many mornings, both on the scale and in front of the mirror. Six months ago, I would have guaranteed you that I would cry the morning I broke this barrier. But, I think there was a sense of inevitability this week. I was pretty confident that today would be the day. I haven't slept well this week and it was even worse last night. I woke up extremely exhausted. I wanted so badly not to have to go to the club this morning that I think I actually felt more relief than excitement when I saw that number. Maybe tonight I will finally get some sleep.
I took the photo and then I crawled back in to bed... anxious to go back to sleep for another hour. Not sure what made me think that I would be capable of falling back to sleep. My excitement was overwhelming! I sat there thinking about calling my brother, mother, father, sisters, and kids. I thought of telling my friends at work who have helped me so much along this journey. I thought of how I couldn't believe what I had just seen. In the end, I thought of everything but falling asleep again. I should have gone to the club...
Shortly after getting to work, I received flowers and balloons with a "Congratulations" balloon on top. Lori had sent me a note telling me how proud she was of me. I managed to hold in the emotions when I was standing on that scale, but that little note from my wife was the straw that broke the camel's back. It was bound to come out eventually I suppose. I cried when I read that note. Thanks Lori for the note and being there every single day for me!
The other thing that touched me was the text message I received from Steve Garcia. He said he was at work and couldn't check the blog. But, he was so anxious to know if I had done it that he had to text me and ask! That made my day and I was thrilled to tell him yes. Steve and I have a mutual-inspiration thing going on. Thanks Steve!
Today felt like a birthday celebration. In fact, I may remember this day as my re-birthday. Now the next phase of my journey begins. Fortunately, the changes I have made are permanent. I don't see much, if anything, changing over the next year. In fact, I am doing better to start the new year then I have in a few months. I will continue trying to extend my streak. I can begin to work on these last few pounds and settling in to this new body. My brother and I, once again, plan to start P90x next week... a plan that was delayed once before.
Here's to Phase II of my journey...
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