242.4

With my .8 pound drop from yesterday, that puts me at 10.2 over the first two weeks.  I like that I am 10+ pounds down.  But I am disappointed that week 2 was only a pound.  Given the three "episodes" (as I will now call them) that I had, I guess I should take the pound and shut up.  I still find myself 2.2 pounds from my internal goal of 240 that I wanted for today.  The good news is that I am already a pound in front of next Friday's original goal and 2 pounds from the following week's goal.  Even better than that, despite what the scale shows, I have had three near-perfect days and I feel better already and my clothes are starting to fit better again.

Day 14 - (0.8), Overall - (10.2), Pounds To Break 220 - 22.6, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - 4.1

243.2

That's a little better.  Down 1.8 after another near-perfect day.  Would have been even happier had that not followed a 1 pound gain yesterday.  I won't get to 240 by tomorrow as I had hoped.  So, I will hope for something around 242 and still be thrilled!  Today's weight is my lowest since May 26 and puts me 3.7 ahead of my pace.

Day 13 - (1.8), Overall - (9.4), Pounds To Break 220 - 23.4, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - 3.7

245.0... WTF?!!!!!!

Over the last two and a half years, I have had plenty of surprises.  Days, like Monday, where I thought I would be up a pound or two and am only up .4.  Days where I feel like I have done pretty good and find myself exactly the same as the day before.  But, NEVER have I been as disappointed as I was this morning.  I had a perfect day yesterday.  My calories were low (possibly too low?), I lifted weights at lunch, rode my bike to the gym and back and around the neighborhood (25 minutes), and walked on the treadmill for 45 minutes.  I fully expected to not only lose weight, but to have one of those 2-3 pounds losses that would put me back on track to being 240 by Friday. Well, that hope was dashed this morning after gaining a pound.

Now, before you send me comments saying "don't give up", "maybe you put on muscle", "you need more calories", let me assure you that: 1) I will not give up and still feel good about what I am doing; 2) I have not gained any muscle yet and this theory is over-rated and over-used; and 3) I will be careful about my calories and up it a little bit.  Regarding that last sentence, I don't believe that the body goes in to starvation mode that quickly. 

I will just chalk it up to one of those days.  The weird thing is how well I can predict where I am going to be and how far off base I was this time.

Day 12 - 1.0, Overall - (7.6), Pounds To Break 220 - 25.2, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - 2.4

244.0

Down .2 from yesterday after eating a not-so-good lunch.  That means I have failed to eat well for the third time in four days.  Not good.  Today I will make amends before I lose any momentum.  I wanted to be under 240 by this Friday.  I now have left myself with only three days.

Day 11 - (0.2), Overall - (8.6), Pounds To Break 220 - 24.2, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - 3.8

244.2

Alright, so I start the new week .8 pounds up from Friday's weight.  Not the weekend I had hoped for.  But, not quite as damaging as weekends have been lately.  I have said this before, it's all about expectations.  After a great first half of the day, I had a horrible night.  I won't go in to details.  But, suffice it to say, I thought I was going to gain at least a couple of pounds and was dreading going back over 245.  I couldnt' believe the scale when I saw I had only gone up .4.  That was incredible news.  Message to the weight gods - I will reward you this week with hard work for being so kind to me this morning.

Day 10 - 0.4, Overall - (8.4), Pounds To Break 220 - 24.4, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - 4.0

243.8

Down .4 after an okay day.  Need to lose .6 by tomorrow so that I start my week lower than I ended the previous week.  If I can get through the weekends lower or close to my weight going in to the weekends, that will be a good omen.

Day 9 - (0.4), Overall - (8.8), Pounds To Break 220 - 24.0, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - 4.9

244.2

My punishment for free food was .8 pounds.  I guess it could have been worse.  Moving on...

Day 8 - 0.8, Overall - (8.4), Pounds To Break 220 - 24.4, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - 4.9

Stupid VIP Passes

One of the perks I left behind when I left Loaf 'N Jug was Colorado State Fair tickets.  It's not that I don't want to pay for the day or two when we might go the Fair and actually spend the day there.  It's just that Lori and I had gotten out of the habit of actually spending a whole day wondering around the Fair.  Instead, and because we had an admission pass for the entire length of the Fair, we would go over on a lot of nights for shorter periods of time.  Mostly, we just went for walks and did a lot of people watching.  We would walk for a couple of hours, catch up with friends we ran in to, watch the young kids in the Midway macking on one another, and laugh at all of the strange foods, stores, shows, and mostly the people.  But, I don't want to pay full price just to take walks.

It was also nice to get to see some of the shows that have come through the Fairgrounds.  I have enjoyed going back in time with Loverboy, Foreigner, and REO Speedwagon and getting a chance to see some of my new faves like Chris Daughtry.  The only thing that helped me not miss having a chance for concert tickets this year was the fact that I really didn't have a lot of interest in any of the shows this year.

So, I realized that my recent tradition of finding myself at the Fair on the opening night was coming to an end.  I got home from work tonight and checked Facebook quickly before heading to the club.  And, there it was.  A local restaurant, Feelin' A Little Philly Cheesesteaks, posted that they had two tickets to the Chris Young concert if anyone wanted them.  I asked Kelsea if she wanted to go.  Not because I love Chris Young.  I honestly don't know a single Chris Young song and only recently even heard the name.  But, I wanted to go to the Fair, I thought it would be nice to hang with my daughter, and I thought it would fun to see a rodeo.  Yes, I have never been to a rodeo... we are not all cowboys in Colorado. So, we picked up the tickets.  Thank you Feelin' A LIttle Philly Cheesesteaks for the generous offer (and I do frequent your restaurant... even have a punchcard!) and apologies to those two females out there who were dying to see Chris Young only to find out two people who just wanted something to do had already taken them.

The point of this long story?  Well, when we got the tickets, she said they were also VIP tickets and got us in to the VIP tent... with free food.  Yes, my nemesis, free food.  I had already had some tomatoes and mozzarella for dinner and was feeling pretty good.  But, it was free food.  So, I went through the line and got a little bit of everything.  In the end, I skipped over a lot of it and probably ate half my plate.  But, there was also chips and salsa on the table... my other nemesis.  I ate plenty of that.  And, as I took my last bite and drank my last drink of the beer I also had, the regret started sinking in.

So, I have shown some resolve at a couple of lunches and at an engagement party.  But, not so much tonight. Shame on me. The one thing I have never fixed even when I was losing weight was wanting to take advantage of free food.  That is embarassing to write.  But, maybe if I keep embarassing myself and admitting this, I will one day be able to break myself of this habit. 

After spending some time catching up with friends, including all of my favorite LNJ people, Kelsea and I walked briskly around the Fair for about 45 minutes.  I heard a couple of Chris Young songs and all I can say is that I am glad the girls find him cute, because that is just not the type of country I like (again, sorry to those two girls).  I got home and decided to make one last ditch effort to keep my streak of not gaining weight alive.  So, I went for a 25 minute bike ride.  I don't feel great.  I don't feel horrible.  But, I anxiously await tomorrow's news.

Here's to skipping the food at the VIP tent next time... scratch that, here's to skipping the entire concert and going to the club with my daughter instead and spending quality time there... and letting those two girls enjoy those tickets a little more than we would...

243.4... 9.2 Down After One Week!

Down 1.0 pound since yesterday and 9.2 down from last Friday!  The best part of yesterday was surviving another restaurant without gaining weight.  I chose Chipotle for my belated birthday lunch and got a chicken bowl.  Not as low as my typical work lunches.  But, not too bad.  And, it was excellent.

The best part of the day was last night when I mowed the lawn for 20 minutes, rode my bike for 30 minutes, and walked on the treadmill for 45.  That puts me 6.6 pounds ahead of pace after one week.  Even crazier is that I am already at the pace I established for myself two weeks from now!  This is the lowest I have been since May 26!

Day 7 - (1.0), Overall - (9.2), Pounds To Break 220 - 23.6, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - 6.1

244.4

 Back under 245!  Down 1.4 from yesterday.  As I said in my post last night, the last time I was under 245 was June 26, or 58 days ago.  Still hard to believe.  My next barrier, 240, was even longer ago.  The good news is that the jump from 240 to 245 took a lot longer than many of the previous jumps.  That last happened on February 29!  So, I have been 240+ for six months.  That's depressing.

Now, I work on figuring out a place to go eat with my friends for my belated birthday lunch without gaining weight tomorrow.  Hmmmmm...

Day 6 - (1.6), Overall - (8.2), Pounds To Break 220 - 24.6, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - 5.6

Sneaky Little Weight

I spent some time today looking back over the last year.  I was mostly looking at the last time I was under 245, then 240, then 235, etc.  I was writing down the dates so that I knew them when I broke those barriers and I could write that on this blog.  Over the last couple of weeks, I have been upset with myself for how I have fluctuated between 240-250 pounds.  Well, weight gain can be a sneaky little thing.  I looked to see when I last was under 245, since I am approaching that mini-barrier this week.  I was stunned to see that it was June 26!  Almost two months ago!  So, I wasn't hovering between 240-250.  I was actually hovering between 245-255.

I think it would be easier to make change if you saw that weight in large chunks.  If you went from 235 to 250 over night or over a week, you might take notice and make immediate changes. But, what happens, or at least for me over the last year, is that you slowly creep up.  I crept in to the 220s in September of last year.  I made the jump to the 240s late in 2011.  You get the picture.  I kept thinking that I was a little higher than the month before.  Which was true... for 11 consecutive months.  It's harder to make changes when you only see a few extra pounds in a month.  Weight should be more obvious.

I am on to weight's dirty little tricks.  Here's to outfoxing the weight... oh, and getting under 245 for the first time in almost two months...

246.0

Great day yesterday.  I ate like I was eating two years ago, low calories, low fat, high protein, high fiber.  I lifted weights at lunch for the first time in forever.  I did 40 minutes on the treadmill when I had been doing 30-35.  And then, I made the best choice of the day when I went to join Lori at Walmart to do some shopping.  Rather than drive, rather than walk (as I have been doing the last couple of times), I was running late so I decided to run as much as I could.  I ran between 50-60% of the way.  And, while it felt a little rough on the knees and lungs, it was the most euphoric feeling I have had in well over six months.  My reward this morning was another 1.6 pound drop.  Five days in, five days down, and 4.4 ahead of the pace I set for myself.  My new goal for the end of August is to get back under 240.

Day 5 - (1.6), Overall - (6.6), Pounds To Break 220 - 26.2, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - 4.4

247.6

Down .8 pounds, or 5 pounds in 4 days!  I know I have thought this before, but I do feel like the switch has gone off again and I am back on track.  Ahead of my Friday goal by 1.9 pounds and 1.1 pounds shy of the following Friday's goal.

Day 4 - (0.8), Overall - (5.0), Pounds To Break 220 - 27.8, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - 3.3

248.4

Down another pound.  More importantly, down 4.2 over a weekend.  Weekends are always difficult and, the way I have been lately, I would be happy to stay even throughout an entire weekend.  So, to lose 4+ is a great start.  Now, I have the week to continue the momentum with only one belated birthday lunch to test my mettle.

I realized this morning that I need a goal.  I like having weeky numbers that mean something.  And, as I always do, I think I will make it agressive but attainable.  So, the goal is under 220 by the end of October.  My goal when I started this was under 200.  And, I got there.  Not saying that I won't want to be there again.  But, right now I would be comfortable if I could settle in at 215.  So, that is 32.8 pounds in 75 days, or .44 per day.  Ahead of pace so far!

Day 3 - (1.0), Overall - (4.2), Pounds To Break 220 - 29.6, Ahead/(Behind) Pace - 2.9

249.4

Despite a few drinks with friends, I was still down 2.6 pounds!  Lots of work in the yard, a trip to the club, and good eating made up for my slight indulgence last night.  Under 250 again.  I hope to never see that number again. 

For the second time in two days, I made some decent food choices at an event/restaurant.  Went to an engagement party and ignored all of the sweets, pasta, soda and had a couple of meatballs, some salad and water.  Again, that is my biggest weakness and is a good sign that my head is on right again.

Day 2 - (2.6), Overall - (3.2)

Old Friends

Mixed results today.  I ate pretty good all day.  Then I went to an engagement party for a friend from Loaf 'N Jug.  The problem is that there were several old friends from Loaf 'N Jug.  That ended up being several drinks with old friends from Loaf 'N Jug.  So, the day didn't end like it started.  Maybe I should have had those chicken wings with my son.  But, I had a great time and it was fun laughing with all of them.

Tomorrow will be interesting.  Here's to old Loaf 'N Jug friends...

252.0

Down .6.  Not a great start.  But, the positives are the choices I made at lunch yesterday after struggling with restaurant choices.  Water instead of soda.  Salad instead of french fries.  Turkey sandwich instead of a bacon cheeseburger.  Wanted to skip the club and still made myself go.  Today, Niko asked if we could cook chicken wings.  That sounded really good. But, I said no.  So, now everyone around me suffers... lol. 

It's a start.  The weight will come.  It always does.  Changing my mentality is the real battle.  Yesterday was a start.

Day 1 - (0.6), Overall - (0.6)

Embarassing

Yes, the last year has been embarassing.  It stuns me to think that I have gained almost 55 pounds since my low of 198.  I guess the good news is that I am still 60+ lower than my all-time high.  But, it is still embarassing. 

I'm not embarassed that I am now over 250 pounds.  I am embarassed because I said it wouldn't happen to me.  I said I couldn't believe someone could lose all that weight and then let themselves go again.  I am embarassed when someone still tells me I look good and I know how fat I feel in my mind.  I am embarassed of my round face that has come back. 

I was proud, and rightfully so.  But, despite it not being the main reason for blogging, it is hard to deny that there isn't a certain element of bragging that comes with posting all of your successes.  My main reason was accountibility. But, I liked seeing the weight loss posted on Facebook.  I liked posting my numbers on this blog.  All the evidence you need to know that there is an element of bragging in this blog is the lack of blogging during those times when I wasn't as successful.  I used the excuse of being too busy.  But, I was equally as busy when I was blogging twice a day. 

The flip side of having the veiled opportunity to brag a little bit is the bit of crow I find myself eating now that I have failed over the last year.  And, I do consider it a failure.  You can sugar coat it all you want.  But, I succeeded with hard work and discipline.  And, I failed because I was lazy and lacked even a little bit of willpower. 

But, I am back and plan to write about my continued journey, whether I am successful or continue to struggle.  Thanks again for always reading.  Here's to sucking it up and taking the bad with the good...

252.6

Alright, there it is.  I need this blog.  I need myfitnesspal.com.  I thought I could do this without the logging.  But, I was wrong.  I didn't stop writing in the blog for the same reason, just got lazy and it stopped being important.  Well, no longer. 

As you can see by my weight, I am still struggling.  That is not my recent high.  My recent high was 254.  That is, however, up from yesterday.  I had hoped to get to a decent number by my birthday.  Instead, I ate like a pig on my birthday and gained 1.8 pounds.

The lone positive thing I can say about myself is that I remain optimistic.  Last night I went birthday shopping and bought a pair of shorts that I love... in the wrong size.  So, for now, I can't even wear my new shorts along with other things I have bought over the last six months. But, I will... I will.

New Starting Weight, 252.6